Adopted + Ancestry DNA + upsetting people who don't know about me

TripleH

I know half my family are not from the UK so when I did a 23andMe test, I wasn't surprised to find I had recent German ancestry (great grandfather) what was surprising (but not really when I think about it) was that it was on my UK family's side.

Sadly my father never knew and it may have avoided some of the disapproval provided by one set of grandparents.

silvercar

DullGreyGuy said:

silvercar said:
It turned out this 80 year old was the much younger sibling of my paternal great grandmother and his wife was a distant relative on my mother’s side. 

So are you saying they were a third cousin or a second cousin once removed?



The fact that their wife is also a relative may make things more messy 

If I remember correctly (I exchanged emails with the 80 yr old a few times during covid, then he sadly died before we could meet) 23andme identified someone as my second cousin (2C) .

2C's grandfather was my paternal great grandmother's much younger brother.  So that would make 2C my second cousin once removed on that side. 2C's grandfather's wife (ie 2Cs grandmother on the same side) was my maternal grandmother's cousin, so that would make 2C my third cousin on that side. 23andme put 2+2 together and made 2C my second cousin, but really he was  a more distant relative on both sides. 

To make it more interesting 2C lives in America, 2C's grandparents live(d) 4 miles from me.

DullGreyGuy

silvercar said:
To make it more interesting 2C lives in America, 2C's grandparents live(d) 4 miles from me.

Families can certainly be complex!

My father was one of 14 and his parents died whilst the youngest was around 6 and so the eldest daughter adopted her and then went over to Oz. All was happy for many a year but now the youngest is back in the UK in her home town, her mother/sister is 90 and still in Oz but the two won't talk as the elder wants to be called "mum" still but the younger sees her as a sister now.

silvercar

I'm reading Adam Rutherford's 'a brief history of everyone who ever lived' riveting if you are interested in this topic.

One thought that I hadn't considered. 

There are more people alive today than ever before. Yet everyone has 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great- grandparents..... so our family histories overlap like a mesh/ net rather than straight lines. And the chances of us all being related is high.

Shelldean

I can confirm half siblings do indeed show initially as cousins in Ancestry. Due to the amount of DNA shared.
They initially show as cousins but suggest that the relative may be grandmother, granddaughter, something else I can't recall. And then finally half sibling.

Sister did hers ages ago.
And wow has she uncovered a doozy of a skeleton in her tree!
Been very interesting helping her untangle it all.

I've done mine now, hence why I know about the cousins link, between us.
Have to admit it totally and utterly freaked me out when I opened it and it said probably cousins.

Both our trees are complex  (hers more than mine as I simply don't know my paternal side) and when I first read the cousins link my thought was WHAT NOW?? 
Thankfully once calmed and read about it properly,  its just the way half siblings and DNA work

RAS

silvercar said:

DullGreyGuy said:

silvercar said:
It turned out this 80 year old was the much younger sibling of my paternal great grandmother and his wife was a distant relative on my mother’s side. 

So are you saying they were a third cousin or a second cousin once removed?



The fact that their wife is also a relative may make things more messy 

If I remember correctly (I exchanged emails with the 80 yr old a few times during covid, then he sadly died before we could meet) 23andme identified someone as my second cousin (2C) .

2C's grandfather was my paternal great grandmother's much younger brother.  So that would make 2C my second cousin once removed on that side. 2C's grandfather's wife (ie 2Cs grandmother on the same side) was my maternal grandmother's cousin, so that would make 2C my third cousin on that side. 23andme put 2+2 together and made 2C my second cousin, but really he was  a more distant relative on both sides. 

To make it more interesting 2C lives in America, 2C's grandparents live(d) 4 miles from me.

I have someone who Ancestry think is a second-third cousin. The minute I saw his tree, I knew why.

One sister married my great-great grand father A. Her older sister married the brother of my great-great grandmother B.  So we are fourth cousins, twice. I think?