Declutter Mind and Declutter home

BarbCh

@Siebrie.... hope it goes well for you.
Sounds stupid that they are being difficult over a wall.... which is of no use to them! 
I think it is nastiness.... let's hope they see sense.

KxMx

I applaud anyone for putting themselves first

Women are definitely guilty of this much more than men. In a conversation recently with a friend I said often it's actually women who enable the behaviour (in the instance we were discussing it was men) that they complain about. If they didn't act as enablers maybe the men would realise they need to step up more. 

Also admitting when you can't do something is a sign of strength. I used to try and do everything too, now O know when to say no and when to say a professional is needed. 

BarbCh

Well said KxMx 

villagelife

I have been reading but not contributed yet. 
It can be hard putting yourself first but I am starting to. Often in small ways asking for help. Yesterday at work I asked someone to take something down from a top shelf as it hurts my back to reach for it.  I normally do it and suffer the pain! 

Siebrie

@helensbiggestfan I see that a lot in my parents' church (where I grew up): wives taking care of their sick husbands and postponing their lives until their care is no longer needed, but by that time, the friends have either left or passed away, the old colleagues have drifted away, her health has deteriorated, the job market is difficult to re-access. I have learned this: if in any way possible, do not do all the care by yourself, and keep on living YOUR life, too.

BarbCh

@villagelife... welcome to the thread. I hope that you have found it interesting and inspiring to you..... and thanks for finally stepping in to contribute.
Well done for asking for the help..... I  completely know where you are coming from in NOT asking in the past!   It's a hard thing to do when you are so used to fending for yourself and are independent..... I  was even doing it in hospital when a nurse offered to walk with me to the bathroom in case I fell.... my automatic response was 'I'm ok..... I'll manage....I'll furniture walk! Etc
Her response was 'you're not ok.... that's why you're here! 
So I lowered my pride and accepted the help.

Today I am having 'disability aids'  delivered. I hate the thought of them but recognise they are necessary in the short term.

I have realised that my pride and independence only bother me 
Most of us suffer in silence and unless we say we need help...others can't know how much we need it! 

BarbCh

Siebrie said:

@helensbiggestfan I see that a lot in my parents' church (where I grew up): wives taking care of their sick husbands and postponing their lives until their care is no longer needed, but by that time, the friends have either left or passed away, the old colleagues have drifted away, her health has deteriorated, the job market is difficult to re-access. I have learned this: if in any way possible, do not do all the care by yourself, and keep on living YOUR life, too.

You speak a lot of sense and I  think we all need to think about what you say and take note. 
 Food for thought for today!

balabooberlies

Lots to think about.  Thank you all.

bala

x

helensbiggestfan

Siebrie said:

@helensbiggestfan I see that a lot in my parents' church (where I grew up): wives taking care of their sick husbands and postponing their lives until their care is no longer needed, but by that time, the friends have either left or passed away, the old colleagues have drifted away, her health has deteriorated, the job market is difficult to re-access. I have learned this: if in any way possible, do not do all the care by yourself, and keep on living YOUR life, too.

Thank you so much for your understanding,  this is exactly what happens.  The carer ends up physically, mentally, emotionally broken, finances in tatters, lonely and isolated. The carer has to travel through a long and dark tunnel. Once the inevitable happens and the carer is left alone they then have to rebuild their lives.  It's back to square one, but with few resources left to begin again, utterly exhausted, health ruined and often in debt. 

This was exactly the position I found myself in.  Thankfully I'm on my way now, finances aren't too bad and I'm gradually getting fitter and healthier.  Oddly enough lockdown has been helpful in my journey.  It has enabled me to step back a bit, and as Barb so rightly describes it, clear some of the mental clutter, so that I can finally say goodbye to the widow and just be a Singleton. 

This last year in enforced isolation has given me the time I needed to grieve properly, to say my "final goodbyes" and start planning what I hope will be a better and more rewarding future.  🤞

💐💃🥂. 

BarbCh

@helensbiggestfan sending you lots of hugs...