Man-child?

ontheroad1970

Sounds like a combination of lockdown blues and being stuck in a rut.  Lockdown isn't a good thing for getting out of the rut...

KarenB021

Thank you for your replies. OPs Theoritca and Elsian seem to grasp the problem my sister is getting upset about. I would never interfere in this marriage but if my sister needs to talk to me I do listen. He's a grown up man baby, devoting so much of his personal time on himself and doesn't seem to see that my sister is upset. She's a real hands on my sister, she helps with all the manly choices with him, be it painting, wallpapering and last week they both tiled the hall floor. Indeed he may find himself without Netflix Amazon Sky and his motorbike if he doesn't  start listening and supporting her mentally.

[Deleted User]

KarenB021 said:

Thank you for your replies. OPs Theoritca and Elsian seem to grasp the problem my sister is getting upset about. I would never interfere in this marriage but if my sister needs to talk to me I do listen. He's a grown up man baby, devoting so much of his personal time on himself and doesn't seem to see that my sister is upset. She's a real hands on my sister, she helps with all the manly choices with him, be it painting, wallpapering and last week they both tiled the hall floor. Indeed he may find himself without Netflix Amazon Sky and his motorbike if he doesn't  start listening and supporting her mentally.

WTAF?!

gozaimasu

Lover_of_Lycra said:

KarenB021 said:

Thank you for your replies. OPs Theoritca and Elsian seem to grasp the problem my sister is getting upset about. I would never interfere in this marriage but if my sister needs to talk to me I do listen. He's a grown up man baby, devoting so much of his personal time on himself and doesn't seem to see that my sister is upset. She's a real hands on my sister, she helps with all the manly choices with him, be it painting, wallpapering and last week they both tiled the hall floor. Indeed he may find himself without Netflix Amazon Sky and his motorbike if he doesn't  start listening and supporting her mentally.

WTAF?!

Some women still have "manly" attitudes...

MovingForwards

Oh come on, seriously we are about to step into 2021, male / female tasks haven't been a thing for many decades.

I work FT, do the DIY, decorating, financial matters, purchase furniture, accessories and anything else. 
My partner works PT, does the domestic side, shopping and puts the bins out too. Even went up the ladder with a paintbrush to do the ceiling 😯

We spoke about it before moving in together, with each 'change' eg new job, different property and just for the sake of checking. I was raised to be independent and taught how to do things as a kid; DIY and maintenance by my mom, a single parent.

I'm not a feminist activist, burn the bra woman either! 

If the sister isn't happy then she addresses it with her husband, if there's no change then she weighs up if she even wants to be with him. 

helensbiggestfan

“Manly Chores”. 😂🤣

JamoLew

KarenB021 said:

Thank you for your replies. OPs Theoritca and Elsian seem to grasp the problem my sister is getting upset about. I would never interfere in this marriage but if my sister needs to talk to me I do listen. He's a grown up man baby, devoting so much of his personal time on himself and doesn't seem to see that my sister is upset. She's a real hands on my sister, she helps with all the manly choices with him, be it painting, wallpapering and last week they both tiled the hall floor. Indeed he may find himself without Netflix Amazon Sky and his motorbike if he doesn't  start listening and supporting her mentally.

Us men are weird folk - most aren't switched onto feelings etc, we NEED to be told somethings not right.

When we ask "are you alright" or "whats the matter" - tell us -- answering "oh, nothing" won't help, we aren't psychic

Plus using silly girly/feminist terms like the ones highlighted would have a good proportion of men digging their heels in even further

AskAsk

MovingForwards said:

Oh come on, seriously we are about to step into 2021, male / female tasks haven't been a thing for many decades.

I work FT, do the DIY, decorating, financial matters, purchase furniture, accessories and anything else. 
My partner works PT, does the domestic side, shopping and puts the bins out too. Even went up the ladder with a paintbrush to do the ceiling 😯

We spoke about it before moving in together, with each 'change' eg new job, different property and just for the sake of checking. I was raised to be independent and taught how to do things as a kid; DIY and maintenance by my mom, a single parent.

