Prosperous soul embraces creativity & mortgage neutrality

MovingForwards

Try and call first thing, put it on loud speaker and get on with doing something simple while waiting for them to answer.

savingholmes

HI MF

I got through in the end but by then I'd got overwhelmed and was in tears. They sorted it for me. I just have CH to sort now so almost done. I spoke to my boss and finished early. I think it was recent events catching up with me. I'll try and do the hours I missed at some point over the weekend instead. Another thing to mention on my PIP form though...  My counsellor agreed to support my application so got my ducks lined up so to speak. I told her yesterday - some of my every day difficulties - and she said if there was any justice in the world I'd get it... I think that added to some of the emotion I was feeling though.

As soon as I got up today I wanted to go back to bed. I got through two meetings first though - even though one was a bit of a sales pitch - I came across well and got good feedback... so I can still pull it out of the bag when I need to. Afterwards though I kind of 'crashed'... I ended up going to bed and dozing mid afternoon. I think because I was emotional yesterday with the counsellor - it hadn't quite sorted for today which is a shame. I booked in my next three appointments though which is good. 

I nipped to the shop first thing this morning and got milk, mushrooms, clementines and dark choc biscuits... So think I'm set for the next week  Seriously I have some chicken left so going to make the pasta again. Then I'll make a few meals with some minced beef. Perhaps spag bol and cottage pie... 

I have eaten well today - as in tasty food. I finished the pasta at lunch - with salad. I then had steak and chips, mushrooms, onions and peppers for tea. I've also had some clementines and junk food...  I feel a bit better after my nap and watched a really old movie where a boy takes flight and disappears for 8 years... I'm now part way through watching one about the end of the world.... Just taking a break from that too... 

Hopefully I can make art this weekend and cheer myself up that way. I'm slowly working my way through an online course. Plenty of lessons to go though... 

MovingForwards

That's three strong supporting statements you've got coming and covers a broad part of your life, so proud of you asking them and how you're updating the journal with examples.

Eating well is good for the mind, body and soul. If you've enough mince, make a portion of mince, onions, herbs etc then it can be served with mash or boiled veg, a deconstructed shepherds pie.

Have you any veg to make and freeze a few portions of soup.

Hope you're feeling better today, have a slow one to continue the recovery.

jwil

Hope you have a relaxing weekend.  Good that you have support for the PIP application

hugglemonster

Hope you're ok and looking after yourself. Try and take it easy for the rest of the weekend.

H x

savingholmes

Thanks HM, MF and jwil

I've caught up on some sleep and feel quite a bit better. I made some more of my pasta - have at least 2 portions for another day. I made soup as MF suggested using: carrots, swede, potatoes, cauliflower leaves, a few sprouts, tin of tomatoes, tin of tomato soup, Worcester sauce, stock cubes, salt, paprika, hot chilli powder, a little italian seasoning. Will blitz half of it later to make it a chunky veg soup...

I did some decluttering in my bedroom - and my chair is visible again. It had been buried for a few months... I may sell it on FB as I don't really need it in there... I have an empty box in a K@ll@x unit that I could put some stuff in too. I've put some washing on - need to remember to put it in the dryer.

Things in my life that need fixing:

The audio book on integrity made me realise the first person I need to stop lying to is myself. Positive thinking when it denies the reality of the struggle is a form of lying. Only by naming and confronting some of my issues / difficulties can I develop more effective strategies of dealing with them. I ignore things in the 'too difficult basket' and rarely seek help. These are making me inauthentic / out of integrity. My body knows before I do what is good / bad for me. It's time for me to start listening to 'body wisdom.'

Being as over-weight as I am scares me and reduces my self-esteem. If I can become fitter, healthier and leaner that would be life transforming. May ask for some kind of 'well woman' assessment. I need to follow up on a blood test with my GP. I should have done a repeat in August - but they were short on stuff so it got delayed and then it's fallen off the radar but shouldn't have done...

I want to follow up on ADHD assessment too - as although at times I'm hyper-focused - other times I'm highly distractible. My son got diagnosed and got help - and now other family members are too. It might help with more sustained focus.

I should go back to the GP as having been diagnosed with ASD and dyspraxia in lockdown one - I never received any follow on support. There ought to have been something they could have offered to help. My counsellor suggested I ask an OT to suggest ways to help manage my dyspraxia better - as repeated spills, breakages etc rob me of self-esteem (only diagnosed 2 years ago but lifelong issue. Hard to undo a lifetime of beating myself up over repeated 'failures'). My issues also limit some of what I'm willing to try / do etc - and there may be adjustments I'm unaware of that might help make things more accessible for me. I have had an automatic car for over 5 years now - with parking sensors - the difference in driving experience is amazing. I want to see that kind of step change in other parts of my life.

