Moral dilemma!

goodwithsaving

Emzlyz said:

 I suggested that the best way to do it is if we ever sold the house we each get our original deposits back before splitting any other money 50/50. In the end we got a house that we could put in 50/50 deposit for.

That's what I did and considered fairest (and the tenants in common agreement paid off just 14 months later!). I still wouldn't buy with anybody else again though.

goodwithsaving

Mac_70_ said:

I do think your right OP to keep track of expenses, somethings tells me your going to need them in the future.  

Very judgmental. As I said before, nothing annoys me more than people who have the 'my way is the right only way' view. Everyone's life experiences differ, everyone's earnings differ, everyone's overall circumstances differ

Mac_70_

goodwithsaving said:

Mac_70_ said:

I do think your right OP to keep track of expenses, somethings tells me your going to need them in the future.  

Very judgmental. As I said before, nothing annoys me more than people who have the 'my way is the right only way' view. Everyone's life experiences differ, everyone's earnings differ, everyone's overall circumstances differ

Hmm maybe you should practice what you preach.

I haven't a clue how you got my way is the only way, out of what you quoted, some jealousy affecting your reading abilities? If the OP doesn't keep track how will they know their partner is paying their equal share of the bills.

Indigo_and_Violet

Mac_70_ said:

goodwithsaving said:

Mac_70_ said:

I do think your right OP to keep track of expenses, somethings tells me your going to need them in the future.  

Very judgmental. As I said before, nothing annoys me more than people who have the 'my way is the right only way' view. Everyone's life experiences differ, everyone's earnings differ, everyone's overall circumstances differ

I haven't a clue how you got my way is the only way, out of what you quoted, 

FWIW I read what you posted as "you should keep track of expenses because its clear your relationship is going to fail soon" i.e. if you worry about who has spent what in a relationship it means that relationship won't work out. 

That may not be what you meant, but I don't think it's an unfair interpretation without this extra bit of context:

If the OP doesn't keep track how will they know their partner is paying their equal share of the bills.

Tokmon

goodwithsaving said:

Emzlyz said:

 I suggested that the best way to do it is if we ever sold the house we each get our original deposits back before splitting any other money 50/50. In the end we got a house that we could put in 50/50 deposit for.

That's what I did and considered fairest (and the tenants in common agreement paid off just 14 months later!). I still wouldn't buy with anybody else again though.

Anyone thinking of doing this the best way in my opinion is to have a Declaration of Trust that states if the house is sold each person gets back a specific percentage* of the sale price and then the rest is split 50/50 after all costs of sale (assuming each person paid half the mortgage). The percentage each person gets will be the percentage of the original purchase price that each of their deposits were. 

This then means that if the house decreases or increases in value it's still fair for unequal deposits because the percentage will take into account of this rather than a fixed sum. 

Tokmon

nicknameless said:

I never quite understand supposedly committed relationship where finances are not completely joint, although we are aware of many around us.

We had a joint account from the start - all finances together.  Who earns what irrelevant.

But there is far more to a "committed relationship" than just finances. I feel that just throwing all money into a joint account and spending from that leads to less accountability and increases the likelihood of money being wasted. Everyone should at least have a separate account where wages and other income is paid into and then from this standing orders go to a bills account, a spending account and investments/savings. This then make it quick and easy to see if all income has been receive correctly and then looking at the bills account to make sure all bills have been paid correctly. Throwing it into one joint account and having everything come from that is why you get people who post on here saying they had X amount taken for the last X number of years by mistake and they only just realised, and is generally what people have when they just spend every penny they earn each month just because it's there.

Also not all couples think the same financially and manage their money differently. For example someone who has trouble with budgeting may need a separate account to spend from, to resist the temptation of all the money being available to them in a joint account.

Plus how do you buy presents for each other if your finances are completely joint?

AlexMac

I see that natkirt, the OP hasn't been back with any reaction to all this advice about their relationship...

