Prosperous soul embraces creativity & mortgage neutrality

MovingForwards

Plan for the now as there's so much you could be missing out on while working towards the future. 

I'm slightly ahead of you in thought process, as it does slow down after a while.  Taking my foot off the MF peddle opened up a lot more opportunities, as did putting F1R3 aside.  It doesn't mean I'm not making plans to retire or move, I'm just not as focused on clearing the mortgage as quickly and saving every penny, otherwise the next 12 years would have no real memories to look back and learn from.

beanielou

I am lucky.
I like where I live & my house.
I just wish I had a little bit more money to put the heating on more in the winter!

WelshmansDaughter

Could it be that you feel more like escaping your current property when you have been doing a lot of work in it? Lately you have been doing some intense clearing and responding to a stressful money situation. It may just be natural dreaming of escape. But with internet house goal stoppers?

savingholmes

Thanks El - I think you're right and I need to go adventuring more and allow more £ for that. I think also my week has lost structure since I stopped going twice weekly to the balance class. I need to make that a higher priority - for social and fitness reasons.

jwil said:

Interesting thinking.  It's always worth considering how much you use each of the rooms in the house you are currently in.  Do you need the same number of bedrooms/reception rooms?   Could you go for a smaller house and put an art studio/office in a larger garden?  Once you've completed your declutter, will you have a need for a house as large?

My DH always thinks we need a bigger house, but I feel that the house is the right size, we just need less stuff (as we don't touch most of it!) 

My house has really nice spaces - so my lounge is a fairly large square for example - other houses I see are often half as wide and I doubt I'd cope with that. I struggle with claustrophobia. I also have a large width window - most modern houses have windows half the size. My bedroom is immediately above the lounge so also big and has an ensuite. My kitchen is big enough to eat in and I have a utility. I have a downstairs study which is a decent size too. DD's room is a large double - again much bigger than they build them now... 

I don't really need two of the bedrooms (unless DS visits / comes back to live here) - but you often get much less space for your kitchen and receptions when you have less bedrooms. I could probably manage without a garage now I have decluttered - given I also have a decent size shed.

I look at 2 bed houses and weigh up whether there is either a garage or another space I can use as an art room/home office. If I moved it would also depend where to as to whether DD would come with me.

savingholmes

leftatthetrafficlights said:

I think it's important to get to the root of what/why you are feeling how you feel about your home - are you looking to change your environment to better suit your needs, are you looking for a fresh start or are you just trying to remove yourself from old memories that are triggered in your current living space?

It's really important to be happy where you spend most of your time but changing your environment doesn't change your experiences - I used to tell my clients that you can't erase your history by physically moving; the only real positive change you can make is the way you choose to view your experiences- so if it's more a case of reinventing yourself/how you live (which would be entirely understandable after all you have been through in recent times where you currently live) then I'd focus more on the benefits of your home and the massive leaps forward you have made in making it your own in the past year or so than on what transpired before that...you've come such a long way in such a short amount of time it would be a shame to walk away from the daily reminders/evidence of that...

Really appreciate your comments.

I've been dreaming of moving to the country for years - so I no longer know if it's just a well worn groove, if it's just escapist or whether it is still what I want enough to be willing to deal with the hassle factor of moving - which would include a longer commute - even if occasional - and I'd be further from family. I'm close to motorways currently but where I often look at moving to isn't. However, I wonder if that is part of the attraction - as it would cut down on the 'in the neighbourhood' type visits.

One of the things that has stopped me moving is that my house and garden didn't feel move ready. I.e. too cluttered so too much work to stage / sell / pack and not well enough decorated to get a decent price. Tackling those issues is removing the obstacles and freeing me up to move (other than DD's needs). It is therefore forcing me to revisit the question as to whether now I'm post divorce and my living circumstances have changed - whether I still want to move and if so to what... and why. I almost feel guilty having such a large house for two of us. I'm often told how Ex regrets letting me buy him out even though doing so kept a roof over DD's head.

When I drive to places about an hour away from where I live - where there is a greater abundance of trees - it's like a weight falls off me. But that could also partly be about being an hour away... When I stayed away from home last year in the deep countryside the ambient noise level was lower. I have a lot of irritating noise sources near where I live - trains, school alarms, people hiring local spaces, a party house in the neighbourhood... I'm noise sensitive - so even though one of those is probably a mile away from me I still find it irritating. However, I also recognise farmers can be super noisy with ATVs, tractors etc too.  

Mentally I'm treating decisions around moving almost as if I've been widowed and I am trying not to make big decisions for two years post decision to divorce... 

savingholmes

MovingForwards said:

Plan for the now as there's so much you could be missing out on while working towards the future. 

I'm slightly ahead of you in thought process, as it does slow down after a while.  Taking my foot off the MF peddle opened up a lot more opportunities, as did putting F1R3 aside.  It doesn't mean I'm not making plans to retire or move, I'm just not as focused on clearing the mortgage as quickly and saving every penny, otherwise the next 12 years would have no real memories to look back and learn from.

I agree I need to find the right balance. Investing in the handyman is part of that. He's back today and making huge progress. I've asked him to build me some raised beds on a future visit for my previous veg patch area. I may book a cottage stay as part of that... I need to do a bit more living. I'm reluctant to empty my savings however so if I book a week somewhere I may put it on a card. When I get the COL backpay it would cover it if I don't repay it earlier. 

beanielou said:

I am lucky.
I like where I live & my house.
I just wish I had a little bit more money to put the heating on more in the winter!

'Godliness with contentment is great gain.' Still mastering the contentment side of things I'm glad you feel lucky. I hope you manage to get some more help to enable your budget to stretch.

WelshmansDaughter said:

Could it be that you feel more like escaping your current property when you have been doing a lot of work in it? Lately you have been doing some intense clearing and responding to a stressful money situation. It may just be natural dreaming of escape. But with internet house goal stoppers?

There is a connection between doing work on my house and thinking back to escape plans. Before the mess prevented moving - clearing the mess makes it possible and forces me to ask the question as to what do I really want. Working to 73.5 to pay the mortgage definitely isn't what I want...

The £ situation has been stressful. Before I was thinking in terms of trying to pull together a nest egg towards helping DD fly the nest at some point as well as my own longer term needs.

I find it interesting you called RM large houses/mortgages internet goal stoppers. They are so I need to think about that some more... 

Thanks again everyone for your thoughts - sometimes it's hard to see clearly about your own situation. @lef@leftatthetrafficlights
I'm also still thinking about the geog cure thing... that it rarely works as you take yourself with you... 

WelshmansDaughter

It is difficult to see the wood for the trees especially after a big life change. It can be tempting to try and get decisions made just to get a sense of certainty about something. 

I do think sometimes it sounds like you're making you fit your house. But then if it has been cluttered for a long time then perhaps you have yet to use it as the current or future version of you would use it. Either way it doesn't sound like decision making time. It sounds like exploratory time. To me anyway 

badmemory

Whilst many will not agree with me divorce is a form of bereavement & hasty decisions really should be avoided if at all possible.  As you suffer from claustrophobia I do not think a smaller house will suit you, but why not try doing a few viewings & see how you feel.  They can't force you to buy can they?

elantan

I think your right @badmemory it is a form of bereavement and best not to rush into decision making for a wee bit 

WelshmansDaughter

There are many life events after which you can experience grief- divorce, medical diagnosis or even loss of sense of self. It is the grief state itself which makes you feel chaotic rather than the event.