I'm not a feminist activist, burn the bra woman either! 

If the sister isn't happy then she addresses it with her husband, if there's no change then she weighs up if she even wants to be with him. 

in my circle, men and women still seem to be doing the male/female chores around the house.  our friend winges about her husband not taking the bin out on bin night.  i said to my husband why can't she just take the damn bins out herself rather than wait for him to do it?  i take the bins out at home myself as waiting for my husband to do so would mean we would often miss the bin collection.

i am still seeing the stereo typical division of labour between men and women.

Pollycat

KarenB021 said:

Hello everyone. I am struggling how to support my sister. The covid issues/lockdowns etc al are taking their toll on her regarding her husband. Their marriage has always been flat in the last few years  but they truck along doing their own thing and hobbies. My sister is finding it hard to be with him 24/7 as she describes him being akin to a child that needs to be amused - he's 58. The weather plays a factor and he sulks.

 He does support her with all everyday tasks including ironing, cooking etc but he apparently has never participated in taking any strain of helping sort out household finances - he leaves everything to my sister be it whatever needs paying, researching, switching energy, checking bank/credit card statements, you name it - he just will not join in. They are not well off and benefits may be needed down the line, which no doubt she would have to initiate. She gets wound up by his disinterest because he manages perfectly well to financially sort out his car and motorbike tax/insurance, golf holidays, buying parts for his bike and endless other things provided they are personal to him. She feels he has always been far too reliant on the women in his life, be it his mother, girlfriends and now her as they have all looked after him.

She has repeatedly asked him to show an interest but he comes out with the usual "you are better at those things than me" and dismissive. The financial implications of covid are badly affecting my sister  and she feels alone and unsupported. She says he is a selfish git leaving her to worry whilst he sits on his phone watching motorbike trials etc. This makes her cross too as he wanted sky, Netflix, amazon but he doesn't actually watch anything as his phone is always being looked at too.  She is so cross she's thinking of cancelling all the subscriptions to save money as he would react if that happened.  You couldn't describe him as a lazy person nor does he abuse my sister or money. She describes it as he just isn't interested in real life issues, prefering to priorotise and concentrate on his personal life/hobbies. Is she being unreasonable? I think she is affected by creeping depression over the whole situation not just her husband.

I am just stunned to now learn of this and I think by writing this it's venting on her behalf and asking if this is a unique situation?

I'm surprised the OP hasn't mentioned work.

Do they both work?

Have they been working through covid?

On site or from home?

The bits I've highlighted in bold would annoy me - depending on the work and financial situation.

The OP says "HIS car and motorbike".

Does she not use the car? Do they not go out together on the bike?

Did they discuss the benefits of having Sky, Netflix, Amazon against the cost?

Or did he just say he wanted them and she said 'OK'?

It's very difficult to comment when we're hearing the story from a 3rd party who may or may not have put their own spin on what the sister actually said.

[Deleted User]

AskAsk said:

MovingForwards said:

Oh come on, seriously we are about to step into 2021, male / female tasks haven't been a thing for many decades.

I work FT, do the DIY, decorating, financial matters, purchase furniture, accessories and anything else. 
My partner works PT, does the domestic side, shopping and puts the bins out too. Even went up the ladder with a paintbrush to do the ceiling 😯

We spoke about it before moving in together, with each 'change' eg new job, different property and just for the sake of checking. I was raised to be independent and taught how to do things as a kid; DIY and maintenance by my mom, a single parent.

I'm not a feminist activist, burn the bra woman either! 

If the sister isn't happy then she addresses it with her husband, if there's no change then she weighs up if she even wants to be with him. 

in my circle, men and women still seem to be doing the male/female chores around the house.  our friend winges about her husband not taking the bin out on bin night.  i said to my husband why can't she just take the damn bins out herself rather than wait for him to do it?  i take the bins out at home myself as waiting for my husband to do so would mean we would often miss the bin collection.

i am still seeing the stereo typical division of labour between men and women.

You’re big on stereotypes though such as every Scot hating the English