Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my friends the true cost of our holiday?

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  • pollypennypollypenny Forumite
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    The holiday was almost twice as much as you told your friends!  You were having to pay in instalments anyway.  Didn't your friends suspect? 

    Doesn't ring true, anyway.  
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
  • TELLIT01TELLIT01 Forumite
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    The situation the OP finds themself in is entirely of their own making.  If they couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the holiday cost they shouldn't have done it.  To ask for more money now would be no different to giving somebody a present and then asking them to pay for it months later.  Some of the recipients may not have gone in the first place had they known the full cost, and won't be in a position to pay now.  Asking for payment is a surefire way to destroy friendships.
  • CimscateCimscate Forumite
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    This is a strange one. It seems to me that treating them without their knowing means that you wanted a different holiday to them and went your own way by pretending it was in their budget? 

    Personally I'd feel patronised and annoyed however much I loved my friends. 

    I think you have to suck it up - you can't expect people to pay extra for something you chose and then hid the true cost from them. Especially when you obviously couldn't afford it either and took out a loan to pay for it. It all sounds very manipulative to me! 
  • NowVillagerNowVillager Forumite
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    If you can't afford it now, tell them you need to cancel and come clean about what you did and why. They may be angry: I would be. It's not OK to make financial decisions on behalf of others without their agreement, however positive your intentions, as it puts them in your debt. If they still want to go and offer to pay you the difference, great, but that must come from them. If really you can afford it and would just like a bit more money right now, say nothing: it was your choice, not theirs, so you take the consequences.
  • edited 14 April at 9:40AM
    John_GrayJohn_Gray Forumite
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    edited 14 April at 9:40AM
    So reminiscent of the Fred Astaire song which starts:
    How could you believe me when I said I love you
    When you know I've been a liar all my life
    I've had that reputation since I was a youth
    You must have been insane to think I'd tell you the truth
    You tell your 'friends' that the holiday costs less than half the true amount, and don't fund this shortfall at the time.
    Whatever you do now will end in tears, so prepare to lose either more money or your friends.
    It might be easiest to go into exile..
  • crmismcrmism Forumite
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    I'm afraid you will have to pay the price of your own deception. Having been told that their holiday would cost £400 and no more, you can't go back on your word and admit that the price was more than double that, and then expect your friends to fork out another £433 apiece. By telling them, you might have two less friends in future.
  • Sparky6_9Sparky6_9 Forumite
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    How was you going to reveal your 'treat'? Was it just something that you wanted to do but needed them for support but knew if you told them the real cost they would not go? Or did you assume that they could not afford it, so would not have gone if they knew the true cost. Are your friends really that naive that it only cost £400?
    Whatever your true intentions and I think there is more than being said here you just need to be honest with yourself and your friends. Find out what the cancellation policy is and give them options for recovering their money or going ahead in a positive way i.e. you can all afford it and have a good time. It will be a test of your friendship. They will likely be upset and annoyed but if they are true friends they will just call you a silly nana and you will have a great holiday.
    Next time do not treat your friends unless you have the money up front and remember you cannot buy friendship.
  • primrose_penguinprimrose_penguin Forumite
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    I think you should get your two friends together and have a chat about this holiday, apologise and tell them the truth that you wanted to partly pay for their holidays as a treat, when you could afford it before the lockdown, but now things have changed and you can no longer keep up the payments. You can then decide between you whether you want to cancel the holiday or whether they can afford to pay a bit more or go somewhere cheaper. If they are good friends they should understand. I would be really upset to know my friend was struggling to pay for the extra cost of my holiday that I did not know about, and I would not want her to be in that position. However in future however good your intentions are, you should be up front, especially as this was a large sum of money you were hoping to pay towards your friends holidays. You may have been able to afford it in the beginning but you never know what is around the corner, as you have found out. Good luck.
  • hulchulc Forumite
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    One presumes you are friends and as such you trust each other.  Therefore put your cards on the table and leave it to each of them to decide how they want to deal with it.  You certainly cannot insist they pay, but you can certainly ask for help. And will be understood that is entireley at their own discretion.

    From my own experience, if you trust people and ask for help, they are nearly always there for you (they are friends after all)
  • meknowalot-51meknowalot-51 Forumite
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    You've booked a holiday for yourself and two friends,the cost of which is all your treat for them.WHY???????????,not enough info.When did you book it?which lockdown?when is the holiday?Is this the only way they would join you on holiday?Are you just trying to impress people?What do you feel they should do when you tell them?...........pay £833 each for this treat your giving them?I suggest you do whatever it takes and find the money and above all .........say nothing.
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