Moral dilemma!

getmore4less

natkirt said:

My partner and I have just bought our first home. I contributed 5k more than he did to the house deposit. Should I ask him to pay 5k more to something else like repayments, or am I just being petty?

Would have been easier to just agree up front you were lending them £2.5k and to pay it back when they could

Monsternextdoor

natkirt said:

My partner and I have just bought our first home. I contributed 5k more than he did to the house deposit. Should I ask him to pay 5k more to something else like repayments, or am I just being petty?

Are you going to tally up the labour used to get the house to your tastes ? 

Whilst I may have given my husband more money towards the down payment and I will doing 80% of the work to get it livable and paying the bills does that mean that he owes me more money if we were to split ? 

Greymug

natkirt said:

My partner and I have just bought our first home. I contributed 5k more than he did to the house deposit. Should I ask him to pay 5k more to something else like repayments, or am I just being petty?

Maybe you can ask him to be in charge of paying for couple counselling.

If you bought a house together and yet you're bringing up the "who paid more" argument, maybe you'll need couple counselling sooner than you think.

lookstraightahead

theartfullodger said:

You should ensure there are (agreed) records and ditto any arrangements for future financial arrangements.

Relationships do fail.  Artful: on 3rd marriage

I get what you're saying as relationships do fail  but where do you draw the line? What happens when kids are involved? Uneven job opportunities, other commitments like looking after elderly relatives? Pets?

During a relationship isn't it easier to pull together ? 

jazzyja

Alot of this depends on the dynamics of your relationship and you as a person.

Me personally I wouldn't be happy about putting 5k more in than him....petty or not that's just me. Probably abit uptight. I would certainly expect him to put that back in some how on renovations etc. Unless he earnt significantly less than me.

But on the other hand I don't understand all this sharing bank accounts etc, not something I've ever been happy about. Me and my boyfriend split the bills in half and we have our own money and do what we please with it. But we earn roughly the same 

Owleyes00

I earn significantly more than my OH but we are going to be joint owners on our property (completing soon!). 

We discussed being tenants in common at uneven shares but the current income situation is not going to be the situation forever and we are bringing similar deposit contributions to the table (a few thousand difference). To me it seemed uncharitable and inconsistent with the house purchase being our HOME over and above any investment to split the shares unevenly. I’m also an eternal optimist so there’s that.

If there were huge differences in the amount you were bringing then your suggestion might be sensible but £5k in the context of the whole house value is likely negligible and it seems mean spirited to quibble about it.

Monsternextdoor

lookstraightahead said:

theartfullodger said:

You should ensure there are (agreed) records and ditto any arrangements for future financial arrangements.

Relationships do fail.  Artful: on 3rd marriage

I get what you're saying as relationships do fail  but where do you draw the line? What happens when kids are involved? Uneven job opportunities, other commitments like looking after elderly relatives? Pets?

During a relationship isn't it easier to pull together ? 

This.

My husband had provided for me when I couldn't work, He has looked after us all when I have had no money coming in. Even pre married he had no issue in splitting what he earnt.

lookstraightahead

jazzyja said:

Alot of this depends on the dynamics of your relationship and you as a person.

Me personally I wouldn't be happy about putting 5k more in than him....petty or not that's just me. Probably abit uptight. I would certainly expect him to put that back in some how on renovations etc. Unless he earnt significantly less than me.

But on the other hand I don't understand all this sharing bank accounts etc, not something I've ever been happy about. Me and my boyfriend split the bills in half and we have our own money and do what we please with it. But we earn roughly the same 

Whose time is more valuable? Or is it equal? If one of you mends a fence, do you split the cost of what could be 'earned' during that time?

if you think about it, time is a valuable asset. By working less hours I can budget better so we save more money.

How does that work with things being equal? 

jazzyja

lookstraightahead said:

jazzyja said:

Alot of this depends on the dynamics of your relationship and you as a person.

Me personally I wouldn't be happy about putting 5k more in than him....petty or not that's just me. Probably abit uptight. I would certainly expect him to put that back in some how on renovations etc. Unless he earnt significantly less than me.

But on the other hand I don't understand all this sharing bank accounts etc, not something I've ever been happy about. Me and my boyfriend split the bills in half and we have our own money and do what we please with it. But we earn roughly the same 

Whose time is more valuable? Or is it equal? If one of you mends a fence, do you split the cost of what could be 'earned' during that time?

if you think about it, time is a valuable asset. By working less hours I can budget better so we save more money.

How does that work with things being equal? 

Yes. But its been 11 years and it works for us. Not everyone has the same values/morals/money management. We're all completely different 

So really....the fact that OP is asking this question....means they've actually already answered it themselves unknowingly 

jazzyja

lookstraightahead said:

jazzyja said:

Alot of this depends on the dynamics of your relationship and you as a person.

Me personally I wouldn't be happy about putting 5k more in than him....petty or not that's just me. Probably abit uptight. I would certainly expect him to put that back in some how on renovations etc. Unless he earnt significantly less than me.

But on the other hand I don't understand all this sharing bank accounts etc, not something I've ever been happy about. Me and my boyfriend split the bills in half and we have our own money and do what we please with it. But we earn roughly the same 

Whose time is more valuable? Or is it equal? If one of you mends a fence, do you split the cost of what could be 'earned' during that time?

if you think about it, time is a valuable asset. By working less hours I can budget better so we save more money.

How does that work with things being equal? 

I'd also like to point out we've both been out of work and things have happened over the years and never has a discussion of supporting each other. We just do it. When we buy a car....we just do it and save equally. I suppose that's just the norm for us?? As for him spending time doing renovations....again it probably wouldn't be something that's even discussed. We're both pretty laid back 🤷‍♀️