Future Proofing my life: Deposit saving then MFW journey in under 13 years

Suffolk_lass

LadyWithAPlan said:

Had a fun night out  yesterday after our final class - where I gave some advice to someone on their career  (creative)  and next forward steps - they had asked me a few weeks ago for my advice  (so it was not unsolicited) and sent me some  unasked for links, and reminded me tonight so I  had chance to give my opinion in the pub.... - gave them some new ideas, brainstormed, encouraged them to go for it... so many peoples careers got stopped/stymied during covid (inc mine) and getting started again seems hard  - we all need a gentle reminder at times how fabulous we are and how only we can 'start our engines'  - 

Someone else said later that they could see how supportive I was in that moment, but when they first met me  in class they had assumed I was  very different, v (too) confident in class and maybe quite 'selfish'  - but it was clear now how much I stood up for others and was not what they had assumed initially.
I wasnt offended - more amused,    confident women of any age still seem to rock some people especially coming from 'traditional' cultures as the person speaking did ( i hadnt judged them but it seems there was  initial unconscious bias on their part) .. i know who I am and how I support others whilst also having a great career. I just take my space calmly, I dont beg for it. nor yell but I do take my space, no more no less.
Its the great thing about London with so many different cultures here - we all study, work, live in this amazing place and  human to human we all get to know each other as fellow humans, so these divisions these politicians use to get votes  (skin colour, origin, religion, gender, sexuality) are frustrating to watch as well as dangerous.

However  in the middle ages I would have probably been burnt at some stake. ...  (*no past life regression for me!) 

This is exactly the sort of comment I used to get. People at work found me intimidatingly direct, but IF they take the time to get to know you, they find a very different person - just as long as we are aware that some people will write you off on that first impression. It's their loss but can impact you too (going for jobs, contracts etc) so worthy of a little thought, even if it doesn't extend to pink and fluffy introductions

Watty1

I think that is something all women can aim for, to take their space calmly and to know themselves.  For some of us it will take a lifetime. 

KajiKita

I get the thing about being seen as intimidating until people get to know you. The transition between the two states seems to be getting faster as I’m getting older - maybe because I’m more confident now and therefore more relaxed (even within my focused and asking challenging questions presentation … 😉).

KK

LadyWithAPlan

Flossymuldoo said:

Glad your trip went well although really miffed for you having to fork out for the boiler!   But i totally agree with not wanting to be cold. I am quite a warm person so don't get cold much but when i do it's the most depressing thing ever.

Love the...
"we all need a gentle reminder at times how fabulous we are and how only we can 'start our engines' "   

I also run warm but waking up at 3 degrees outside .. not fun! 
The lady whose advice I gave has text me today thanking me also for the advice and the gentle kick up the   ...



The soup was iconic - nice fresh chilli , corainder, lime and coconut milk always peps things up. I did fry lardons, mushrooms and onions on slow and added as a 'topper' delicious! 

I have now blended it down so quick to reheat in morning to take with me in a flask. Also made my GF, DF protein flapjacky pancake thing - having some hot now but will also take as something sweet but nutritious to eat. Reading of so many MFWs baking is killing me

LadyWithAPlan

@edinburger ouch on the boiler cost ! I am finding it being so cold that I am living in one room in the flat apart from at bedtime (as I crowd the heaters in there ) so I am seeing that my flat feels  very untidy and cluttered as I am avoiding spending time in any cold rooms ! 

Hopefully the fan will fix everything tomorrow! 

Having said that I am this morning going to dress up in 20 layers and get to tidying as there is some sunshine  (may get skipping rope out and skip every 20 mins to increase blood flow ! The mess is now annoying me 

on my London life I love it - the art the live culture theatre music comedy events .. the huge amount of interesting different people 
it’s why I pay the price to live here 

@savingholmes Some cash arrived more to ask for Monday though 

off to the gym this afternoon and then seeing a friend - do want to do a EOM MB roundup as well as my YNAB 

ladysummerisle

Intrigued by the “GF, DF protein flapjacky pancake thing”. I’m attempting GF but it’s so hard on the sweet treat front. 

LadyWithAPlan

Suffolk_lass said:

LadyWithAPlan said:

Had a fun night out  yesterday after our final class - where I gave some advice to someone on their career  (creative)  and next forward steps - they had asked me a few weeks ago for my advice  (so it was not unsolicited) and sent me some  unasked for links, and reminded me tonight so I  had chance to give my opinion in the pub.... - gave them some new ideas, brainstormed, encouraged them to go for it... so many peoples careers got stopped/stymied during covid (inc mine) and getting started again seems hard  - we all need a gentle reminder at times how fabulous we are and how only we can 'start our engines'  - 

Someone else said later that they could see how supportive I was in that moment, but when they first met me  in class they had assumed I was  very different, v (too) confident in class and maybe quite 'selfish'  - but it was clear now how much I stood up for others and was not what they had assumed initially.
I wasnt offended - more amused,    confident women of any age still seem to rock some people especially coming from 'traditional' cultures as the person speaking did ( i hadnt judged them but it seems there was  initial unconscious bias on their part) .. i know who I am and how I support others whilst also having a great career. I just take my space calmly, I dont beg for it. nor yell but I do take my space, no more no less.
Its the great thing about London with so many different cultures here - we all study, work, live in this amazing place and  human to human we all get to know each other as fellow humans, so these divisions these politicians use to get votes  (skin colour, origin, religion, gender, sexuality) are frustrating to watch as well as dangerous.

