WEDDING CRISIS! Are we wrong for feeling like this?

mason's_mum

What a sorry situation!
It sounds like your mum and your sister have some narcissistic traits, along with an incredible lack of self-awareness. they can't see the problems they are causing, and because there clearly is an issue, then throwing the blame onto others to deflect and making you feel bad.
My friend's mother is very similar - she turned my friend's wedding into her own personal show, and it was very difficult and awkward for the rest of us guests to watch.
Unfortunately they are what they are - and they will continue to try to manipulate you into doing what they want, until you put a stop to it. if you give in this time there will always be a next time. 
Good luck!

swingaloo2

So you want the wedding of your dreams, but-
You dislike both your sisters partners and dont want one of them at the wedding but you have asked both sisters to be bridesmaids.
Your mother is a control freak and at the moment you are at war with her.
Your dad does nothing to help or stick up for you.
Mum and dad hate sisters partner, mum has been rude to your fiance and told her she will never be part of the family.
You are going to cut all ties with them after the wedding and the day has already been spoilt for you.
You are spending the 'Best day of your life' with people you dont want to be with and feel resentful about.
None of this is conducive to a happy wedding day.
Chances are that you will only be able to have a small number of guests anyway so by the time you have counted all the family members who will probably spoil your day there wont be much room left for anyone who's company you do like.
This is hopefully a day you want to remember for the rest of your lives and with all the bickering and resentment that has already occured (which wont magically dissapear on the day) it's going to be remembered for all the wrong reasons.
Cancel it all, the fact that you have spent so long planning the day counts for nothing if you dont enjoy it. Get together with a few of your best friends and have a small fun celebration. Cut all the nastiness out.
There is no doubt that you have an arguementitive family who dont care about others feelings but one thing did stand out from your post. There was an awful lot of 'Why do they do this for my sisters and not for me' and at times you do sound a bit ike a petulant child. For the sake of you and your fiance you need to distance yourselves from the family.

burlingtonfl6

swingaloo2 said:

So you want the wedding of your dreams, but-
You dislike both your sisters partners and dont want one of them at the wedding but you have asked both sisters to be bridesmaids.
Your mother is a control freak and at the moment you are at war with her.
Your dad does nothing to help or stick up for you.
Mum and dad hate sisters partner, mum has been rude to your fiance and told her she will never be part of the family.
You are going to cut all ties with them after the wedding and the day has already been spoilt for you.
You are spending the 'Best day of your life' with people you dont want to be with and feel resentful about.
None of this is conducive to a happy wedding day.
Chances are that you will only be able to have a small number of guests anyway so by the time you have counted all the family members who will probably spoil your day there wont be much room left for anyone who's company you do like.
This is hopefully a day you want to remember for the rest of your lives and with all the bickering and resentment that has already occured (which wont magically dissapear on the day) it's going to be remembered for all the wrong reasons.
Cancel it all, the fact that you have spent so long planning the day counts for nothing if you dont enjoy it. Get together with a few of your best friends and have a small fun celebration. Cut all the nastiness out.
There is no doubt that you have an arguementitive family who dont care about others feelings but one thing did stand out from your post. There was an awful lot of 'Why do they do this for my sisters and not for me' and at times you do sound a bit ike a petulant child. For the sake of you and your fiance you need to distance yourselves from the family.

Hahah, good one

hannahvictoria

Some of these answers are just insane, why on earth should you cancel your wedding because your family are a nightmare? 
If i were you I'd have the wedding you dreamed of and have been planning all this time, even more so now just to rub their faces in it that they missed out on such an amazing day. They'll be the ones with regrets at having missed out, not you guys. 

wannabe_a_saver

hannahvictoria said:

If i were you I'd have the wedding you dreamed of and have been planning all this time, even more so now just to rub their faces in it 

