Am I a terrible person?

Karonher

The only person you are being terrible to is yourself. If your wife knew how much debt there was would she still be happy for holidays to go ahead and your spending habits to stay as they are?
If you are not happy about sharing right away could you pick a figure that you feel needs to be paid off in the next year or so. Pick something high and see if she gets involved. If her spending does not change you may just have to tell her the truth. 

Jackmessedup

Thank you for everyones comments. I really appreciate it. I took the plunge last night and brought up the topic of the debt after our son had gone to bed. I explained how I was getting a little worried about the level of debt that we have and that we really need to curb it and get things back under control. She never asked me how much and I didn't go down that road, however she did agree that we need to make cut backs and it was a fairly positive conversation. I then sat for over an hour and went through both of our bank statements. I have made a spreadsheet which contains every single thing that leaves our accounts each month - every direct debit. This includes everything such as minimum debt payments, house bills, basically every single thing that we pay - it was a long list! 

The grand total came to......£2826.01. 
I then thought about how much we need to spend on food and fuel. Our food shopping is our of control at the moment however I think that for a family of 3 we shouldn't really be exceeding £70 per week so £280 per month. We spend £160 on diesel and this isn't going to change. We also pay around £120 per month to our son's school for before and after school clubs and school dinners. This is another total of £560.

So it seems that to live, eat, drive and pay for our son's school essentials it's going to cost us £3386.01. It's scary to think that around a third of this is debt payments! 

As a couple we take home £5164 per month so in theory we would have £1777.99 left over. this highlights just how much we have been overspending as it doesn't feel as though we have this. I have checked and double checked the numbers and this is accurate. Not sure if I should feel happy about this or even more ashamed! 

sammyjammy

I think you've made great progress and I am really glad you talked issues and budgets with your wife.  You've done amazing work really quickly and if you could throw 90% of that surplus (I m sure there are small things you've missed) at your debt you could be debt free in just over 2 years - thats an amazing feat!

TheAble

The good news is with that kind of potential surplus you could pay off your debts in 2 years or so. Likely a lot of those outgoings you've sifted through have unnecessary stuff in them as well. Cable TV, high mobile phone bills etc

Jackmessedup

Thanks folks. Slightly less positive is that I also realised that the debts are a bit higher than I thought - nearer 60K and that doesn't incldue the car which is on a HP thingy. I am going to 'forget' the car for now as It feels overwhelming to include it and I haven't got the headspace, plus some of the higher interest CC debts need to be my absolute first priority. 

Yes, I know we are fortunate to have a decent potential surplus. Working on a round figure of 60K I reckon that we could clear it all in within 3 years if we allocate £1000 of the surplus to payment. I'd like to use some of the money to build up a small savings pot as something is bound to break! 

The car has 3 years left on it so I might just let this run but then not use HP again. 

So much to think about but I do feel lighter having plan

remote_control

Hi Jack,

What is your smallest debt? 
What is your highest interest debt?
How many debts do you have?

Naomim

Yes to the savings fund, but have you also factored in birthdays and Christmas and car maintenance?  I find putting money into these categories each month really helps. It's very satisfying knowing when something breaks or the car needs new tyres etc, the money is there.

Jackmessedup

remote_control said:

Hi Jack,

What is your smallest debt? 
What is your highest interest debt?
How many debts do you have?

Just about to post SOA

Jackmessedup

Hi everyone, 

I have done my SOA. The most difficult thing I have ever done. I 'll be honest - I am a 40 year old man and I have sat and cried. It's awful and I am so ashamed. God knows how it's come to this. 

Household Information[/b]

Number of adults in household........... 2

Number of children in household......... 1

Number of cars owned.................... 2[b]

Monthly Income Details[/b]

Monthly income after tax................ 3408

Partners monthly income after tax....... 1311

Benefits................................ 0

Other income............................ 280[b]

Total monthly income.................... 4999[/b][b]

Monthly Expense Details[/b]

Mortgage................................ 0

Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0

Rent.................................... 0

Management charge (leasehold property).. 0

Council tax............................. 114

Electricity............................. 176 includes overpayment as I was in arrears. Will drop to around £120

Gas..................................... 0

Oil..................................... 0

Water rates............................. 40

Telephone (land line)................... 24

Mobile phone............................ 100 - 3 phones

TV Licence.............................. 14

Satellite/Cable TV...................... 35

Internet Services....................... 25

Groceries etc. ......................... 300

Clothing................................ 50

Petrol/diesel........................... 160

Road tax................................ 6

Car Insurance........................... 60

Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0

Car parking............................. 0

Other travel............................ 0

Childcare/nursery....................... 120

Other child related expenses............ 0

Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 15

Pet insurance/vet bills................. 22

Buildings insurance..................... 18

Contents insurance...................... 0

Life assurance ......................... 36

Other insurance......................... 0

Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 50 - not sure if this is right. We normally just buy whatever

Haircuts................................ 20

Entertainment........................... 200 wasn't sure what to put here so I picked £200!

Holiday................................. 0

Emergency fund.......................... 0[b]

Total monthly expenses.................. 1585[/b]

[b]

Assets[/b]

Cash.................................... 1200

House value (Gross)..................... 215000

Shares and bonds........................ 0

Car(s).................................. 4800

Other assets............................ 0[b]

Total Assets............................ 221000[/b]

[b]

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts[/b]

[b]Unsecured Debts[/b]

Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR

loan 1.........................6900......132.......6.9

CC1............................12400.....256.......6.9

CC2............................4568......98........6.9

next...........................600.......56........0

creation ( wife)...............4800......135.......19.9

Tesco..........................4600......125.......19.9

Very (nasty)...................2400......128.......50

CC 0%..........................6800......120.......0

CC 5...........................2850......68........16.9

CC4 * nasty one)...............4900......185.......27

CC3 ( nasty one)...............9700......297.......24[b]

Total unsecured debts..........60518.....1600......-  [/b]

[b]

Monthly Budget Summary[/b]

Total monthly income.................... 4,999

Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,585

Available for debt repayments........... 3,414

Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 1,600[b]

Amount left after debt repayments....... 1,814[/b]

[b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]

Total assets (things you own)........... 221,000

Total HP & Secured debt................. -0

Total Unsecured debt.................... -60,518[b]

Net Assets.............................. 160,482[/b]

Jude57

Hi @Jackmessedup. I think you've missed your mortgage payment off your expenditure?