Possible dispute over jointly inherited house

DepositSaver

Just a quick update. He did speak to a solicitor, but apparently only about the option of him owning the house and me getting the rest, no loans involved (which he had said was unfair). Not surprisingly the solicitor told him it was very fair to him. I spoke to my brother and asked him what he thought about the idea of me loaning him my share of the house in return for having first charge on it - he was fine with that. I then broached the idea of what if there is not that much cash left after expenses, would he think it fair if I was left with hardly any cash now and the prospect of not getting most of my half for possibly years, and how could we make it fairer. Obviously he had no suggestions, so I mentioned selling, him getting more of the money and me having first charge on the new property. Initially he refused to discuss it and said we'll just have to do this through solicitors.

He did eventually listen to my explanation of how it would work, and asked questions, and we agreed to find out how much cash there is and to get an idea from the solicitor of their costs so we can estimate how much cash there will be.  The answer is not much. I'm not sure how I feel about walking away with a small amount of money, and  perhaps potentially not getting the rest for years. 
I would not make the other offers at this stage as your brother apparently can't or won't understand how extraordinarily generous you are being to him. This is making me wonder if I want to make any sort of agreement with him at all, even one where he buys a cheaper property and I loan him a smaller amount. At no point has he shown any understanding or appreciation of how generous the suggestions are to him. He hasn't been in contact since the solicitor confirmed their estimated costs - not sure if he is shocked by how much, and has realised how much/little cash I would get, or if he is waiting for me to contact him with an offer. 

DepositSaver

I think a t this point it would be reasonable to say to the solicitor acting as administrator that you do not wish to buy the house so believe it will need to be sold, and leave them to deal with it.
From what the administrating solicitor said, I don't think I can unilaterally tell them it needs to be sold, my brother and I need to agree what happens to it. I guess because if he doesn't agree it should be sold he could just refuse to move out. 

calleyw

I am sorry that you having to deal with this.  As has been said your brother is just not getting it.  Why should he walk away with nearly everything when that is not what your dad wanted.  Might be time to use that and say dad left it to both of us not just you.  And for me to get my share we need to sell.  Don't want to be too rude but it seems your brother has freeloaded off your dad for years and your dad was enabler.  And now your brother is expecting you to pick up the slack.

The only option maybe court to force the house being sold.  If I have read it correctly your bother has no mental or physically disabilities? Court will mostly likely go 50/50.  So he loses out from your generous offer.

I seriously do feel for you being put in this position. As the saying goes families who would have them?  I will be truthful I do know one part of my parents plan in their will.  But the rest I have no idea and I then have to deal with a brother who I have a feeling will become unreasonable.  Oh joy and not something I am looking forward to so don't try and think about it.

I wish you well and hope you can that this all sorted as you really don't need the stress.  Take care.

Yours

Calley

DepositSaver

calleyw said:

I am sorry that you having to deal with this.  As has been said your brother is just not getting it.  Why should he walk away with nearly everything when that is not what your dad wanted.  Might be time to use that and say dad left it to both of us not just you.  And for me to get my share we need to sell.  Don't want to be too rude but it seems your brother has freeloaded off your dad for years and your dad was enabler.  And now your brother is expecting you to pick up the slack.

The only option maybe court to force the house being sold.  If I have read it correctly your bother has no mental or physically disabilities? Court will mostly likely go 50/50.  So he loses out from your generous offer.

I seriously do feel for you being put in this position. As the saying goes families who would have them?  I will be truthful I do know one part of my parents plan in their will.  But the rest I have no idea and I then have to deal with a brother who I have a feeling will become unreasonable.  Oh joy and not something I am looking forward to so don't try and think about it.

I wish you well and hope you can that this all sorted as you really don't need the stress.  Take care.

Yours

Calley

Thank you. I agree that my brother essentially freeloaded off my dad, and that my dad enabled it. My initial feelings as I went into this were that I would be happy for him to have a larger share than me and was wanting to find ways of doing that. But his attitude, his insistence on "I just want to stay in the house", the fact he doesn't seem to appreciate how unfair to me the things I am suggesting are, him not having made any suggestions himself, are making me feel not so happy with an uneven split. Especially as it feels as if I am being manipulated into it.

