Curbing the ridiculous

badmemory

What everyone else says.  Mine didn't talk until he was well past his third birthday.  He'd been walking properly since 7 months & standing since 4.5 months (with our doctors permission as not normally advised).  He could remove safety plugs so my friend could plug in her hairdrier.  Then he started talking.  No baby talk, full sentences within the week.  When he was in infant class his teacher commented on him being talkitive.  I said you will need to tell him to shut up & let someone else have a go.  Then he didn't learn to read.  He was 8 when we left there & he had a reading age of 5.  Then we came here & within the year his reading age went up from 5 to 12.5 in that year.  The only bit I ever worried about was his reading as I am an avid reader.  The thing is they are all different & develop differently except that most "conform".  I didn't, unsurprisingly my son didn't, I could read at 3 before I started school at 3yr 2m.  By the time I was 7 they decided I was backward, despite the fact that my reading age was 12.  I had gone pretty deaf at almost 4 & no-one had noticed.  So please don't pigeon hole him too soon.  I'm sure you can tell from what I have written that I still resent them thinking I was backward & the fact that my close family didn't even notice I had gone deaf even though in the teaching profession.  Some of us vary from the norm more than others, it shouldn't make us any different in our actual lives.

warby68

Just from your posts here, it is obvious you are a good and very loving mum.

Whatever DS1's needs are they won't be met better by anyone else. 

I hope you have someone irl to give you a big hug and prop you up a bit. We all need that sometimes. 

BellaLasagna2018

I think it’s really stressful having children nowadays. I have observed what my DD has gone through in the last 20 months going through pregnancy and the first 11 months of her baby’s life. There is all this advice available, all the dos and don’ts, midwives and health visitors who give conflicting advice, some who can be quite harsh and lack empathy sometimes, who are quite close minded to anything but “the party line”, all the milestones that your baby is supposed to reach, which make you feel inadequate or that there is a problem is they are not reached at a specific time, in a specific way. 

All of these forget one thing: we are all individuals, adults and children alike! As much as the  “guidance” seems to indicate babies and children develop in the same way, at the same time, they are not clones of each other. I see at school all the time: It’s not always the precocious 4 year old who will succeed at GCSE or A Levels, but our education system, from the very beginning, makes us believe that. 

Alchemilla

How does the new house feel?

[Deleted User]

badmemory said:

What everyone else says.  Mine didn't talk until he was well past his third birthday.  He'd been walking properly since 7 months & standing since 4.5 months (with our doctors permission as not normally advised).  He could remove safety plugs so my friend could plug in her hairdrier.  Then he started talking.  No baby talk, full sentences within the week.  When he was in infant class his teacher commented on him being talkitive.  I said you will need to tell him to shut up & let someone else have a go.  Then he didn't learn to read.  He was 8 when we left there & he had a reading age of 5.  Then we came here & within the year his reading age went up from 5 to 12.5 in that year.  The only bit I ever worried about was his reading as I am an avid reader.  The thing is they are all different & develop differently except that most "conform".  I didn't, unsurprisingly my son didn't, I could read at 3 before I started school at 3yr 2m.  By the time I was 7 they decided I was backward, despite the fact that my reading age was 12.  I had gone pretty deaf at almost 4 & no-one had noticed.  So please don't pigeon hole him too soon.  I'm sure you can tell from what I have written that I still resent them thinking I was backward & the fact that my close family didn't even notice I had gone deaf even though in the teaching profession.  Some of us vary from the norm more than others, it shouldn't make us any different in our actual lives.

So sorry you went through this - I can understand why you still resent them.  I am definitely changing my thinking about him fro worry to support - and he does surprise me every day with the things he does do.  So I am focusing on that

[Deleted User]

warby68 said:

Just from your posts here, it is obvious you are a good and very loving mum.

Whatever DS1's needs are they won't be met better by anyone else. 

I hope you have someone irl to give you a big hug and prop you up a bit. We all need that sometimes. 

Thank you.  Not seen my good friends for a while (and my best friend's mum just died thursday so I am currently propping him up!).  But hopefully soon.

