WEDDING CRISIS! Are we wrong for feeling like this?

Kim_kim

I read half of it!  Go to the Carribean, get married on the beach.  

oscarward

My niece had a similar problem. She booked a wedding in the Dominican Republic as his family couldn’t afford to go. Problem solved.

Flugelhorn

Emmia said:

Slinky said:

Emmia said:

Mrsn said:

Flugelhorn said:

olgadapolga said:

pinkshoes said:

1. Yes, you should have sent your mum a mother's day card. She did bring you into this world after all.

I'm going to disagree with this comment. Mothers should be appreciated every day, not just on one day a year. The whole "Mothers' Day" thing has become commercialised rubbish.

Not forgetting of course, that some mothers are uncaring and abusive and actually don't deserve any appreciation.

It was up to the OP whether or not to send a card and in this instance, he chose not to. That was the OP's decision and he should not be made to feel guilty about it because someone else thinks that he should have sent a card.

I agree - reckon some of the most controlling mothers are the ones who would be the most offended if they didn't get a) visit b) card. I have a photo taken on Mother's Day once of my Mother with some family members (I was working elsewhere & got serious earache over this ) - the look on her face could have soured milk. I never mind whether I get a card or not - get appreciated more often 
Also OP might have struggled as I did to find a card that wasn't soppy and full of "love for dear mother etc etc"

^^^^ This.

My mum’s attitude over mothers day over the years has definitely impacted on the way I feel about Mother’s Day. How much you spend = how much you love them in her eyes.

I feel obligated to send a card and truthfully only do so to avoid an argument ,it’s really hard to find one that doesn’t say the words best, amazing, wonderful and the such like. 

My kids are still young and I’d much rather have them tell me they love me etc anytime they wanted too rather than feel pressured on the “set day”. 

You can just use an online place like Etsy, moonpig etc., that will do you a custom card - or just buy a completely blank card and write your own message inside.

I get the impression the poster wants to send a card that their mother doesn't notice is not completely gushy.

I'm not sure what your point is? A custom card can say whatever you want, gushy or not.

Aim was to get one without using up much effort or spending a fortune, preferably bought along with the weekly shop and not ££ online

Emmia

Flugelhorn said:

Emmia said:

Slinky said:

Emmia said:

Mrsn said:

Flugelhorn said:

olgadapolga said:

pinkshoes said:

1. Yes, you should have sent your mum a mother's day card. She did bring you into this world after all.

I'm going to disagree with this comment. Mothers should be appreciated every day, not just on one day a year. The whole "Mothers' Day" thing has become commercialised rubbish.

Not forgetting of course, that some mothers are uncaring and abusive and actually don't deserve any appreciation.

It was up to the OP whether or not to send a card and in this instance, he chose not to. That was the OP's decision and he should not be made to feel guilty about it because someone else thinks that he should have sent a card.

I agree - reckon some of the most controlling mothers are the ones who would be the most offended if they didn't get a) visit b) card. I have a photo taken on Mother's Day once of my Mother with some family members (I was working elsewhere & got serious earache over this ) - the look on her face could have soured milk. I never mind whether I get a card or not - get appreciated more often 
Also OP might have struggled as I did to find a card that wasn't soppy and full of "love for dear mother etc etc"

^^^^ This.

My mum’s attitude over mothers day over the years has definitely impacted on the way I feel about Mother’s Day. How much you spend = how much you love them in her eyes.

I feel obligated to send a card and truthfully only do so to avoid an argument ,it’s really hard to find one that doesn’t say the words best, amazing, wonderful and the such like. 

My kids are still young and I’d much rather have them tell me they love me etc anytime they wanted too rather than feel pressured on the “set day”. 

You can just use an online place like Etsy, moonpig etc., that will do you a custom card - or just buy a completely blank card and write your own message inside.

I get the impression the poster wants to send a card that their mother doesn't notice is not completely gushy.

I'm not sure what your point is? A custom card can say whatever you want, gushy or not.

Aim was to get one without using up much effort or spending a fortune, preferably bought along with the weekly shop and not ££ online

Just buy a pack of blank inside note cards in various (floral?) designs and write your preferred message in - pretty cheap, fairly easily available and you'll get a few in one go which should last several years.

