NST September 2021

f0xh0les

Oh Ditty! Massive hugs, at the minute you are firefighting, there is so much that is beyond your control, you just have to get through it, but it will end. Your kids are lucky to have you in their corner.  Try and be kind to yourself.

If NSDs are bothering you, how about thinking about LSDs (low spend days) instead- set yourself the daily limit you are happy with (£5? £10?)

When your kids are sick, then all bets are off, you go into Mum-Mode if they are 1year old or 21years old. 

Just be careful that you don't have an almighty crash once the adrenaline wears off, or if you do, then recognise it as your body needing a release, and go with it.

You are not only just hanging on by your fingertips, you have put things on a temporary hold until you get through this massive drama.  You are not alone in this, we are all cheering you on, we might be invisible, be we are surprisingly buoyant.

mothernerd

Saturday 4th September 2021

Ouch Deni and hugs ditty. 
When my son was last in hospital, I did the same - picked up things for him (and me for the day) as I got off one bus and onto the next (much cheaper than the concession in the hospital) and did the same thing on the way back for odd things we might need at home.

I did a food delivery order late one night (thought I'd booked it for 9 pm the following day) and had just got off the bus in town to walk round the corner for the bus to the city and the driver phoned me (9 am) to say she was on the doorstep. Had to tell her to open the inner door and yell for DS3 so he could put things away. Earlier in the week we'd collected all the tips money DS2 couldn't be bothered with (over 5 pounds worth of copper) and worked out (me, DS3 and the two homeless kids who were living with us) what we could buy to best get us through until I could do a proper delivery.

Having someone in hospital is hugely stressful, whether you're waiting by the side of a child who won't let you go further than the hospital toilets (I used the ones at the far end of the hospital just so I could stretch my legs), travelling long distances (my journeys were much shorter than yours but multiple buses both with DS2 and when visiting my father - luckily I could get off outside Morrie's on the return journey and then walk either the one stop into the bus station for my bus home or one stage back around the corner to catch the bus at the first stop after it left the bus station).

DrCarrie you have also had a difficult month and ccl one whole stress-a-thon year (and the rest).

So all of you cut yourselves some slack. I am not Kat (Ninja Savings Kat). She set tough challenges but always did more than anyone else, she did not expect others to do anything she hadn't done and set very high standards. I can only set challenges and make rules from my own perspective and life experience. Someone else mentioned difficulties losing weight. We all know what we need to do, but the mental energy and emotional issues really take it out of us (not to mention hormones and changes that come with ageing).

I always thought that lack of money (we're talking near poverty levels in my case but it's all relative to what you used to have), trying to lose weight (we all have points where we have had some success but then can't get below a particular stone marker) and depression was an impossible triangle. Anything you do to fix one of them puts strain on the others, you can juggle 2 but all 3 takes skill. Add in the chronic lack of time which is near permanent for most of you and it's easy not to notice when your mental health slips, when you have a small credit card binge - probably on things you've needed for some time, necessary clothes, something to look forward to (Calling), when you're having a day when a chocolate bar seems to be the best thing that could happen to you.

No turtle gets left behind
Imagine a small child is sitting in front of you. Now tell them they are stupid, lazy, bone idle, fat, useless, neither use not ornament, a wastrel who drifts through life, ugly, repulsive, unlovable. You can't do it, can you? Yet this is the kind of internal monologue that most of us engage in. Stop the negative self-talk.

Turtles do not fail
We may not always meet all our aims, but we get up and we try again. If you can't run - walk, if you can't walk - crawl/ hobble. Try your best. Aim to improve but acknowledge that each small step in the right direction will add up in the end. One small mishap will not sink you (even if it feels like the end of the world at the time). You will rise. Salvage what you can from the wreckage. Stop to catch your breath or have a cry if it helps, then carry on. You are doing the best you can, in very difficult circumstances.

Turtle hugs are the best. Turtle hugs for everyone.
We all need someone to love us as we are. It's especially important that you are one of those people. You need to love you as you are now - imperfect, not the same as someone's bookface profile, doing okay some of the time, falling apart at others. Turtles encourage, celebrate each other's successes, commiserate when things go wrong, give helpful suggestions on ways out of difficult situations, support each other through the best and worst of times. Have some more hugs and pass them on to anyone who needs one or wants one (appropriately of course, although DS3 and his friends would occasionally make a sign and give out free hugs to people in Manchester city centre and many people accepted their offer and were grateful).