However  in the middle ages I would have probably been burnt at some stake. ...  (*no past life regression for me!) 

This is exactly the sort of comment I used to get. People at work found me intimidatingly direct, but IF they take the time to get to know you, they find a very different person - just as long as we are aware that some people will write you off on that first impression. It's their loss but can impact you too (going for jobs, contracts etc) so worthy of a little thought, even if it doesn't extend to pink and fluffy introductions

KajiKita said:

I get the thing about being seen as intimidating until people get to know you. The transition between the two states seems to be getting faster as I’m getting older - maybe because I’m more confident now and therefore more relaxed (even within my focused and asking challenging questions presentation … 😉).

KK

It’s definitely about expectations of women’s behaviour vs men in the work place … 

As you both say it’s important to be aware of it - but as women I think we are generally better socially and more aware of any group dynamics anyway 

My work and various side hustles my confidence and leadership have to be rooted in knowledge, speed and ability to lead . I do think my first career in finance made me learn to be more clear /direct /express myself in front of large groups of v intelligent often big ego men and I had to learn to dissemble that - however it’s an easy pattern to fall back into 


Certainly socially I am like a pied piper and gifted (big word I know!) largely cos I love finding out about people so am quick to ask about them, remember last time we spoke and what they said etc and try to involve all so that breaks down barriers. I always try to come from kindness and interest - and listening as well as my own story telling .. 
in fact I was at a thing yesterday and over lunch (just bought sandwiches)  a very brilliant female producer (American) was very much talking and not really asking questions of others at all and if so came back to herself  quickly  so I listened as she was interesting but I am sure that’s been me also in the past work related - we are all a work in progress. 

I am quite sure though some people have chosen to judge me in my confidence - I think in this case in class we have not really spent much time chatting so we turn up do class and leave they only really see my interactions with the tutor so I didn’t get to ask them about themselves much and work the La Plan magic 

on my contracts I have all companies I have repeatedly worked with for 5, 10, 20 years - once I get the work I generally keep it and they rebook me for it - but good to think when getting interviews about that ongoing balance of space for others and also showing myself 

Boring though that us women have a different standard expected of us than men!! 

As @watty1 says we all  need to hold space for ourselves and also be aware of others
 Watty1 said:

I think that is something all women can aim for, to take their space calmly and to know themselves.  For some of us it will take a lifetime. 

there are various interesting theories on circles and our space - to be too small means we hold ourselves in and only listen and don’t communicate  (& are v focused on our small circle) 
to be too large (in the circumstances) means we speak and yell out energetically and don’t listen - good when holding lectures not in life 

So the mid way is to take our circle/space  but allow ourselves to listen and speak 

triple_choc_chip

Boring though that us women have a different standard expected of us than men!!

“Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.” “Luckily, this is not difficult.” - Charlotte Whitton, Canadian politician.

The first half of this phrase existed since the 1920’s; obviously so much has improved since those women were trailblazers so do we think it still applies?

When I started my 1st business in 1984 I couldn’t open a business bank account without my grandfather agreeing to be my guarantor.  That has changed surely but 40 years later I still have to fight hard not to be dismissed out of hand and 3 times to date it was a female bank manager (3 different women) who listened, took me seriously and got things done.

dawnybabes

It’s a hard balance not helped by being female.  Pre DS I’d always worked in a predominantly male professional environment- with a mix of men - the aww she’s a woman must give her some slack, talk slowly sort of blokes to the im going to push her as far as I can because she will just ‘do’ it. 

I’m very sociable and seem to attract ‘people’, I’ve just had one who had decided that they where going to be my best friend (I have enough close friends thank you) and I just couldn’t shake this woman off.  Only resolved by finding another lonely lady and introducing them and stepping back. 

Most of us are chameleons and change to suit - it’s the learning this and seeing it that takes time 🤣🤣

SandyShores

dawnybabes said: .......

I’m very sociable and seem to attract ‘people’, I’ve just had one who had decided that they where going to be my best friend (I have enough close friends thank you) and I just couldn’t shake this woman off.  Only resolved by finding another lonely lady and introducing them and stepping back. 

I seem to get this too.  I like to be friendly but hate people encroaching on me.  Good thinking about finding another one and pairing them up.