had a guts full

shazrobo

does he school your daughter attend have a community policeman?
i ask, because both of my sons school does, and any bad behaviour gets reported to him, likewise school does the same, they earn points for their good behaviour, and lose points for their bad behaviour, mostly it has worked, and my sons are really respectful and well behaved

tanith

I have read this thread with interest as I have a 14 (going on 25)yr old granddaughter who pushed my daughter to the limit and then when she still couldn't get her way (complete freedom to do as she pleased) she turned round and said I won't live here anymore I am going to live with Dad, my daughter was devastated but she gave in gracefully and let her go... now she has no boundaries and no one to keep her in check and I am beside myself with worry about the 'mistakes' she is going to be allowed to make... I know that there is nothing I can do as its not an easy situation she has already been caught shoplifting (her friend put it in her pocket was her answer) :rotfl: not sure if the fact they let her off with a ban and a warning was a good thing or not... she tells barefaced lies about where she is and where she is going and when caught out appears to not care at all... just occasionally the gorgeous kind and thoughtful girl will peek out but she soon reverts back to type...

I am just a little relieved to hear the stories of kids who have gone through this and come out the otherside still likeable human beings... I have everything crossed that life changing events (such as pregnancy and drugs or drink) will not be part of her fight for independence and that she will be able to get through it relatively unscathed

I hope those of u in similar circumstances have the fortitude to ride it out and get back the child you had as a fully independant adult....

taxi97w

Ever thought of speaking to your girl and asking her why she chooses to behave this way?

Nobody does anything inappropriate- given their view of the world.

Edinburghlass_2

Have to agree with the above, taking back the pc maybe made you feel better yesterday but what do you plan on giving her on Christmas Day or will that turn into another bad day for everyone?

I would also agree with the poster who suggested a 3 month trial of good behaviour.

siamesecats

Edinburghlass wrote: »

Have to agree with the above, taking back the pc maybe made you feel better yesterday but what do you plan on giving her on Christmas Day or will that turn into another bad day for everyone?

I would also agree with the poster who suggested a 3 month trial of good behaviour.

the agreement was made that if she wanted a pc that she would only be getting a few other bits and pieces for xmas. we warned her on a few occasions that if she continued with this behavior she wouldnt be getting it. she will still have prezzies at xmas but not a pc. i feel i have to make a stand on this for the future sake of my other children. i hope they will learn from this also- bad behavior doent get rewarded.;)

mrcow

I have to say that I think you did 100% the right thing. What kind of message are you giving her if you let her have a PC for Christmas?.......take the rise all year and get a computer at the end of it. I assume she'll have other smaller presents to open anyway on the day?

It must be hard with five children, especially when one of them is so young. Perhaps it's worth sitting down and telling her that you want the whole PC thing to draw a line under things and that she should move on from there. Perhaps ask her too what needs to change in order for her to start turning herself around?

Sarahjovi

Well done for making a stand.

Sarah

elly2

wow, i admire you and wish i had the guts to do what you have done, my case is a bit different to yours and dd is slightly younger (13) we have already been to court with her once as i got her charged with stealing £50 out of my purse (found the police were useless tbh they wanted to make an appointment to come out and see me at 7pm the day i reported her , yeah like she was going to come home with the money) she has a school support worker(someone who talks to both of us) and a councillor as well, she has done the staying out all night(numerous police visits to get her to come back home) i have had the i want to go and live with my dad/care/foster home etc etc. All the verbal abuse under the sun, she has stole again while awaiting her court apperance wich involved forensics coming to my home(but a finger print lifted was not clear enough to show it was her). The amount of times she has had me thinking i can't take any more and the amount of times my partner/other children have seen me at breaking point sobbing on the floor just is not fair on any of them or me tbh, but i always seem to give in makes me feel weak and a failure even though i am making things worse by giving in the guilt i feel about doing it stops me iyswim.

Gingham_Ribbon

Now you've done it, you must follow it through so I wouldn't give her it at Christmas, though I agree with your idea of giving her some other bits and pieces so christmas isn't ruined. At some point a child needs to learn that you set the rules and if she breaks them there will be consequences.

So that's the punishment. The next bit is the reward for good behaviour. She will need to feel she has some reason to behave herself. What about setting some achievable targets for her and every day she makes it through them you could put something towards the computer into a penny jar?

eg be home by 10.30, 11 on Friday and Saturday
no stealing
complete one job towards the running of the household

Then work out how much per day she would need to earn to be able to buy it herself in 6 months time. (She's not allowed to use the money for anything else.)

The reason I added the last one was to try to involve her in family life. The tasks couldl be used to help her bond with siblings or you as well as giving her a sense of everyone pulling together as a family (assuming everyone else DOES help round the house.)

You could even buy her a nice penny bank for christmas with a note explaining the rules - so she knows on Christmas day that she CAN have the computer but only if she earns it.

Oh and if you do something like this, you'd need to make sure you ALWAYS had the money at the end of the day to put in the jar = it sounds like she'd need an immediate sense of reward each day for it to work.

jordylass

Elly2, I could totally relate to your post. My oldest daughter (almost 21 now) was an absolute nightmare between about 13 and 16. She was drinking, staying out and having boys in, and was extremely difficult to live with.
I have to admit, I never found a solution and my husband thought I was way too soft with her, as I did not deprive her of anything.
She is a wonderful young woman now, she got pregnant at 16, and although no one would have planned that, it turned her around and the responsibility of looking after someone else made her grow up, I'm obviously not advocating that as a solution.
When we talk now, she says that she does not know how I put up with her behavior at that time, and sometimes I remember wishing she could live somewhere else, the hardest thing was not the effect her behavior had on me, but on the rest of the family, particularly her younger siblings, and the rows it caused between me and my hubby.
I remember how difficult it was to be an adolescent and would not wish that on anyone, so I just wanted to be there for her when she needed me.
I just wanted to reinforce that they do come through it, and very few young people end up being antisocial through into their 20's.