Curbing the ridiculous

[Deleted User]

Cannot believe what is going on with the world.  This is really super scary.  I just don't know what is going to happen.

[Deleted User]

Trying to ignore what is going on with the world:

Someone wants to take the car mirror I listed so that's another £5, picking up Sat.  Nothing yet re playmat and have just listed some maternity jeans in VGC for £5.  

Spent £7.10 in shop just now - 2 x milks and lots of packs of chocolate bars on offer for £1 each.

Had a playdate at my friend's this morning - DC1 was really badly behaved, wrecking everything that her kid was building, being boisterous and I am finding it very difficult to cope with him.  I love him with all my heart but he is so far behind developmentally and may have autism.  Her kid was born 2 weeks before him and yet is ready to start school a year early in September.  I find it heartbreaking and feel like I've failed him.  He has the first line of assessment for additional needs on Tuesday but I worry for him and his future and I don't know exactly what to do.  I guess that once he's assessed they will tell me.  Am also worried my friends will stop inviting us to play dates as he is so rough and I don't have any mum friends - these are other friends of mine who have kids but mainly older than mine.

DH's band is cancelled tonight thankfully so at least he is here tonight.

Am going to go into office tomorrow rather than WFH as there's a few things I need from the office and I also need some things from town - socks for DC1 and some shampoo/soap etc.  Will WFH Monday instead as DH phoned Sky yesterday to change our address and they are giving us a free upgrade to Sky Q so the chap is coming on Monday to sort that so one of us needs to be here.

moving_forward

You have not failed your children. You love them and look out for them how is that failing? 

[Deleted User]

moving_forward said:

You have not failed your children. You love them and look out for them how is that failing? 

Thank you.  I think I just blame myself for his lack of development and giving him too much tv.  But then DC2 is developing "normally" and if anything, he gets less attention than DC1 got as there are now 2 of them.  

MsPennyMinder

You are not a failure  and you are not failling him.

Even if he has development issues, or autism, you will be learn to adapt and he can living a full and happy life regardless. My brother has several and he's ended up happy and independent. The best thing is not to compare him to others, that just isn't fair. He will develop in his own time and in his own way. Comparing him to your friends' children and seeing any difference will not help him and only upset yourself. Especially since kids can grow in fits and burst. Your friend's kids might get to school and struggle. You never know. I struggled to read till I was 11, I'm dyslexic. My mum worried I'd fail in school but she taught me to work hard, try anyway and believe in myself. That my weaknesses were not failing. Now I have an english degree. I did things in my own way and my own time and I turned out fine.

Have compassion for yourself and your kid. For one thing what a hell of a year you have both had. Kids are sensitive to that. He may need time to adjust or space to reflect on how his actions affect others. He's still learning after all. 

[Deleted User]

MsPennyMinder said:

You are not a failure  and you are not failling him.

Even if he has development issues, or autism, you will be learn to adapt and he can living a full and happy life regardless. My brother has several and he's ended up happy and independent. The best thing is not to compare him to others, that just isn't fair. He will develop in his own time and in his own way. Comparing him to your friends' children and seeing any difference will not help him and only upset yourself. Especially since kids can grow in fits and burst. Your friend's kids might get to school and struggle. You never know. I struggled to read till I was 11, I'm dyslexic. My mum worried I'd fail in school but she taught me to work hard, try anyway and believe in myself. That my weaknesses were not failing. Now I have an english degree. I did things in my own way and my own time and I turned out fine.

Have compassion for yourself and your kid. For one thing what a hell of a year you have both had. Kids are sensitive to that. He may need time to adjust or space to reflect on how his actions affect others. He's still learning after all. 

Thank you.  That is a really empathetic and helpful post.  I really appreciate it and you are right.  I want to be here for him in spades and help him.  I'm off to give him the biggest cuddle

moving_forward

Give yourself a cuddle too x

MsPennyMinder

@[Deleted User] I'm glad it helped. It's so clear that you love him very much and honestly that's what he needs. His mum to love him for himself. You're doing great 👍 

Blackcats

Some good advice and reassurance re DC1.  It is so easy to compare our children to other children and/or to magnify what we see as poor behaviour.  You've already got an assessment planned - you will know a little more then.  From what I read in your diary your children are loved and nurtured, lots of activities and family time with them.  Parenting is a tough job and you are doing absolutely fine.  

southern_chick

I saw this a while ago and it just makes so much sense. All children are different but as parents we always compare ours to others and worry that we aren’t doing enough. That’s what makes you a good mum, worrying that you aren’t doing enough but honestly you really are. DC1 will get there in his own time with the love and support of you both. Everyone’s journey is different which is what makes us all individual and special. Keep doing what you’re doing and be kind to yourself xx