... just as well we didn't have this interwebby forumy thingy when my wife and I first got together over 35 years ago.  Had she asked you lot about taking a skint, newly redundant waster like me under the roof of the former marital home without me even paying rent you'd have told her to get shot of me! 

When she then bought our her ex (on a valuation of only around £70k odd for a four bedder in London - them was the days)  without me even having a salary to leverage a mortgage, you'd have said she was daft...

... fast forward to the 21st Century..  still married bliss... and, cos I made good with a well-paid job (and worked my nuts off doing sweat equity to improve every property we subsequently traded up to), sitting on three properties and stacks of equity.. 

So you maybe shall go to the ball cinders (sorry, I mean natkirt) 

JCarmello

AlexMac said:

I see that natkirt, the OP hasn't been back with any reaction to all this advice about their relationship...

... just as well we didn't have this interwebby forumy thingy when my wife and I first got together over 35 years ago.  Had she asked you lot about taking a skint, newly redundant waster like me under the roof of the former marital home without me even paying rent you'd have told her to get shot of me! 

When she then bought our her ex (on a valuation of only around £70k odd for a four bedder in London - them was the days)  without me even having a salary to leverage a mortgage, you'd have said she was daft...

... fast forward to the 21st Century..  still married bliss... and, cos I made good with a well-paid job (and worked my nuts off doing sweat equity to improve every property we subsequently traded up to), sitting on three properties and stacks of equity.. 

So you maybe shall go to the ball cinders (sorry, I mean natkirt) 

But did she keep score of what you owed her, which seems to be what OP is suggesting?
Your approach seems much more in keeping with the approaches that the posters here are recounting from their personal experiences.

Monsternextdoor

I went out on sunday with the hubby and the dog, Local park for a sunday walk.

Hubby left his wallet at home and mine was in my phone, We had a brew and a bite in the park, Pup had an ice cream. Then we decided to get a mcdonalds and wack a full tank of fuel in the car. 

I paid for it all because we are a team, I also contributed more into the house fund that we are buying. 

Do I keep a tally ?

Nope Nope Nope 

I married him and even tho we have seperate accounts etc the money is pooled, If you are together and buying a house then its a serious relationship then why fall out over money.

nicknameless

Tokmon said:

nicknameless said:

I never quite understand supposedly committed relationship where finances are not completely joint, although we are aware of many around us.

We had a joint account from the start - all finances together.  Who earns what irrelevant.

But there is far more to a "committed relationship" than just finances. I feel that just throwing all money into a joint account and spending from that leads to less accountability and increases the likelihood of money being wasted. Everyone should at least have a separate account where wages and other income is paid into and then from this standing orders go to a bills account, a spending account and investments/savings. This then make it quick and easy to see if all income has been receive correctly and then looking at the bills account to make sure all bills have been paid correctly. Throwing it into one joint account and having everything come from that is why you get people who post on here saying they had X amount taken for the last X number of years by mistake and they only just realised, and is generally what people have when they just spend every penny they earn each month just because it's there.

Also not all couples think the same financially and manage their money differently. For example someone who has trouble with budgeting may need a separate account to spend from, to resist the temptation of all the money being available to them in a joint account.

Plus how do you buy presents for each other if your finances are completely joint?

Maybe I wasn't telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  We each have an individual current account and a joint account.  Wages go into individual accounts, standing order to joint minus agreed equal personal monthly spends (buy what you want for yourself / your hobbies).  All household stuff, investments, private pensions and other spends paid for from joint account.

We have no trouble keeping track of spending / accounts etc.

Thinking about this I think what I mean is financial parity in a relationship, regardless of what each party earns (I earn more than twice what my partner does).  Our accounts and arrangements are just a way to implement what we take for granted i.e. it is 'our' money because we are a partnership.  Not my money and your money.

We know relationships where one member is financially disadvantaged by the other because they earn more or similar.  We know those relationships are poorer for it.

So yes I agree that of course there is more to a relationship than finances - but I think how finances (and the power therein) work is indicative of some of the nature of that relationship.

Only IMO of course.