Prosperous soul embraces creativity & mortgage neutrality

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Really good list and my (probably not very helpful suggestions!)

1. Something to improve the light situation in my bedroom - as external light robs me of sleep - and my current blind and so called blackout curtain are ineffective Have a look at the temp blackout blinds they sell for babies, they have suckers on them and are epic at blocking out light.
2. Due an eye test and potentially new glasses Do you wear contacts too? I get eye tests and new glasses covered by spec savers
3. Salary sacrifice - buy up to 10 more days holiday - commit for a year so need to be sure I can afford them. (That also lowers my tax and ni burden but impacts pensionable pay) Def worth it if you can cover in your budget, what a fab perk!
4. Pay for a Personal Trainer to help me get fit and healthy I wouldn't bother with this, so many free resources online.  My fitness pal for calorie counting, 10K steps and free apps for exercise.  I'd spend this on cleaner and counsellor
5. Potentially increase level of cover from health scheme at work depends what you can get and at what cost   
6. Continue with counsellor - consider if I could / should increase the frequency or if fortnightly is enough think only you can decide this one...
7. Continue with cleaner - consider whether to up her hours again to help me keep on top of things you always seem very positive after her visits, I'd def keep if you can
8. Worry less about energy bills & £ in general... tricky one
9. Afford more days out / experiences / classes / time away free days out, NT membership is excellent value, groupon maybe?
10. Improve financial independence, net worth, pay off CC quicker etc you're so good at budgeting, reckon this will take care of itself  

SandyShores

You are doing really well savingholmes.  You've gone through a lot and you're tackling a lot, and its all moving in the right direction.  Well done.

Definitely continue with the things you are doing/paying for that are working - one days your needs may change/other things provide the same thing and you can reduce or stop those.

I wouldn't personally pay for a personal trainer again - I wasted £200 on one who couldn't even be bothered to get out of bed on time in the morning.  Unfortunately some of them aren't that professional, and I think I chose one who had more problems than me!  I'm doing classes at the moment, that works for me now, although I tried them a few years ago and hated them. So I wouldn't rule out a personal trainer again, but would do more homework next time.

SandyShores

Elisheba said:

If I'm living healthily I figure my weight can do what it wants, but I don't need to worry too much. If I have a blip it's generally because my depression is playing up, and I need to be gentle with myself and not make too many demands on myself at those times so that's okay as well. 

Totally agree with this @Elisheba.  

savingholmes

Honeysucklelou2 said:

I hadn’t realised that you had been diagnosed with dyspraxia so I’m even more impressed with your progress in your balance class. 

It's because of my dyspraxia - that I am so blown away by the difference 5 months of going twice a week and repeated forms makes. My instructor is also brilliant as she spells out each step of the movement and assumes nothing. We had a stand-in a few weeks ago and she didn't bother doing that at all and it made a huge difference to what I was able to do with new moves. My instructor repeats it pretty much each time we do a form - whereas the other instructor said a few words the first couple of times but then would just say - 'and again'... which isn't anywhere near as helpful.

Honeysucklelou2 said:

Have you tried a mask at night?  One of my DDs can’t sleep well if it is too light so she wears a mask . It’s a soft velour and it has really  helped her.

Its a real positive that you can budget for the cleaner and counsellor. Having days out and time away is important too...I think I need to gear up to that goal. We manage days out at the beach in summer but haven’t been away for years other than to take DD1 to uni and have night at a Travelodge! Think I’ll copy that goal SH!

I'm not great with tight fitting stuff - but I did use a mask a few times last year when I was ultra stressed during the day and it helped. Perhaps you could PM me a link. 

Good luck with going away as a family. Make sure you have enough help if you are trying that one!! It can be really good for getting things more in perspective though - and gets you away from the nagging list of jobs that need doing at home. 

savingholmes

Elisheba said:

Oh @savingholmes I totally know what you mean in regards to positive thinking and denying reality. I did it for years and all it led to was divorce and depression. My counsellor is always telling me to listen to my body and what it is telling me and to pay attention to me.... 

Regarding weight, it's such a complicated issue.... really think we can use weight as an excuse to beat ourselves up and hate ourselves. I try not to think about weight at all if I can help it these days, but instead focus on healthy activities that I have more control of like making sure I exercise at least once a day, get my 5+ fruit and veg a day, and limit the junk food...

If I have a blip it's generally because my depression is playing up, and I need to be gentle with myself and not make too many demands on myself at those times so that's okay as well. 

Hi Elisheba - thanks for posting. Yeah - I think it is good to have a positive mindset and a can-do attitude but taken to extremes I think it undermines self-esteem and can make you shy away from issues that need to be brought into the light and tackled. 

