Curbing the ridiculous

moving_forward

Great news on the house and bits and pieces of furniture. Everything helps. 
As for friends at work I've decided to just get on with it treat it as a job and not worry if I fit in our not as it's too much stress. I do have friends there but have learnt which ones are worth the effort and actually care about you as well 😊

badmemory

[Deleted User] said:

WinterWarrior said:

I totally understand with the welcome back do. Ours has occasional teams quizzes, the winners always got a nice prize. I won last Easter and got nothing….I’ll never try and win again! I never even mentioned it as I don’t want to look grabby, but I secretly now know I’m either not liked or not important to the team manager. You can shrug it off, of course, but we all have that little person inside us who was terrified at the times when our friends weren’t talking to us at school ☹️ I struggle with the lesson that not everybody is your friend and have to remind myself that they don’t have to be! 

So sorry you experienced this WW!  But you are absolutely spot on about the little person and memories of school - that's exactly what I was saying to DH last night!  And it is hard to accept not everyone is our friend.  I've decided to focus on the friends I DO have and on my family and not sweat the work people.  I am also possibly going to ask that my social budget be moved to another team and I do things with them instead.  Not sure how that will go down!

If you are supposed to be members of a team this is not about being friends, this is about good manners, which they obviously do not have.

Scottiedog_3

[Deleted User] said:

WinterWarrior said:.  I am also possibly going to ask that my social budget be moved to another team and I do things with them instead.  Not sure how that will go down!

Although I am long retired, I am always fascinated  by other people's jobs - and especially by the idea of having a social budget. Is it under your control? Is it a lot of dosh? Wow...

[Deleted User]

Scottiedog_3 said:

[Deleted User] said:

WinterWarrior said:.  I am also possibly going to ask that my social budget be moved to another team and I do things with them instead.  Not sure how that will go down!

Although I am long retired, I am always fascinated  by other people's jobs - and especially by the idea of having a social budget. Is it under your control? Is it a lot of dosh? Wow...

Nope, not under my control.  It's under the team's control though and we get to decide how to spend it.  It's only £25 per person per quarter year but means we tend to do 1 activity (dinner out or a wine/cider tasting or whatever) 4 x a year.

Alchemilla

@[Deleted User] that sounds like loads for the social budget.

@WinterWarrior I love the two big chunks of wisdom here

We all have that little person inside us who was terrified at the times when our friends weren’t talking to us at school ☹️ I struggle with the lesson that not everybody is your friend and have to remind myself that they don’t have to be! 

BellaLasagna2018

I am also fascinated by the idea of a social budget! This assumes that every everyone  wants to socialise with their colleagues! What happens if somebody doesn’t? Can they opt out? Would opting out mark them as unsociable? Not team players? These are rhetorical questions really. 

At my work, a few years back, a scheme was started: everyone would contribute £10 a year and this money would be used for flowers for colleagues leaving, being unwell etc. rather than having a collection as things happen. There was an option to opt out. And then nothing more was mentioned about it, ever, so I can only conclude that very few people took part and it was abandoned! 

Alchemilla

BellaLasagna2018 said:

I am also fascinated by the idea of a social budget! This assumes that every everyone  wants to socialise with their colleagues! What happens if somebody doesn’t? Can they opt out? Would opting out mark them as unsociable? BellaLasagna2018 said:

I am also fascinated by the idea of a social budget! This assumes that every everyone  wants to socialise with their colleagues! What happens if somebody doesn’t? Can they opt out? Would opting out mark them as unsociable? Not team players? These are rhetorical questions really. 

At my work, a few years back, a scheme was started: everyone would contribute £10 a year and this money would be used for flowers for colleagues leaving, being unwell etc. rather than having a collection as things happen. There was an option to opt out. And then nothing more was mentioned about it, ever, so I can only conclude that very few people took part and it was abandoned! 

Not team players? These are rhetorical questions really. 

WAt my work, a few years back, a scheme was started: everyone would contribute £10 a year and this money would be used for flowers for colleagues leaving, being unwell etc. rather than having a collection as things happen. There was an option to opt out. And then nothing more was mentioned about it, ever, so I can only conclude that very few people took part and it was abandoned! 

We have that at work and it does work ok. If you don't pay in you don't get a leaving gift.

Well, I think it works, I'll let you know when I leave!!

[Deleted User]

I think if you opt out, then the rest of the team just uses your cash as there are certainly things I've not been able to go on.  I think if you opted out of everything then they might think you're a bit of a misso but they seem to accept it if you're a bit older (as there was once a woman in her 60's who didn't want to which was fair enough).  Luckily the £100 a year is paid by work to finance and so we have to claim it from them - usually 1 person takes responsibility for this and for noting how much we have left!  It's quite good really as we also have a summer and xmas party all paid for with free bar (except for spirits/shots) and 3 course meal, a raffle at xmas with good prizes like wine, vouchers for restaurants etc, we get an easter egg, and at xmas usually a £50 voucher and some chocolate.  We also get an individual team xmas lunch though this does come out of our £100 a year social budget but the bosses do usually buy all the extra drinks.  We also sometimes get ad hoc vouchers as thank yous.  Another reason I don't really want to leave as they do give us lots of good benefits!

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry about the work issues but sounds like you are almost there with the house purchase.  Fingers crossed it all goes smoothly from now on.  

QueenJess

[Deleted User] said:

Thanks @QueenJess - did you have a better day yesterday?  Hope so x

Yesterday was pretty horrendous at work - the atmosphere is terrible and they are so exclusionary/divisive.  Basically, someone is coming back from mat leave in March and they've organised a "welcome back form maternity leave" lunch for her at a very nice restaurant, yet, when I came back, nothing was organised for me!  Also, one of the bosses has organised drinks at her new gaff but rather than invite the whole team, it's a select few (obviously I am persona non grata).  The thing is, I wouldn't mind but in everyone's monthly reviews they say they know the atmosphere is terrible and what can they do etc and they have been told repeatedly that they should be including people etc but.they.just.don't.

I wish, but no... shouted at DH over text, although if anything, it made me more angry!  Think he is slowly getting the message....

Re: work, I would try and find a way to extract yourself mentally - as you said later, working from home and just getting on with the job etc and see how it goes.  Things can change at work and the fact that it is a change in boss means that it could change in the future and it sounds worth seeing if it can work out.  However, if your mind doesn't work like that, then it is not a very long term plan and you will have to move jobs eventually.  But, not an immediate decision and just see what happens.

My work is generally awful and I don't know how I've survived that long (although I seem to survive in a lot of tough environments historically), but mine is different because the management are horrible bullies.  I am a bit stubborn and will always do what I think is right, so they don't like me as I don't react to bullying well and am more likely to tell them they are wrong and dig my heels in   Anyway, my point is that it does just get you down after years of it and I know I have to leave eventually, but am just making the best of what I can and reminding myself I am being well remunerated with nice pension benefits in the meantime until I can afford to leave.  So if you have to leave, don't do anything quickly, but make a plan.

I really hope that makes some/any sense..  I haven't slept for about a week, my eyes hurt and my brain is all jumbled up!  If it doesn't just ignore me...