One of the reasons I'm on some meds I'm on is that they have a side effect of making me drowsy - however I'd prefer something like melatonin - which my nephew is currently receiving - so it must be available in the UK now. I've always felt like I had the 'wrong' body clock. I will ask for a referral to a sleep clinic. The meds that help with sleep - are known to cause weight gain and make me crave carbs - so if I could get off them once and for all it would really help. I've put on 7 stone since going on them! They say poor sleep is a major contributor to weight gain and reduces longevity - so if I could fix that it would be transformative.
 
I've spent time today dreaming about what I'd do with the extra £ if I did get a P1p and the promised pay rise at work. I'm trying to heed my brother's advice and invest in me and my health this year - not just home, pension etc... In order of priority- and dependent on value of any award:

1. Something to improve the light situation in my bedroom - as external light robs me of sleep - and my current blind and so called blackout curtain are ineffective
2. Due an eye test and potentially new glasses 
3. Salary sacrifice - buy up to 10 more days holiday - commit for a year so need to be sure I can afford them. (That also lowers my tax and ni burden but impacts pensionable pay)
4. Pay for a Personal Trainer to help me get fit and healthy
5. Potentially increase level of cover from health scheme at work
6. Continue with counsellor - consider if I could / should increase the frequency or if fortnightly is enough
7. Continue with cleaner - consider whether to up her hours again to help me keep on top of things
8. Worry less about energy bills & £ in general...
9. Afford more days out / experiences / classes / time away
10. Improve financial independence, net worth, pay off CC quicker etc

Hope my little list helps you take action to improve your life too...

Honeysucklelou2

Well done on the decluttering in the bedroom. I hadn’t realised that you had been diagnosed with dyspraxia so I’m even more impressed with your progress in your balance class. 

It s an interesting list that you’ve written. Have you tried a mask at night?  One of my DDs can’t sleep well if it is too light so she wears a mask . It’s a soft velour and it has really  helped her.

Its a real positive that you can budget for the cleaner and counsellor. Having days out and time away is important too...I think I need to gear up to that goal. We manage days out at the beach in summer but haven’t been away for years other than to take DD1 to uni and have night at a Travelodge! Think I’ll copy that goal SH!

Elisheba

Oh @savingholmes I totally know what you mean in regards to positive thinking and denying reality. I did it for years and all it led to was divorce and depression. My counsellor is always telling me to listen to my body and what it is telling me and to pay attention to me. Which is what you did yesterday which is awesome. Your body was telling you it had been through emotional turmoil and still pulled it out the bag for work, and now it needed rest and to store on some calories so it could get back on track, and you listened and rested and ate some nice easy junk food.
Regarding weight, it's such a complicated issue. I myself am really overweight medically speaking, and I know at times I don't like how I look and wish I fitted in smaller clothes. However I got one of those MOTs the NHS gives over 40s, and I am totally fine medically with maybe a little bit borderline on chloresterol. I really think we can use weight as an excuse to beat ourselves up and hate ourselves. I try not to think about weight at all if I can help it these days, but instead focus on healthy activities that I have more control of like making sure I exercise at least once a day, get my 5+ fruit and veg a day, and limit the junk food. If I'm living healthily I figure my weight can do what it wants, but I don't need to worry too much. If I have a blip it's generally because my depression is playing up, and I need to be gentle with myself and not make too many demands on myself at those times so that's okay as well. 

MovingForwards

Keep a note in your journal about the car.

Have you looked to see what other classes are about? Aquafit / swimming would make a huge difference as the water keeps pressure off your joints and helps with weightloss quite effortlessly. Depending on the times you may be able to use flex to attend.
- Classes also expose you to potential new friends or aquaintances.

At this stage I wouldn't have a PT, form a routine with everything else and after about a year consider one. You're at risk of pushing too hard and being put off, undoing everything achieved to date. 

Counseling every 2 weeks should be sufficient as you need to learn your own coping strategies and mechanisms. Weekly could see you becoming dependant on the help from her and not trying to resolve things alone.

Cleaner definitely see if there's a way of increasing hours. She is doing things you just don't have the time for. In the future, as passive income takes over from employment and your paid hours reduce, you can evaluate it again.

Maybe have a think what your list would be if you only got P1P, always helps having plans for all outcomes.

Aside from that everything else is spot on.

Blackcats

As always, you are very thought provoking and your reading/learning towards self actualisation is really interesting.  It's the highest point of Maslow's hierarchy so I think it takes effort to achieve.
you always sound happy after your cleaner has been - I think she makes your world better so if you can afford extra hours I think that's a good investment.
I agree with Elisheba - focus on healthy food rather than focussing on losing weight.  Perhaps work on 1 healthy choice at a time - instead of crisps with my sandwich I try to have tomatoes and cucumber,  Add an extra veggie to dinner.  I've got a really sweet tooth and I try (not always successfully) to get a sweet fix from an orange or grapes.  

These are very early days of building your new life - be kind to yourself. X