Like these £5 for 10 cards, although they are all in the same design.

https://www.paperchase.com/en_gb/painterly-floral-notecards-pack-of-10.html

MovingForwards

Flugelhorn said:

Emmia said:

Slinky said:

Emmia said:

Mrsn said:

Flugelhorn said:

olgadapolga said:

pinkshoes said:

1. Yes, you should have sent your mum a mother's day card. She did bring you into this world after all.

I'm going to disagree with this comment. Mothers should be appreciated every day, not just on one day a year. The whole "Mothers' Day" thing has become commercialised rubbish.

Not forgetting of course, that some mothers are uncaring and abusive and actually don't deserve any appreciation.

It was up to the OP whether or not to send a card and in this instance, he chose not to. That was the OP's decision and he should not be made to feel guilty about it because someone else thinks that he should have sent a card.

I agree - reckon some of the most controlling mothers are the ones who would be the most offended if they didn't get a) visit b) card. I have a photo taken on Mother's Day once of my Mother with some family members (I was working elsewhere & got serious earache over this ) - the look on her face could have soured milk. I never mind whether I get a card or not - get appreciated more often 
Also OP might have struggled as I did to find a card that wasn't soppy and full of "love for dear mother etc etc"

^^^^ This.

My mum’s attitude over mothers day over the years has definitely impacted on the way I feel about Mother’s Day. How much you spend = how much you love them in her eyes.

I feel obligated to send a card and truthfully only do so to avoid an argument ,it’s really hard to find one that doesn’t say the words best, amazing, wonderful and the such like. 

My kids are still young and I’d much rather have them tell me they love me etc anytime they wanted too rather than feel pressured on the “set day”. 

You can just use an online place like Etsy, moonpig etc., that will do you a custom card - or just buy a completely blank card and write your own message inside.

I get the impression the poster wants to send a card that their mother doesn't notice is not completely gushy.

I'm not sure what your point is? A custom card can say whatever you want, gushy or not.

Aim was to get one without using up much effort or spending a fortune, preferably bought along with the weekly shop and not ££ online

Easy, look what the supermarket has as Tesco sell blank ones.

[Deleted User]

Not sure I'd invite either boyfriend which to my mind keeps it fairer.  I think trying to explain and reason is clearly a waste of your time.  I would tell them you are rethinking it and having to limit it to xx number of people.  Or look at the wedding in stages so your church wedding, the meal, after meal, say 9pm.  Invite them to them to the after meal and you and your bride leave asap after that.  Me, personally, I'd stop trying to get through to them and reorganise smaller and different - much easier on you mentally, emotionally and financially.  If they spoil it with bad behaviour or sulking it won't be the wedding of your dreams anyway.  One thing to remember though is that the actual service is open to any member of the public - it's not closed to anyone so they are entitled to turn up to that part.  

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

This is why me and my husband got married at a registry office with just 2 witnesses. No family members could moan that so and so was invited but they werent as no one was invited!
I realise its not to everyones taste but I just wanted to be married to my husband with minimal fuss and no arguments. I wasn't interested in a big wedding. Just being married to the man I love.

MrsStepford

I think you should ask who YOU want. Be prepared though for meddling relies taking the drunk's side and giving him the venue address so he turns up and makes a scene. At our wedding, we stipulated no babies, but my brother and sister in law turned up with theirs, who bawled the whole way through the ceremony. 

My sister in law eloped for both first and second marriages, so that controlling mother couldn't interfere. Could be much more romantic rather than being stressed out by relies.

hob_nob_bob

pinkshoes said:

1. Yes, you should have sent your mum a mother's day card. She did bring you into this world after all.

Could not disagree more with this statement. Giving birth to someone doesn't entitle you to anything back from them. 

Honestly OP,  I'd invite only those who matter to you and who you WANT there, not who you feel you SHOULD HAVE there. If it were me, I'd cancel the whole thing and just have two witnesses in a small personal ceremony. If I ever get married this would be my first choice anyway as my family sounds almost as dysfunctional as yours, and I just wouldn't want the stress on what should be a special occasion.

username12345678

I'm exhausted after reading the opening post.

One thing i'm pretty sure of...the damage has already been done and I suspect you'll have a much happier day with just a few select friends at a quiet ceremony.