Am I a terrible person?

remote_control

Hi Jack, Have you seen the thread 'what small things will you do today to be debt free'

Just take it one day at a time. Have you stopped spending on credit? Have you got direct debits set up for all of them for the minimum payments?

Sncjw

Are you still in contract for your phones. You didn't mention how old your son is. I'm guessing the third phone is for him.

bargainbetty

May I make the suggestion that you call Barclays about that empty card and find out if you could get a 0% period or a low-life-of-balance transfer offer. If you can get one of the higher figures onto a 0% card, but keep your payments as they are, you will clear that balance quicker. 

If all else fails, then I would try to pay off the Very with that card to reduce the interest level, just make sure you keep the payment level as it is - do not fall into the temptation of minimum payments when you have and can afford more. 

Best of luck x

Jackmessedup

bargainbetty said:

May I make the suggestion that you call Barclays about that empty card and find out if you could get a 0% period or a low-life-of-balance transfer offer. If you can get one of the higher figures onto a 0% card, but keep your payments as they are, you will clear that balance quicker. 

If all else fails, then I would try to pay off the Very with that card to reduce the interest level, just make sure you keep the payment level as it is - do not fall into the temptation of minimum payments when you have and can afford more. 

Best of luck x

Hi 

I have tried but nothing right now. I have seen stuff in the media regarding Bcard reducing limits and trying to get rid of customers, so that may be why offers have dried up. 

Jackmessedup

I posted this on a separate thread not realising that this wasn't allowed - sorry!

Copied and pasted below

Struggling mentally today with the level of our debts. I had a conversation with Stephchange e yesterday just to see if there was anything that could be done for us. The lady was lovely and explained that as we are able to meet our repayments, we would not be eligible for any sort of debt solution, even if some of the interest is high.kn During the conversation she said somerhing along the lines of.. "although you debt is quite high"..... Now I know it high, however I suffer with some anxiety and this has made me stressed. 

I know our debts are high but when I am feeling stressed and anxious I often blow it our of proportion. Nobody really talks about debt in real life so I beat myself up that nobody owes as much as we do. 
 
How common is it for couples to have debts of our level (60k+)? Is it common but hidden, or are we an extreme case?

Grumpy_chap

Hi Jack,
I think the main thing you've done is to recognise the challenge and admit you'd like the debt to be lower.  You are now working on that, which is great and you can be proud to have made that step.
When things are difficult, it is not unusual to feel anxious, stressed and even over-whelmed.
This is a big first step to be asking for support - you can't do everything at once, so try to make one change or take one positive action at a time.

alt80

Not read the whole thing but if BC aren't doing any offers worth finding another 0% - sounds like the interest you're paying is pretty high mate. Another option get a few 0% purchase cards, put all your spends on those and hammer the interest baring debt. However are you in a position where the banks have stopped offering you cheap credit? If that's the case you need to stop applying for it, pay some down and look at it in a few months time. You'll hammer your credit record if you make a load of applications that get rejected. 

I don't think £60k is that uncommon but will depend on your income too. Fwiw you're about the same age as me and possibly have similar issues with the mindset idk. If it makes you feel any better counting all the debt I'm on the hook for that's well into 7 figures and I've been in £150k+ of card / car debt for longer than I can remember; have been in the position of 6 figures of credit card debt in years gone and I know it's !!!!!! horrendous. It's given me an awful lot of sleepless nights over the years, I question my choices in life a lot tbh. 

remote_control

Please read some diaries as I have seen many in your position.

You need to break it down into manageable chunks and goals. 
1. stop spending on credit and make sure direct debits are set up for all the debts so that minimum payments are made.
2. pay off Very.

Ignore the total amount. If you have done step 1 then things are only going to get better!! 

As alt80 says once the total has reduced a bit and you've had a few months without applying for any new credit you will start to be offered the 0% deals again.

[Deleted User]

I think you might benefit from starting a Debt Free Wannabe diary as somewhere to track your progress and write down your thoughts as you go on your debt free diary. 

I don’t think you’re a terrible person and I think your wife is being unkind by continue to bury her head in the sand when you’re so stressed out about the situation. Sure she’s agreed to cutting back but doesn’t appear interested in knowing how much you jointly owe. 

Sea_Shell

Jackmessedup said:

I posted this on a separate thread not realising that this wasn't allowed - sorry!

Copied and pasted below

Struggling mentally today with the level of our debts. I had a conversation with Stephchange e yesterday just to see if there was anything that could be done for us. The lady was lovely and explained that as we are able to meet our repayments, we would not be eligible for any sort of debt solution, even if some of the interest is high.kn During the conversation she said somerhing along the lines of.. "although you debt is quite high"..... Now I know it high, however I suffer with some anxiety and this has made me stressed. 

I know our debts are high but when I am feeling stressed and anxious I often blow it our of proportion. Nobody really talks about debt in real life so I beat myself up that nobody owes as much as we do. 
 
How common is it for couples to have debts of our level (60k+)? Is it common but hidden, or are we an extreme case?

Trying to compare your situation to others is natural, but not really helpful.   You are all on your own individual path, some with bigger debt but more income, and others with smaller debt but smaller income and everywhere in between.

But you have recognised that it is a problem, and you are taking steps to sort it out.  That's the first major step.

Stress and anxiety can come from a feeling of not being in control.   So you need to do as much as possible to be able to feel in control.   Try and do at least one positive thing about the debt each day.   Write them down (publicly, here, if you're up to it).

1)  Contact StepChange.    You've done that. (OK they couldn't really help, but it's still a positive move)

2,3,4 +   etc are up to you.    This can be anything from, shopping around for cheaper bills, cutting up one of your cards, noting a spend that you haven't made (that you previously would have without thinking), making an extra payment on your highest APR card.    Basically focusing on the positive things you can control.