Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my friends the true cost of our holiday?

MSE_Sarah

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

Before lockdown, I booked a holiday for myself and two friends. It cost £833 per person, but I wanted to treat them, so I said it was £400 each and decided to pay the rest off myself. Now the pandemic has worsened my financial situation, and it's becoming hard to pay the instalments for the trip, so should I tell them how much we're actually paying?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value.

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gettingtheresometime

I would be extremely annoyed if I was your friends ; you chose not to reveal the true cost of the holiday, abet with the best of intentions, & now you presumably expect me to make up the shortfall.

had you told me the true cost I may have decided not to go. By not telling me you took that option away from me.

how you resolve this though is a difficult one.

sheramber

Maybe your friends wouldn't be able to  afford the extra payments.  

alice94hall

No, absolutely not. You decided to make that decision and hide the cost from them. Your situation is now unfortunate but it is not on your friends to make up the shortfall because of your decision. Whilst your intentions were good, it has slightly backfired and I would be a bit annoyed if I was one of the friends, sorry. 

IvanOpinion

The OP lied to their friends - it is all on them.  If the OP now tries to tell their friends it is £800+ they may think you are lying now and you are trying to get them to pay the full cost so the OP can have a freebie.  Not much of a friend if you can't be honest with them - no matter what the reason is. 

However, in this situation the OP may have to bow their head in shame and admit they lied.

Flipflop13

You set off saying you paid the difference because it was a good deed and finish by saying ‘how much we’re paying’, so you’ve already decided that they are going to have to pay? 

I’d be pretty annoyed if it was me, for reasons just like this, booked something that’s beyond everyone’s means because you wanted to be frivolous and they’re going to have to sort it out. If you had the physical cash at the time and paid the full thing off, then great but it reads like you took a risk and want someone else to sort it for you

richardw

If you took out travel insurance at the time of booking, keep your fingers crossed the government put the destination on the red list and you can’t go and the insurance pays out. Otherwise check this week’s MSE e mail, the bank account switching looks good.

achubarian

Can you look into cancelling the holiday if it's all become unaffordable for you?
It may take a bit of explaining but will you really enjoy the holiday if you know how much it is putting you out of pocket?  Is there a risk if you do go that you will feel like they aren't appreciating the gesture you made enough - which now will stretch you possibly too much - but they didn't even know that you were making?  Even the doubt now could make things tricky between you and your friends and they won't have a clue what it's all about.  
 You started it all with the best of intentions but it's backfired a bit.
Honesty is probably the best policy here but if you can retract the holiday offer and look for something else you can all afford... that might be better than the potential relationship (and money) pitfalls.

Wakeupandgo

If I was that friend I would want you to talk and be honest with me about it. I personally wouldn’t be annoyed as you had good intentions to start with. I think this pandemic has effected everyone in some way and it’s not the time to start saying to someone “you dig your grave you lie in it” 

I would have an honest conversation with your friends about it all and come to a solution together. If that were me, I would just want to spend some time with my friends and would look to come to an agreement in order to do that safely. 

achubarian

Wakeupandgo said:

If I was that friend I would want you to talk and be honest with me about it. I personally wouldn’t be annoyed as you had good intentions to start with. I think this pandemic has effected everyone in some way and it’s not the time to start saying to someone “you dig your grave you lie in it” 

I would have an honest conversation with your friends about it all and come to a solution together. If that were me, I would just want to spend some time with my friends and would look to come to an agreement in order to do that safely. 

I agree with the above - particularly about the part about the effects of the pandemic.  I was surprised at the tone of the first few comments.  We definitely need to remember to be kind these days and assume that people generally have good intentions.  

mancfrank

Your friends will feel manipulated.  Something similar has happened to me.  I and my wife were 'invited' and paid for on a cruise, but it cost us more than the cruise to take part. We know the person who invited got additional financial benefits for paying for us and they got the trip they really wanted, and we had a below par experience.  We have since noted this was a pattern of behaviour and we've pulled away from the person who did this to us.