It's Saturday, do something nice for you today and try to spread joy wherever you go.

thriftylass

Yesterday was a spend day. Ca £65 on the weekly shop for 4 and 2 cats. Today I went clothes shopping with the kids to get some needed items. £90 in Matal@n on 3 trousers, a pair of shorts, 3 jumpers, 2 t-shirts, pants, and socks. Usually just get it from the big supermarkets but couldn't see anything they liked there.

ldee2111

f0xh0les said:

Oh Ditty! Massive hugs, at the minute you are firefighting, there is so much that is beyond your control, you just have to get through it, but it will end. Your kids are lucky to have you in their corner.  Try and be kind to yourself.

If NSDs are bothering you, how about thinking about LSDs (low spend days) instead- set yourself the daily limit you are happy with (£5? £10?)

When your kids are sick, then all bets are off, you go into Mum-Mode if they are 1year old or 21years old. 

Just be careful that you don't have an almighty crash once the adrenaline wears off, or if you do, then recognise it as your body needing a release, and go with it.

You are not only just hanging on by your fingertips, you have put things on a temporary hold until you get through this massive drama.  You are not alone in this, we are all cheering you on, we might be invisible, be we are surprisingly buoyant.

^ This ^   

lcc86

Definitely agree with @f0xh0les sentiments!

Had my procedure at the hospital today, walked there and was going to get a taxi home but then saw a bus that passed close to home so jumped on that and saved some money. Didn't feel up to cooking so we've had takeaway pizza. Not beating myself up over that spend today.

Also bulk bought a big box of hay for my rabbits, it's so much cheaper than the pet shop and MUCH better quality!

f0xh0les

I got seriously narked with my lot this afternoon - I cannot be in the kitchen with DH when he cooks, as it ends up in an argument - he cooks what he wants to eat, not what the kids will eat, so sticking a load of harissa paste in a tomato soup would not be wise and would end up with 2 of them coming down begging for sandwiches half an hour after eating one spoonful, going 'yuck!'and s0dding off upstairs saying 'too spicy!!'.   It is just easier to leave him alone.

Sent DS1 an email asking if he wanted to come shopping for his stuff, no response. Anyway, I left.  Got DS1 his mattress protector, pillows, duvet, tea towels, only need a first aid kit now and he is done. The End. 

Did not want to go home to sulky moody menfolk, so went to the local country park that has a community orchard and spent a happy hour filling an enormous bag with mostly windfalls, but did nab a couple of fat ones off the trees  - now have 2 bags of prepped peeled apples in the freezer, a 2ltr pudding bowl full of apple puree in the fridge, and 8 stuffed apples baked and cooling on the kitchen table - spoke to a couple of old men who were picking blackberries in the bushes.   Foragers Solidarity!

Came home, prepped apples, made healthy (mostly raw, salad ) supper, fed them all, now they are back plugged into their devices, but stuffed full of fruit and veg.

Will go somewhere blackberrying tomorrow. I am keeping an empty pot in my bag from now on, and will try and forage something as many days as I can.  I did see 2 pears in a pear tree (obviously), but as I am only 5 feet 5, I had to leave them there.

Scrumping always make me hyper-aware I am vertically challenged.

Washing dried on the line, kettle and coffee maker descaled, kitchen was clean, is no longer, but will be again.

thriftylass

Well, we'll be having an unexpected bill soon. DH went to visit his dad in Glasgow and managed to drop the car keys down a drain!!😭

Should have gotten that lost spare key recut a few years ago. 🙄

f0xh0les

Oh dear! Was it a deep deep drain? I had remarkable success with bubble gum and a stick when the kids dropped stuff down grills and grates and drains. Luckily never in the rain though. Usually their favorite lego men, but on one occasion their house key.

I feel your pain, my dh totally lost my car keys when I got called over to Ireland to nurse a sick relative.  They have never turned up. It is a total mystery as to what happened to them.  At least you know where yours are 

thriftylass

f0xh0les said:

Oh dear! Was it a deep deep drain? I had remarkable success with bubble gum and a stick when the kids dropped stuff down grills and grates and drains. Luckily never in the rain though. Usually their favorite lego men, but on one occasion their house key.

I feel your pain, my dh totally lost my car keys when I got called over to Ireland to nurse a sick relative.  They have never turned up. It is a total mystery as to what happened to them.  At least you know where yours are 

I lost the spare god knows where 4 years ago and we never got round to get one cut 🙄 This drain was full of water though. Hopefully the AA key replacement service can sort it tomorrow. Paid them membership for years and the last two times we needed their help they couldn't do it 😠 they better do this time.

@f0xh0les 🍏

apple_muncher

Today I am grateful for sleeping really soundly, for my rasps being so blimmin' tasty, for dc learning a new song on the guitar and playing and singing it to me, for a peaceful day, for my neighbour cutting the front grass and strimming the edges, for catching up with another neighbour.