Is it dangerous to move to house with structural issues

Section62

weeg said:

 If your ex still keeps kicking off, I'd be calling the Institution of Structural Engineers and asking how you complain about professional conduct. 

...if he's a member.

On the other hand, if the OP relies on maintenance payments from the Ex it could be counterproductive for her to compromise his earning ability. Some of the issues in this thread are more in the territory of the Relationships board.

hnnguse

@Section62 , we were never married and he haha no financial liability towards anything I do. The mortgage offer is only on my name 

Yes , he is a Chartered Structural Engineer 

hnnguse

@weeg, I’m in full time employment and not financially dependent on him

hnnguse

This is update for those who kindly followed my post and offered advice:

27th July- Following the advise from the group. I instructed an independent Chartered SE.  His views are : “ I have no reason to doubt the safety of the property, there are no indications of any structural damage, or possible future failures.
”During my visit I couldn’t find any signs that may cause any concern on the buildings current stability / soundness.”

“Without opening exposing what looks like a drop beam in the lounge, I wont be able to verify the adequacy of the support, however I couldn’t find any cracks or any other signs of structural damage that may raise concern.”

24th Aug- The court has served me with my ex application for prohibited Steps Order, stopping me to move with the children .The hearing is next week Thursday,2nd Sept. I am moving this Saturday, 28th Aug. His solicitors have emailed me, telling me not to move or the ex will not return the children to me if I moved. Will That not be kid abduction? I am still moving anyway and the only person who will move my children out of that house is the Judge on Thursday.

Doozergirl

Well done for not being intimidated by him through this whole saga.  

I'm completely speechless at his behaviour.   I don't have any personal experience of family courts, but having worked for Childrens Services for a time and also have watched what a friend went through, it is a long and painful process to take custody from genuinely neglectful parents with some really seriously ingrained issues.  You're doing absolutely nothing wrong.  How does a solicitor get away with supporting someone to make threats like that?  

I'd love to give you a massive hug, actually. You're doing so well to be providing a lovely home for your kids, don't let him tell you anything otherwise!  And a high five for removing yourself from a relationship involving that kind of coercive and controlling behaviour.    I'm sure it wasn't easy.  

pinkteapot

I am shocked at this thread and the updates. His behaviour is utterly despicable. 

I just wanted to check that you have a solicitor to represent you at the court date? Don’t be tempted to represent yourself, no matter how obvious it seems that he hasn’t got a case… 

FaceHead

You absolutely need to report this shocking behaviour to his professional body (IStructE I suppose?). I'd propose doing this before next Thursday, so that you can say that IStructE are investigating, if that comes up. 

Basically he's attempting to use his profession to control you for his own ends, which is borderline criminal behaviour and definitely brings the profession into disrepute. 

Given your independent report, the expectation is that the judge will give him a dressing down next Thursday. Ideally you'd get a copy or transcript of that and add it to your report. 

Doozergirl

FaceHead said:

You absolutely need to report this shocking behaviour to his professional body (IStructE I suppose?). I'd propose doing this before next Thursday, so that you can say that IStructE are investigating, if that comes up. 

Basically he's attempting to use his profession to control you for his own ends, which is borderline criminal behaviour and definitely brings the profession into disrepute. 

Given your independent report, the expectation is that the judge will give him a dressing down next Thursday. Ideally you'd get a copy or transcript of that and add it to your report. 

Coercive control in itself is criminal 😞.  You make a great point about his professional body.  

Section62

hnnguse said:

24th Aug- The court has served me with my ex application for prohibited Steps Order, stopping me to move with the children .The hearing is next week Thursday,2nd Sept. I am moving this Saturday, 28th Aug.

When is your completion date?  Your solicitor should be asking the court to bring the hearing forward to before completion, so you can complete on the purchase with certainty that you will be able to move into the house with your children.

hnnguse said:

 His solicitors have emailed me, telling me not to move or the ex will not return the children to me if I moved. Will That not be kid abduction?

No.  Unless there is a court order in place already, either parent can refuse to return the children to the other parent e.g. if there are (genuine) concerns about the children's safety.

His solicitors wouldn't be telling you he is going to do something if it isn't legal.

What have your solicitors said?

thegreenone

Sounds like blackmail.  You can check if he is a member here Members Directory - The Institution of Structural Engineers (istructe.org)  it gives his membership number etc

I wish you all the very best.