On the fruit and veg side I'm really good most days - and it would be rare for me not to have the 5+ things. I eat far too much junk alongside it though so that does need tackling. My cholesterol and blood sugar and liver results weren't great last time I was tested. I've avoided having them done again in case it's bad again.

I think the problem for me is that I don't just have 'blips' when it come to eating junk food - it's a stable part of my diet that at times gets taken to further excess.

My Balance teacher gave me similar advice to you though - she said stick with the classes and don't try tackling too much at once... 

earthgirl2

Saving Holmes you are doing so brilliantly at knowing how to prioritise what you need. It's so hard to get the balance right with everything!

don't know if any of these suggestions are useful- 
You may have already done this and I'm sorry if I'm muddling information- you have probably have thought about getting referred for counselling for free, there are also charities that provide it online for free. But it's so important you might just be happy to stay where you are. 

Everyone is different but I try to meal prep soups for lunch and some hm flapjack or something. I wash and dry a load of fruit ready to pick up, and have a square of dark choc and nuts and dried fruit if I'm craving chocolate. 

I use the fiton app for workouts, I like how it tracks my weight and workouts, I join challenges and it keeps me on track. It's free. 

Anyway probably rubbish suggestions but I've found these helpful, good luck! 

savingholmes

MovingForwards said:

Keep a note in your journal about the car.

Have you looked to see what other classes are about? Aquafit / swimming would make a huge difference...

At this stage I wouldn't have a PT, form a routine with everything else and after about a year consider one. You're at risk of pushing too hard and being put off, undoing everything achieved to date. 

Counseling every 2 weeks should be sufficient as you need to learn your own coping strategies and mechanisms. Weekly could see you becoming dependant on the help from her and not trying to resolve things alone.

Cleaner definitely see if there's a way of increasing hours...

Maybe have a think what your list would be if you only got P1P, always helps having plans for all outcomes.

Hi MF. 

I found Aquafit really hard to do - which given my dyspraxia probably shouldn't surprise me - but still does. The classes are on the same nights as my balance classes - so I won't swap to fit them in. When the weather warms up again I'd like to add swimming to my routine. There are some late night swims starting at 9pm - I'd prefer these as they are more likely to be mainly adults and therefore also quieter. The noise of pools can be excruciating. There is a Pilates class one evening I may try - you have to be super-organised to get that one though as it books up so quickly.

I think you are probably right on the counselling.... Cleaner I'll keep thinking about.

On the £ - I have done some either or forecasts - including not getting any help at all!!

Blackcats said:

As always, you are very thought provoking and your reading/learning towards self actualisation is really interesting.  It's the highest point of Maslow's hierarchy so I think it takes effort to achieve.

You always sound happy after your cleaner has been - I think she makes your world better so if you can afford extra hours I think that's a good investment.

I agree with Elisheba - focus on healthy food rather than focussing on losing weight.  Perhaps work on 1 healthy choice at a time....
  

These are very early days of building your new life - be kind to yourself. X 

Thanks Blackcats - that's a helpful summary. My cleaner definitely makes my world better

savingholmes

ohdearhowdidthathappen said:

Really good list and my (probably not very helpful suggestions!)

1. Something to improve the light situation in my bedroom - as external light robs me of sleep - and my current blind and so called blackout curtain are ineffective Have a look at the temp blackout blinds they sell for babies, they have suckers on them and are epic at blocking out light.
2. Due an eye test and potentially new glasses .... I get eye tests and new glasses covered by spec savers 

Thanks Ohsh... - I've never heard of temp blackout blinds. They sound brilliant and their portabiliity could be really useful too. DS would also benefit from these as he has a bamboo blind and no curtains!!!

I never knew you could get schemes from opticians - I'll look into that.

Most years I've bought holidays where it was offered - but I felt I had to cancel to help get the mortgage but it's made this period harder - by a lot.

@SandyShores against PT. Definitely making me rethink this one - to see what I can get by other means instead... I could look at NT membership again - I cancelled during the divorce...

Thanks for the vote of confidence on FI.

Thanks @Earthgirl2 I will look into the app. I've bought some golden syrup as I've been considering making flapjacks... Might make me eat even more naughty food though... 

On the counsellor - I could get some free sessions through work but wouldn't want to shift away from this specific one as I've had quite a few different counsellors - and with her black humour - she's the best fit I've ever found...

Bargainhunter30

Savings, I would speak to your Dr about eating and fitness. My mum had a general check when turning 60 and was diagnosed as pre-diabetic. The Dr gave her a package that would've normally cost a fortune and included scales, an app and support on eating and exercise. There was a leader and group of other ladies who were doing the same as my mum and they had daily support. The app gave so much nutritional information and it really helped her.

earthgirl2

You could try flapjacks with a little honey.. or other healthier swaps. I've been using the NHS healthy meals app for recipies lately to switch things up! 

 Good luck!