Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my friends the true cost of our holiday?

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Replies

  • Dazler11111Dazler11111 Forumite
    2 Posts
    First Post
    MoneySaving Newbie
    It really depends on if your friends would have agreed to go if they knew the full price. If they wouldn't have then I do not see how you can ask them to pay. Why didn't you originally just tell them you would pay the extra for them to go on this particular holiday? Yes it was good intentioned, assuming you were not paying the extra for them so you wouldn't have to go alone or stay in a cheaper hotel etc. If you were essentially doing it to ' get your way' then you definitely shouldn't ask them to pay any extra. It really depends on the fine details of the case.
  • BristolHannahBristolHannah Forumite
    2 Posts
    First Post
    MoneySaving Newbie
    I really feel for you, what started as a comfortable kind gesture has backfired.
     
    I lean towards being honest with them then you can decide what to do together.

    Maybe see if you could cancel the trip, return the £400 to them and then maybe all look for a cheaper trip you can go on.

    It also depends on your friends financial situations; if they could afford the difference then discuss it with them, if you’re good enough friends the friendship will withstand this, you were doing a nice thing originally, and they’ll know your financial circumstances have changed as a result of the pandemic as I assume you’re good enough friends seen as you’re holidaying together? They’ll understand and either offer to pay the difference themselves (albeit probably a bit miffed) or you can agree a next step together. 

    They might have suspected you were subsidising it all along as a holiday that is £400 is very different in quality/location to a trip that’s over double that.

    Otherwise, maybe borrow the money from family to cover the difference and live and learn to pay for things up front when you have the money or put the money aside. 

    Good luck! 
  • EpidemeEpideme Forumite
    2 Posts
    Fifth Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    MoneySaving Newbie
    There are 3 different issues:
    1) you misled your friends over the cost - they probably would have been grateful for assistance but might have declined.
    2) you are still paying it off - irrespective of your intention, you haven't yet paid the excess on your friends behalf.
    3) you can't afford to pay what you're paying.

    The problems this caused are:
    1) your friends are unaware of the true cost - they may not have agreed to go
    2) you are now potentially going to ask them for money that they may not be able to afford and might not have agreed to pay
    3) aside from feeling lied to, they may feel tricked, manipulated or betrayed.
    3) they may miss the holiday they were looking forward to as a result of this.

    The solutions are unpalatable at this point:
    1) you continue to stoically bear the cost
    2) you come clean and they agree to pay
    3) you come clean and they decline to pay
    4) you cancel and they lose the holiday.

    I would suggest that the best course of action is:
    1) apologise
    2) tell them (possibly point to this thread if you're struggling to find a way to tell them)
    3) explain how it happened and why you're telling them now
    4) offer to try to cancel
    5) decide between you whether you want to try to cancel
    6) if not cancelling, agree how the remainder will be paid (all you with loans from them, split equally, remainder split equally, different amounts for different people etc).
  • MalMonroeMalMonroe Forumite
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    I think some people are being really harsh with their comments here. The OP simply wanted to treat two friends to a holiday. A really kind and unselfishly generous gesture in my book.

    However, I'd be feeling quite cautious about taking a holiday anywhere right now, to be honest. I know we're supposed to be coming out of lockdown but the virus is still around and I don't want to travel.

    I would have to let my two pals know I couldn't afford it any more. All my friends are lovely and I know they wouldn't mind. They would appreciate the fact that I'd wanted to do something so nice for them. I don't have any friends who would be angry about such a situation. If I did, it'd be quite by accident. I couldn't be friends with anyone who would take offence at such a situation. 

    So, tell them. If they hate you as a result then so be it, they weren't worthy of your lovely friendship anyway.

    This is really not a dilemma for me because my friends and I would never be hurt if one of us attempted to be so kind and lovely. Your kindness only backfired because of a pandemic, totally and utterly unavoidable.
  • MalMonroeMalMonroe Forumite
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    The OP lied to their friends - it is all on them.  If the OP now tries to tell their friends it is £800+ they may think you are lying now and you are trying to get them to pay the full cost so the OP can have a freebie.  Not much of a friend if you can't be honest with them - no matter what the reason is. 

    However, in this situation the OP may have to bow their head in shame and admit they lied.
    Crikey, I'm glad I'm not your friend!! 
  • REJPREJP Forumite
    247 Posts
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper
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    No. You should not have lied about the cost.
  • messiahontrialmessiahontrial Forumite
    4 Posts
    Ninth Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    MoneySaving Newbie
    Everything in life is about timing.
    You weren't to know of the impending pandemic when you booked.
    However, it's now 12 months+, so I'm a little surprised that the issue has been raised now.
    Honesty is always the best policy.
    Good friends will remain good friends.
  • toffeenut29toffeenut29 Forumite
    5 Posts
    First Post
    I’ve been in this situation before, although I paid the extra in secret and the friends found out later. Ultimately it backfired on me because assumptions were made regarding my intentions - they felt deceived, like I saw them as charity cases who weren’t as well off as me (not the case at all) and that I was a snob who didn’t want to stay in average accommodations, or that I’d done it to use later as leverage in an argument or whatever which made everyone uncomfortable... ultimately I realised it’s best to be honest. I really like this feature of whatever holiday it is and am happy to chip in extra if you guys aren’t bothered about it. That way no one is left feeling indebted and / or confused. Money is a complicated enough issue without adding in more complications!

    At this stage I’d either look into cancellation policies, get all info and present the options to my friends with a heartfelt apology and assurances that there were no ulterior motives involved, or I’d find the money from somewhere else and pay it as planned and consider it a lesson learnt the hard way. 

    Sorry OP. What is it they say about the road to hell being paved with good intentions?! 🤷‍♀️
  • IncaxIncax Forumite
    1 Post
    First Post
    MoneySaving Newbie
    I’m surprised by the harshness of many of the responses here. The whole world has changed in the last year. Although generous it may not have been the best idea to treat your friends in the first place without telling them what you were doing but hey it was out of kindness and a desire to holiday with them. Sometimes things backfire, especially in a global pandemic! Be honest with them now and tell them the situation, if they are real friends they won’t be really angry at all. If they can help with future payments, happy days. If not get in touch with the holiday company, explain your financial circumstances have changed due to the pandemic and ask if you can cancel. Be aware you may loose some or even all the money you have already paid. But talk to your friends, say sorry and that in hindsight you should have been up front about the cost. But things have changed dramatically since and hopefully you can all deal with this problem together now. They might be a bit surprised and fed up initially but hopefully soon they will understand and be able to discuss the possible solutions and next steps with you. 
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