That sounds like a good reason to spend thousands of pounds

Whoknowswhatnow

Thankyou for everyone that has took the time out of their day to comment, I really appreciate the advice. Positive and Negative, as opinion can't be wrong because that is what someone feels. I understand you are all judging the situation on what I have told you and I can hold my hands up and say this is exactly the way i see the story and this is how I feel. I honestly didn't do this in anyway for people to feel sympathy for me. I appreciate people will never know the full story, as its hard to put all of my pain into one post, I gave it a go though... I wanted to hear opinions from people that our neutral to my story. I defiantly see how in someways it could seem as if it was easy to just have my sister partner there, but when anxiety takes over and you start to get in your head... well you get frightened. For me all I want is for my partner to have the best day, I care about her so much and she has lost out on so much due to the pandemic (as many other brides and grooms have.) I know they say words can never hurt you but when you love someone and your support system causes you stress on a big time in your life and they say that your partner will never be welcome in our family and they starts flipping it on the person you want to spend the rest of you life with.. its heartbreaking. Its something we will ride through together as its all part of life, fighting battles and overcoming them. Thankyou again to everyone, i really appreciate it.

pinkshoes

Whoknowswhatnow said:

Thankyou for everyone that has took the time out of their day to comment, I really appreciate the advice. Positive and Negative, as opinion can't be wrong because that is what someone feels. I understand you are all judging the situation on what I have told you and I can hold my hands up and say this is exactly the way i see the story and this is how I feel. I honestly didn't do this in anyway for people to feel sympathy for me. I appreciate people will never know the full story, as its hard to put all of my pain into one post, I gave it a go though... I wanted to hear opinions from people that our neutral to my story. I defiantly see how in someways it could seem as if it was easy to just have my sister partner there, but when anxiety takes over and you start to get in your head... well you get frightened. For me all I want is for my partner to have the best day, I care about her so much and she has lost out on so much due to the pandemic (as many other brides and grooms have.) I know they say words can never hurt you but when you love someone and your support system causes you stress on a big time in your life and they say that your partner will never be welcome in our family and they starts flipping it on the person you want to spend the rest of you life with.. its heartbreaking. Its something we will ride through together as its all part of life, fighting battles and overcoming them. Thankyou again to everyone, i really appreciate it.

Then ditch the bickering family and the two of you have the most amazing day declaring your love for each other. 

Go get married somewhere really random and memorable!! On top of a bungee jump? On a boat? On a mountain? In a helicopter? 

Lots of options if you can blow your entire budget on it! And it would prevent it being memorable in the wrong way e.g. your sister's partner ruins it, or your mum spends all day sulking as your sister refused to come!

Mojisola

Whoknowswhatnow said:

I know they say words can never hurt you

I've always thought that's a daft saying - words can hurt more than physical injuries and can take much longer to heal.

Retireinten

There is a huge amount of focus here on just one day, when what is important OP is what happens AFTER the wedding. A big wedding isn't for everyone and I'm definitely in the camp of not wanting to GET married but wanting to BE married. It really is the BE part that is important, this bit hopefully lasts the rest of your life after all. 

Your big day is already soured by all this, you can't wave a magic wand to fix it or the hard feelings of everyone involved.  So, with that in mind, you have a decision to make... outside of having everyone at the wedding behaving like angels, whats the next best thing that would make you and your fiancee happy on the day? Personally I would choose to go ahead with your plans, invite your mum and dad (but don't expect them to come) , but not sister no 1 and her family and make the best of the day with guests you want to celebrate with and you know won't cause trouble. Work on rebuilding your relationship with your mum afterwards.

But I don't know you... and if you desperately want your mum and niece to be there, it sounds like the only way forward is to swallow your pride, make amends and invite everyone, trouble causes and all... BUT maybe have a few people ready to shut down any trouble on the day.  I think you will be on edge though waiting for something to kick off and this alone will ruin your day. 

katiepoppycat

There was some great advice I once read on the wedding forum - it's not unreasonable to want to do things your way on your wedding day.  It's not unreasonable for a guest to choose not to come if that doesn't work for them.  What IS unreasonable is either party trying to force something on the other.  I hope you can find a way to be happy with whatever decisions you make, and enjoy your wedding!