Adopted + Ancestry DNA + upsetting people who don't know about me

Morrigan_2020

People who sign up to these sites do so for genealogy information, they have to be prepared that there might be a few surprises. 

RAS

Morrigan_2020 said:

People who sign up to these sites do so for genealogy information, they have to be prepared that there might be a few surprises. 

There are a lot of surprises to be found just doing good old basic document-based family history research. You don't last long if you can't cope with that.

And sometime DNA actually confirms a working hypothesis, which is good. And sometimes the smoking gun is leaved between two bits of burnt paper.

TBagpuss

OP - just wanted to say good luck.
Also- in the first instance, your results would surely only enable you to be connected to someone who has also chosen to take a DNA test and to upload the information? So while it might not be quite  what they expect, if they learn you are related, I think that if they've gone as far as making their test results available for matching they are doing that knowing that   they could get some unexpected results - it's not like you were  showing up on their doorstep and announcing you are a log lost halfsibling or the like.

It's possible that they may have had suspicions or heard garbled family stories and be half expecting it, or even uploading their information because they think there is or maybe someone like you out there. If your biological father was married when you were conceived, there's a strong possibility that that wasn't the only time he was unfaithful, so even if his (surviving) family didn't know about you / your mum  specifically, they may not be surprised to learn that he had another child. (even if they decide they don't want to get to  know that child) 

Take it a pace you are comfortable with, and be ready for the possibility that you may not find anything, or that if you do, you may not get much further, but don't feel you can't or shouldn't try.

pimento

Do you have a possible name for your biological father?  If you do, I would suggest you create a (private) tree for him and work backwards.  You can then see if you have DNA in common without them finding out if you don't want them to.
You might also be able to find your half siblings this way.  I've done this a few times for different people.

Good luck!

sassyblue

You can also upload your results free to gedmatch.com.  I did my DNA with Living DNA and have better results with longer cM matches on gedmatch, however, as someone says you’re more likely to find that you share a great grandparent rather than anything closer.   A friend found she matched somewhat to an abandoned baby, along with other distant relatives they have narrowed down the search but I don’t think they have definitively found who the mother was, in any case, they are all happy to have 'found' each other.

You have to be prepared for surprises along the way and most people are, it wouldn’t bother me to have a surprise relation turn up, I’m not in any position to judge my parents or relatives their lives are/were their own.

I joined up because a great grandfather wouldn’t speak about his family, yet supposedly came from a wealthy family who disowned him.  Several members of the family have tried tracing his family but his name was common so I thought doing DNA would help, however, we now think he was born out of wedlock and later took his step father's surname so the family name we’ve been searching for may never have been 'ours' anyway.  It’s a minefield but kind of enjoyable like a puzzle to solve.  Good luck.

RAS

Do check the rules round gedmatch as this has recently been sold to a company specialising in forensic DNA tracking. As a result many of those previously using it have been excluded or have removed themselves. One or two of the DNA companies (not Ancestry) allow  similar tracking. 

sassyblue

RAS said:

Do check the rules round gedmatch as this has recently been sold to a company specialising in forensic DNA tracking. As a result many of those previously using it have been excluded or have removed themselves. One or two of the DNA companies (not Ancestry) allow  similar tracking. 

Is that where you can opt in (ot out) to 'police' so they can use your DNA for tracking? If so, as I said you can opt out but it is an American site and I’ve never set foot over there so I’m not to bothered.

RAS

I opted out but I believe that option may not be available long term, with some rule changes in November 2019. Am going to delete because so many people had left or been removed it was not helpful. 

Grumpelstiltskin

I joined up because a great grandfather wouldn’t speak about his family, yet supposedly came from a wealthy family who disowned him.  Several members of the family have tried tracing his family but his name was common so I thought doing DNA would help, however, we now think he was born out of wedlock and later took his step father's surname so the family name we’ve been searching for may never have been 'ours' anyway.  It’s a minefield but kind of enjoyable like a puzzle to solve.  Good luck.

Are you related to me, I had exactly the same scenario, I spent many hours searching until |I discovered as you say born out of wedlock so born with a different surname than the one I had been searching for.

silvercar

Morrigan_2020 said:

People who sign up to these sites do so for genealogy information, they have to be prepared that there might be a few surprises. 

This ^^^. 
Prepare yourself that the most likely outcome is that you will hear nothing of interest.
I periodically get messages from people that are shown up to be a closer relative than they actually are, I now know why that happens and can explain it to them, other than that I've heard nothing of interest. I am now in email contact with a couple of 4th cousins and had my DNA confirmed to be the ancestry I thought it was. That's it.
If you do upload your results to one of the sites that allow you to share, you should get better responses as they people that do this are more likely to be interested in searching, than your average bod who was bought the kit as a present.