Severe anxiety since purchasing house

Sunsaru

The day I got my keys I walked into my house and thought "What the frig have I just done...." This is despite a rock sold survey and various trusted sources telling me "I'd done good."

Took about 3 months before it began to remotely feel like mine. I'm 9 months in now and it's starting to feels like MY home. I still look around sometimes and think "I'm not happy with that"

What you are feeling is perfectly natural but it's up to you to beat the feeling. Best thing I can suggest is grab that "list of things to do" you created and start ticking things off. Just one thing off the list is one step closer to making the house yours. There is nothing stopping you.

Sending you virtual fist bumps.

YOU'VE GOT THIS!!

another_casualty

As mentioned , buying a property is a very stressful situation to be in . 

We don't know the full situation of your move . whether you've moved a fair distance from your previous home , or whether you have friends nearby/ whether you moved on your own  / or whether you changed jobs etc. However, you have it seems made a good move and you are probabky deflated with the pent up energy of dealing with estate agents, solicitors and mortgage lenders etc and are actually in your new home without having to deal with any more of that . 

Plus there is the Christmas atmosphere  which is upon us , whether we like it or not.

As someone above pointed out , you have a chance to make the place your own . 

Hopefully you have the funds and motivation to decorate the house how you want it .
just do one room at a time . Relax , and make a plan of how you want each room to look 
main things is to step back and not rush things . 
We don't know if you have time off work to take over the Christmas period , if you have the chance to have an extra day or two it may be what is needed. It may not be , who knows?

The only other thing I'd recommend when you're eventually settled , is to get contents insurance with legal protection added . You have probabky got buildings insurance .

Hope this helps ..

Owleyes00

I feel the same way. There are odd bits that need doing which is stressful and expensive although nothing massive, mostly cosmetic. Every little hair line crack I see is subsidence and every weed in the garden is Japanese knot weed. All I can say is it’s been nearly 4 months now and it does get better.

I liken it to when I first started driving. I had a similar sense of anxiety about my first car and going out and about. That went away eventually and I’m sure this will too.

I find it helpful to think of all the people in all the houses up and down the country and all the people you know with a house. Has their house fallen down? Yours probably won’t either 😊

Brie

"I’m fixating hugely on anything that I can see that looks weird or “wrong”"

I had a friend years back who claimed she was ugly because she had a big nose.  She wasn't ugly (quite the opposite) and her nose wasn't particularly big but by focusing on that as her major fault she could ignore other things about her that might have been easier to fix.  (like being a manipulative liar)  Basically we all see things from our own odd perspective.

You say "we have insurance" so maybe you need to talk to the other half of your we?  They might have the same concerns and you can laugh together about it all. 

As for the friends....well it's not their house is it?  So it's likely a case of they aren't quite as interested in it as you are.  I'm sure I could have made being boring about a house move an Olympic sport my last time around and was probably even worse as a FTB!!  But if there's one that's a bit better at listening then there's no harm in unleashing a few anxieties in their direction.

Skiddaw1

OP, can't add anything really (other than additional reassurance that what you're experiencing is a very normal and understandable reaction to a big life event, and will soon pass) but just wanted to send some virtual hugs your way. It may be a cliche, but may I suggest a bit of spoiling? Even a relatively small thing (candle-lit bath for example) can make a difference. Hope you soon start to come out of the other side.

NameUnavailable

ftbblues said:

Hi all, my first post here and I’m feeling really worried so please be gentle. I couldn’t see a mental health section or I’d have posted in there. 

just purchased my first home, the survey threw up a few things but was deemed to be structurally sound and okay for its age. I knew it would need some things doing but accepted it for the price. However I’ve moved in now and the weight of being a first time homeowner, my existing anxiety issues and being in a new environment have taken their toll on me all of a sudden. The house doesn’t feel homely, I suddenly really dislike it and am looking at every single surface and panicking that there’s something hugely wrong with the house. 

I feel scared to be in here and wish so much that I hadn’t bought this place, but now it’s too late. I just wondered if anyone has felt the same and how I can move past this? I feel my anxiety is making me unwell.

my thoughts seem to focus on either the house falling down or if I discover something where it’s unsaleable one day. (Full survey was done and mortgage lender had no issues so maybe I’m being totally unreasonable here) 

Any advice would be gladly received, right now I just dislike the house so much and am so afraid of what I’ve done and if I’ve made a huge mistake.  It’s making me feel so sick. 

I've bought recently, not a FTB but sold my last place a couple of years ago and due to Covid it has taken me until a few weeks ago to finally complete on my 'next' home.

I've not moved in yet - will be doing so between Xmas and New Year - but I'm feeling similar worries. More so because I have bought a flat and I keep getting panic attacks thinking why TF have I bought a flat again when I could have chosen a house in a different (not as nice/convenient) area!

I also found some unexpected work after getting the keys which I've just had done but now have some issues with that and getting the tradesmen back to rectify things! Stress upon stress!

OTOH I tell others what and where I've bought and they all think it's wonderful, say they wish they could live there etc etc., and I offered because I liked the area so much.

I'm sure when we have both lived in our new places for a few months all this will pass and you'll concentrate on the positive aspects of it all.

Ultimately however, if you (or I) still aren't happy after 6 months you can sell on again.

kungfu_navs

One of my mentors taught me that whenever you have period of quick highs it often followed by a quick low and the house buying process is full of these 

eg, when your offer was accepted you felt soo excited but then you went for a second viewing or saw the survey results you feel down

and he would call this motivation and demotivation. 

I feel that this roller coaster of ups and down often ends up in crash at the end and maybe that is why so many people feel the same as you do after completion. 

my mentor went on to say that rather then aim for motivation aim for inspiration which is something that is more meaningful, deeper and from the heart. 

To do this he would get us to create a list of 100 reason of "why" and focus on the positives

eg. I purchased this house because...

and by the time you get to the 100 you feel really inspired. 

also in terms of the structure of house, try to think that this 100 year house has survived 2 world wars, every storm, hurricane and anything else and its not really going to fall down now.

ftbblues

Thanks everyone for your incredibly kind messages and good advice. This is a really supportive place, so glad I’m not alone and that others have felt the same before. 

@kungfu_navs that’s a great idea, will make a list. 

@NameUnavailable I hope you feel settled in soon. I feel like moving at this time of year is weird as well as I’m comparing it to last year when I was safely tucked away in my apartment and it was totally known/ I was settled. 

@Sunsaru fist bumps totally appreciated! 

@Owleyes00 so glad it got better after 4 months. 

@skiddaw1 thank you, spoiling sounds like a good shout. 

And to all of you that I haven’t directly replied to - thanks so much. You’re all awesome. 

Drawingaline

We moved in January right in the middle of lockdown. All the excitement and stress pushed everything else to one side and I felt incredibly flat once we were in. Hubby thought I was mad but I painted the lounge and dining room in the first week. I needed to have that one space sorted and feeling more like 'home'.


I have had the crippling anxiety after coming home with our first baby. Omg, that was wierd. Just having a 'what have we done' moment. It passed in a few weeks as we became more settled. I am sure you will feel the same soon. 

If it doesn't pass you can sell again, but give it time.

breakfast_epiphanies

I had similar anxieties and worries about things in the house. What helped me was that I had major works done shortly after moving in (new kitchen was the main one) and the person who did that was an all round handyman that has basically sorted out every single niggle I had. 

So see if you can find someone good that you know you could call on. You might never need them, but it’s comforting to know you have a person who can sort it, or give you a professional opinion as to whether you’re worrying unduly about an issue.