How did having a child impact your marriage/relationship?

Retireby40

So I was reading an interesting article today which stated that 67% of new parents (1 year old or less) become dissatisfied with their relationship after having a baby. 

They tend to argue 40% more than before.

What changes did you find after having your first child in terms of your relationship with other half? Did you see your partner in another way? Resentments? Anger? Did you view them better than before now they were a parent?

74jax

Can you link to the article? 

Retireby40

74jax said:

Can you link to the article? 

Was Washington Post. Type in marriage problems after New born comes up.

zagfles

Ours definitely became better after birth, it was like a new bond between us. Not that it was bad before, it was pretty good, but the minor disagreements we had just faded into insignificance. But it became worse in the teenage years as we had differences in how to deal with issues. Now better again with them grown up.

I suspect the main reasons a new born can cause problems in the parents' relationship is where the pregnancy was either unplanned, or it wasn't the genuine desire of both of them (ie one putting pressure on the other, or family putting pressure on both), or where they didn't actually stop to think or plan how they'd manage financially and timewise and how childcare/work would be shared etc.

sassyblue

We were really, really happy as we'd been trying to conceive for 8 years, not sure if our son bought us closer together as we're soul mates anyway and still really happy - our 24 years anniversary is today. 

the only time we moaned at each other afterwards was about the division of housework and childcare. We both worked, hubby worked longer hours, but I had the majority of housework and childcare and our son is quite difficult at times because of his issues.

I view hubby the same as before too. He’s a great dad but I knew he would be, my only gripe would be he’s a bit quick to get annoyed whereas I’m much more laid back. 

Retireby40

Seems that many people don't experience any relationship problems after a new born. The stats must be wrong.

74jax

Retireby40 said:

Seems that many people don't experience any relationship problems after a new born. The stats must be wrong.

I tried to find the article but when I typed on what you said it brought up complications with newborns (mostly covid).

It depends where they say they got their stats from. It could be just an area, a short period of time etc. But most likely wrong and in the hope no one tries to check it out....... 

tooldle

I remember reading a copy of "Toddler Taming" many many years ago. There is a paragraph in the book, which gives the percentage of marriages failing prior to a child's 5th birthday. it was quite a high percentage as i recall. As my child got older and went to school, I discovered the statement was not too far off the mark. In a class of around thirty children, surprisingly few had parents who were still together by the time the kids reached year 3. In more encouraging news, the parents still together then, are still together now and the 'kids' are in their early twenties.

Jim80

tooldle said:

I remember reading a copy of "Toddler Taming" many many years ago. There is a paragraph in the book, which gives the percentage of marriages failing prior to a child's 5th birthday. it was quite a high percentage as i recall. As my child got older and went to school, I discovered the statement was not too far off the mark. In a class of around thirty children, surprisingly few had parents who were still together by the time the kids reached year 3. In more encouraging news, the parents still together then, are still together now and the 'kids' are in their early twenties.

I would agree that the first few years are usually good as both parents are working towards a goal. Add in more kids, long days working, long nights and the middle age drama of "where is my life going", throw in a dash of financial issues and far more people than I would have though in my peer group are no longer together. Honestly, when the age of around 40 was reached, I know of about half of my group deciding they wanted something different, usually another person....

Retireby40

74jax said:

Retireby40 said:

Seems that many people don't experience any relationship problems after a new born. The stats must be wrong.

I tried to find the article but when I typed on what you said it brought up complications with newborns (mostly covid).

It depends where they say they got their stats from. It could be just an area, a short period of time etc. But most likely wrong and in the hope no one tries to check it out....... 

Why are you challenging me like what I am saying is wrong?

Do you have kids and what's your experience?

I think if you Google marriage difficulties after new born there plenty of pages dedicated to it and with statistics.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.goodto.com/wellbeing/relationships/relationship-news/break-up-after-baby-513710/amp

That's another that says 1 in 5 relationships break up in the first 12 months of a new born.

There has to be some truth in it.

Retireby40

74jax said:

Retireby40 said:

Seems that many people don't experience any relationship problems after a new born. The stats must be wrong.

I tried to find the article but when I typed on what you said it brought up complications with newborns (mostly covid).

It depends where they say they got their stats from. It could be just an area, a short period of time etc. But most likely wrong and in the hope no one tries to check it out....... 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2015/06/30/when-threes-not-the-charm-how-to-manage-the-higher-risk-of-divorce-when-baby-comes-along/?outputType=amp