My friend lying about job

JJC1956

Is your friends name Harvey

seven-day-weekend

We have a friend who tells us lies, even when there is no 'need' for him to.  We don't always know straight away that something is a lie, but we always find him out eventually.

However, like the OP's friend, he has other qualities that we like very much about him, so we grit our teeth about this unpleasant aspect of his character.  We just learn from it and don't fall for the same lie again.  On occasions we have called him out on it, he just says 'oh yeah,' in a sheepish voice but it doesn't stop him repeating the behaviour.

You either have to do this, (i.e. accept this unpleasant trait as a not particularly pleasant part of his personality, and remember that the nice bits outweigh it,) or end the friendship.

sim2335

Just talking again to him today, anthor lecture on how you have to give yourslef importance, which I agreed with, then he said because you don’t that’s why you, lost in life at a lot of things, then I’m like haven’t lost at anything, what have I lost at,then he just chnage subject.

It’s so annoying when he says deep down you agree too, at stuff I don’t even agree with.

Then afterwards he acts all normal.

I just want to tell him, but it’s too hard he’s to clever for me to say anything like that.

sim2335

Like today, if I ditch him I went round relatives house, and needed someone to talk as they took mick as I struggle to drive there, talking to him helped me a lot, and he gave some good advice, (such as you placing to much importance on them, put importance on yourslef only, you I’m overthinking and gave me comebacks to what they said etc if I ditch him I wouldn’t have this.

MalMonroe

But see, you are talking about your friend on here, so what kind of friend are you being to him? True friends just don't do that kind of thing. I wouldn't dream of writing anything about any of my friends on a public forum.

Now you're also talking about a relative who wasn't very kind to you. I do think that you sound very young and the best advice has already been given, that is to go to places where you will meet new people and make new friendships. 

If you want to have good relationships with other people, be they friends or relatives, you will have to be respectful and not talk about them behind their backs. Most people have friends who tell tall tales and we can either just laugh with them or decide we don't want to be friends with them any more. 

Nobody really can advise you what to do because only you know what you want out of a friendship. But don't forget that every friendship is a two way street and don't you think that your friend would be upset to know that you are just telling everyone on here what he's doing and saying all the time? 

You cannot control anyone else, including your friend. If you are not happy with him as he is, then maybe it is high time to move on.

74jax

sim2335 said:

Just talking again to him today, anthor lecture on how you have to give yourslef importance, which I agreed with, 

It's not a 'lecture'. You agree with him, it's a discussion. You have said this discussion HELPED you as he gave you things to do say and deal with your relatives

then he said because you don’t that’s why you, lost in life at a lot of things, then I’m like haven’t lost at anything, what have I lost at,then he just chnage subject.

It’s so annoying when he says deep down you agree too, at stuff I don’t even agree with.

Why is it annoying? If you don't agree, doors it matter what he thinks? Surely what you think is better? 

Then afterwards he acts all normal.

Because that is what people do, have a conversation and move on. You seem to think and think about the conversation - EVERY conversation - and spend longer thinking about it, than what it actually took. 

I just want to tell him, but it’s too hard he’s to clever for me to say anything like that

Tell him what? .

 

I don't know what you want to tell him.  You say his talks help and he helps you talk and give replies to your family and you would miss that. If you want to tell him this just say his advice is really appreciated.

You say he tells you to have confidence which is excellent.

If he says 'deep down you know', 
just reply 'I'll have to look really deep down' and laugh.

Change the subject to 'did you know......' or 'did you see......' 

Pollycat

Do you really want or need a friend who puts you down?
Who tells you that you've 'lost in life at a lot of things'?
Even if it's true?
Friends are supportive, they don't put you down for no reason.

If cutting this person out of your life isn't an option and you feel his behaviour is getting unacceptable, could you put your thoughts and feelings down in writing for him to read?

sim2335

The guy is unemployed all his life and has a driving license but stopped driving, and he tells me I’ve lost in life because I don’t give myself importantce.

He did give me lots of good advice, but no need for things like that, and I want you to rember this etc

Then after his 40 minute chat, he then moves on to normal stuff like games etc

I don’t mention how it’s important for him to get a job, how much money his losing, he’s not rich enough not to work, or his wasting his license without a car, how sisters are getting ahead in life and his in same postion.

sim2335

I’ve decided now, next time he puts me down, even once I’m just gona do same to him I don’t care if it creates a argument ive done it before, even if we meet and it ruins the whole day.

im gona wait for him, to contact me…then he will say you haven’t contacted me in ages I’m supsiresd, then I will say needed a break from that importance lecture, if he laughs it off fine,but if he goes I only told you cos I’m your mate., fair enough..now you told me., then he might say I want you to rember it I will say, why’s it what you want me to rember.

Pollycat

sim2335 said:

The guy is unemployed all his life and has a driving license but stopped driving, and he tells me I’ve lost in life because I don’t give myself importantce.

He did give me lots of good advice, but no need for things like that, and I want you to rember this etc

Then after his 40 minute chat, he then moves on to normal stuff like games etc

I don’t mention how it’s important for him to get a job, how much money his losing, he’s not rich enough not to work, or his wasting his license without a car, how sisters are getting ahead in life and his in same postion.

Sim2335
I really don't think that continually posting things that he says or does that annoys you is helping.

You either:

1. put up with his ways because he's a good friend despite his shortcomings
2. tell him that some of the things he says annoys you and hope he'll take it on board and change
3. cut him out of your life