I also keep pondering my own financial future and security. My mortgage is not due to be paid off until I am almost retired. My dad's money would pay off a fair amount of it. I have a job now and can may my mortgage each month, but what if if were to get ill or injured and be unable to work? Would I regret having loaned my brother money which could have reduced my mortgage? 

Sea_Shell

You need to secure your own financial future before considering helping others.   Like you say above, you could lose your job or become ill and NEED that money.

I'd be going legal now to force the sale.  No more Mr Nice Guy!!

It doesn't sound like your Brother brings anything positive to your sibling relationship TBH, so if he spits the dummy and cuts you off...

He's had his chances.

mrschaucer

Horrible situation for you, but I'm glad you are starting to realise that you have needs as well as your brother. 
You DON'T unilaterally have to tell the administrating solicitor that "the house needs to be sold".  You DO need to state clearly and calmly to him that your considered wish is to have your 50% of the estate as set down in the will.  How the solicitor achieves that is up to him, and if you cannot agree a way forward with your brother then it is for the solicitor to take steps to sell the house.  It is for the solicitor to deal with your brother and his insistence on staying put.

wannabe_a_saver

DepositSaver said:

I think a t this point it would be reasonable to say to the solicitor acting as administrator that you do not wish to buy the house so believe it will need to be sold, and leave them to deal with it.
From what the administrating solicitor said, I don't think I can unilaterally tell them it needs to be sold, my brother and I need to agree what happens to it. I guess because if he doesn't agree it should be sold he could just refuse to move out. 

Then the solicitor as executor would start court proceedings to evict him in order to fulfil his legal duty to execute the will. The costs of that would come from the estate but at this point that's still a better deal for you. 

Your brother doesn't sound vulnerable, he sounds spoilt and selfish. 

Gavin83

I don’t really know why you keep discussing options with your brother that you clearly don’t want, it just confuses matters. Decide by yourself what outcomes you’d be happy with and then present them to him and let him choose which he wants. If he doesn’t want any of those (and I don’t think you’ve helped this situation at all up to now) then you’ll need to decide if you’re willing to take legal action to force the issue.

DepositSaver

Gavin83 said:

I don’t really know why you keep discussing options with your brother that you clearly don’t want, it just confuses matters. Decide by yourself what outcomes you’d be happy with and then present them to him and let him choose which he wants. If he doesn’t want any of those (and I don’t think you’ve helped this situation at all up to now) then you’ll need to decide if you’re willing to take legal action to force the issue.

With all due respect, I discussed them with him partly because initially I thought I'd be OK with those options, partly because I thought trying to ensure he had somewhere to live was the right /kind thing to do, and partly because I felt backed into it by his behaviour. 

I admit I probably hadn't fully thought it through when I first discussed it with him, but we'd just lost our dad very suddenly and I was faced with a brother complaining that things weren't being sorted fast enough, who was shocked to find it might not be as simple as just we split the cash and co-own the house, who kept telling me he was finding it really stressful and it was making him ill, who kept pressuring me to get things sorted, who kept refusing to discuss anything other than him getting to stay in the house, who was so rude, unpleasant and difficult that the executor renounced. I was probably reacting the same as my dad did and thinking anything for a quiet life. To be honest, I feel emotionally blackmailed, I think he's a bit of a bully, and at times I am scared to to tell him things I know he won't like. 

Having had time to properly think and reflect without being hassled by him, I realise I'm probably not happy with the options I had discussed. I just need to decide what to do from here. 

DepositSaver

mrschaucer said:

Horrible situation for you, but I'm glad you are starting to realise that you have needs as well as your brother. 
You DON'T unilaterally have to tell the administrating solicitor that "the house needs to be sold".  You DO need to state clearly and calmly to him that your considered wish is to have your 50% of the estate as set down in the will.  How the solicitor achieves that is up to him, and if you cannot agree a way forward with your brother then it is for the solicitor to take steps to sell the house.  It is for the solicitor to deal with your brother and his insistence on staying put.

Thank you. The solicitor had told us we need to agree what happens to the house, and that if we can't agree we both need to take independent legal advice. I'd be concerned that if I just say I want 50% of the estate the solicitor would just spilt the cash and put the house into both our names, which I really don't want. Although he did say in his email to us that to fulfil the terms of the will the house would need to be sold and the proceeds split, so I would hope that means his solution would be to sell.