had a guts full

maypole

At 15 they are ruled by their hormones and while you have to make allowances for some behaviour, you also have to have rules, you can't pander to them all the time.

It's easy to react and do things in a temper so if you make a threat or a promise you have to be able to abide by it, so be careful what you threaten them with while the red mist is in front of your eyes:mad: Every parent with teenagers will know what I mean. They will then learn that you are going to stick by your decision. You have to try and remain rational while they aren't.

As long as she has other presents to open she is not going without.

Hope you have a great Christmas.

sarah1975uk

ka7e wrote: »

Sarak1975uk - you've hit the nail on the head when you say your son doesn't realise the consequences of his actions. There is research to show this is typical of most boys until some time after puberty! They just don't have the pathways laid down in their brain to make the link between action and consequences. They tend to have poor risk assessment, which means they don't appreciate when something is dangerous and they often fail to learn from previous experiences.
I know you must be at your wit's end, but have you tried loving him to pieces! That was the advice my Mum got many years ago when she had problems with one of my brothers. As bad behaviour is often a bid for attention of any sort (even punishment), she was told to pre-empt it with constant hugs and reassurance. She just made him feel he was the centre of her universe and didn't need to misbehave to get her attention. It was hard to cuddle a child that made you feel so angry, but she realised it broke the circle of resentment and frustration she felt locked into. I also feel boys miss the physical contact (cuddles etc) they have had at a younger age, especially when younger children arrive. At 9 and a half, he too, is in the difficult position of being neither baby nor young man and is probably confused a great deal of the time!

Thanks i have tried everything. This last weekend must have been the worst yet. Picked the kids up today and James is being the model child (so far lol) am gobsmacked! I told him again this morning before school that i do love him very much and always will, that is his bad behaviour that i dont like. over the past few weeks has kept leaving coats at school forgetting bags etc driving me nuts. well today he brought all 4 coats home lol and remembered his school bag. we opened the car door at home and he said bad James has gone forever.. we shall see and i want so much to have my nice loving james back and hope this is maybey the turning point. I dont expect the years ahead to be perfect i know there will be many ups and downs but stealing, lying and disrespect are unaceptable and not traits i want my children to think of acceptable. Not sure how much he understands about all this perhaps hes just had a mini lightbulb moment who knows hes male lol. All i know is i wasnt a perfect child by any means had all the growing up dramas but i knew my boundaries and knew how to show respect, that was certainly drummed into me.

siamesecats

just found out that it was a house party she had been to.loads of alcohol there .the party was 4 miles away :eek: spoke to her friends mum 2 day she had no idea what has been going on.

SmileBeHappy

siamesecats wrote: »

thanks for your happy post :j like i havent got enough to worry about.the way she has made me feel and the rest of my family for the last year if she carries on she wont have to feel like running away cos i will beat her to it :mad:

So what your saying is you only want answers that agree with you... sorry, but i can't give it...

I might think you're doing the right thing... but im saying from what you say about ur daughter... i wouldn't be suprissed if she reacted badly...

I know many people who would react badly with the punishment you gave

Good luck and all the best though... sorry i came across so bad...

sarah1975uk

Siamesecats has tried everything else, i completely agree with not giving her daughter the computer, her daughter may not like it at the moment, but in time she will learn a valuable lesson and in turn hopefully change her ways for the better and also set a good example to her other kids too. Kids have got to learn they cant hold us parents to ransom of us fearing bad uncontrolable behaviour, the have to learn the art of give and take and compromise and remember that its us parents that are in charge not the kids. Tough love is sometimes best and although us parents can appear to be the bad guys in a situation that our kids have our unconditional love always but they have to respect boundaries.

There are too many parents out there with kids that are way out of control teenagers that dont have the love and support from their uncaring parents at least siamesecats is trying her best and loves and wants to help her kids in the best way she can.

ailuro2

You are trying your very best to get her through it without having a criminal record when she goes looking for a job, as one day she will, whether she leaves at 16 and works in a local burger van, or goes to Uni- she needs help to curb her behaviour now, and by not rewarding bad behaviour with an expoensive PC you are going in the right direction.

Yes, OK, she is full of hormones- we all remember the frustration of the teenage years, and being desperate to go and do exactly what we wanted. If we had been allowed to do exactly as we pleased,we all know the consequences of that- it could have ruined our lives!!

There's no easy answer- keep telling her you love her and will be there for her, but that you refuse to let her lie to you and steal from you.
Christmas isn't about expensive presents anyway, so spend the money on a day trip for the kids who are being well behaved.;)

john.xs

why dont you write aletter to her highlighting your thoughts feelingsand concerns.i know someone who tried this and it had an amazing effect on their teen horror.that way you dont get into face to face confrontation and all that goes with it. its worth a shot.

tightrs

crickey i thought my two teens 13 and 16 were lazy and ungratefull etc but after reading this thread they are little angels compared to some.

i_wanna_save_money!

For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing re: the pc. Hopefully, she will learn from this and change her behaviour.