[Deleted User]

BellaLasagna2018 said:

I think it’s really stressful having children nowadays. I have observed what my DD has gone through in the last 20 months going through pregnancy and the first 11 months of her baby’s life. There is all this advice available, all the dos and don’ts, midwives and health visitors who give conflicting advice, some who can be quite harsh and lack empathy sometimes, who are quite close minded to anything but “the party line”, all the milestones that your baby is supposed to reach, which make you feel inadequate or that there is a problem is they are not reached at a specific time, in a specific way. 

All of these forget one thing: we are all individuals, adults and children alike! As much as the  “guidance” seems to indicate babies and children develop in the same way, at the same time, they are not clones of each other. I see at school all the time: It’s not always the precocious 4 year old who will succeed at GCSE or A Levels, but our education system, from the very beginning, makes us believe that. 

Yes, and I think it doesn't help that I was brought up in a family where academic achievement is everything (wrongly).  As a child I was pushed and pushed and pushed by my father to achieve academically and if I didn't, there was hell to pay.  I have tried very hard not to be like that with my children (and I'm not, I'm pretty relaxed) but guess it doesn't help that that internal benchmark is still there if you like (and I guess I reflect it on myself, thinking I'm not doing a good enough job rather than on DC)

[Deleted User]

Alchemilla said:

How does the new house feel?

We absolutely love it!  It honestly feels like we've been here years.  I mean, there is loads that doesn't work but our intention is to modernise where we can.  DH has fixed the leaking loo so we don't need to replace that yet (we will be ripping out that loo when we start the works on the downstairs but don't want to do it yet whilst DC1 is still in midst of learning to use the toilet) but not the heating upstairs - think we need a plumber for that.  There is such a draught from the front door that it whistles in the wind(!) so DH has bought some insulation stuff and will fit that.  He's in the process of cleaning all the junk they left in the garden so there is lots to do, but so much space and we just love how it feels!!

[Deleted User]

So, so far have made £30 selling baby stuff.  The perfect prep machine (£20), a car mirror (£5) and a baby chair (£5).  Have also advertised maternity jeans (£5), playmat (£10) and a car seat and base (£20) though no interest on those so far.  Aim is to advertise 1 thing a day.  Still need to do my item for today which I think will be another play mat for £5.  I know it's only small amounts but it all adds up.

Spending wise: not great: both cars needed filling up as were almost empty.  Big shop including £20 worth of bear paws - they are on offer 20% off and the kids go through them so I got a load as makes sense to buy when on offer.  Plus we needed stocking up on lots of cupboard staples.  Going back today as want to get my best mate a nice bottle of champers as it's his 50th tomorrow and he loves champagne.  I have a voucher for £4 off when spend £40 so will also use that as we need a couple of other things they didn't have yesterday.

DH constantly in B&Q but I can't complain as it will save us in the long run - it's stuff for raised beds which will obvs save us on veg and then also stuff to do things like put in another catflap, insulate door etc, all of which we'd have to pay someone to do if he didn't do it.

DC1 needed undercrackers, joggers and socks - nursery have asked that we get lots of pairs of joggers so he can pull up and down easily for the toilet as he's struggling with jeans.  Maybe should have checked charity shop first but just went to M&S so that was £50.

DC1 gone to MIL for afternoon to give us some respite so I am about to take DC2 out with me to shops then maybe for a walk as the weather is lovely (though cold).

DH makes a shepherds pie for tea and is doubling up so we will have plenty for the freezer.

Lots of money flying out at the moment but trying to negate that a little bit by flogging stuff.

The vendors have been a bit naughty by leaving lots of rubbish in the garden - DH took down all the wood they had left and put it in bags to pay to take it away but the neighbour saw and popped over to see if they can have it for their log burner so that saves us £30!

BellaLasagna2018

[Deleted User] said:

Yes, and I think it doesn't help that I was brought up in a family where academic achievement is everything (wrongly).  As a child I was pushed and pushed and pushed by my father to achieve academically and if I didn't, there was hell to pay.  I have tried very hard not to be like that with my children (and I'm not, I'm pretty relaxed) but guess it doesn't help that that internal benchmark is still there if you like (and I guess I reflect it on myself, thinking I'm not doing a good enough job rather than on DC)

I can relate fully to that state of mind. I was brought up with a similar thinking, to work hard at school, but also to work all the time. Even now, when I’m on holidays, I have this compulsion to get on with chores and tasks and I feel guilty if I don’t! It’s ridiculous, really!