Now or never

Its_time

Thank you @enthusiasticsaver I think it is around 4pm when I usually give in to it.  Before that any 'cheating' is more controllable.  Tiredness is an issue plus I think I also hate cooking, I have really got to be in the mood, I am more likely to just throw some oven chips and southern friend chicken in rather than cook from scratch, although I do like doing a curry, spag bol, lasagne, gammon parsley sauce etc. and don't mind doing a cooked dinner.  Maybe I should do a diary of my cravings and feelings to see what is going on.  So far I know, anxiety = eat.

I mucked out this morning as it was getting light which gave me a dilema, do I put the lights on and use electricity or shall I just do my best with the light I have.  I went for the frugal option left the lights off and the dogs helped me.  I forgot to say yesterday we had a hay and straw delivery so it was really nice to see it stacked in the barn this morning.  

I've been to work for The Sanctuary today which was lovely, I felt cheated for time but I am sure the more time I get the more I can concentrate which will equal better quality work.  I am looking forward to going back tomorrow and starting again, some of it is ok other parts are not.  The fabric I was working with was very stretchy and pluckered even though I did my best to ease it, tomorrow I am going to try a different method to stabilise it but first will do a sample piece.  Time = quality = happy me, rushing gets me nowhere, I take huge pleasure in each part going ok.  DD will be with me tomorrow so we will have lots of chats and giggles no doubt.

Job 1 really is a roller coaster of feelings, one minute I am thinking ooooo good news better hours to come maybe that will be easier to cope with at least until the debt has gone, today they are stopping certain allowances so overall we lose out on pay when we take time off.  We need time off, everyone does, no one works every day.  It certainly seems someone, somewhere is telling me to give up, every little bit of sunshine is followed by a bigger rain cloud.  

DH has had a good week so far and apparently they are rushed until almost the end of the month, by then the bookings will be filling up again for February as they try not to book too far in advance, we are really happy with this as December was naturally quiet in the run up to Christmas, there will be more money to throw at the debt.

I am so looking forward to the morning when the banks update, I will be able to Tilly Tidy.
Spent £12.83 at Tesco today on a few things, Bovril, herbs, lean cornbeef and bananas.
Diet, healthy eating..a bit of a thumbs down today.

Its_time

Busy few days off.  DH and I managed a walk to the beach with Pup mostly it rained though.
A few shopping spends to update but only £1.88 in all, I have a big Tesco shop coming on Wednesday, hoping that will last till the end of the month with some small top ups.  I've decided I might do Tesco some days, Lidl others, today I don't feel like going shopping as I am tired and need a bit of peace.  I need to look after myself.
I've been practising taking it 1 minute at a time today, it's been quite nice, as soon as I start panicking about the future, I try to remind myself 'but what is happening in this minute?, it's here and now, in this minute'.  I've also started to follow the 1 or 2 minute rule, if a job will only take 2 minutes, then do it right now instead of putting it off.  I feel a little bit more content today.  I am also trying to practice kindness, even if it is through gritted teeth.
DH told me today that I have always been his rock, but at the moment he can see that rock is falling apart, so he feels that he needs to put mine and his rocks together so my rock feels better and can take as much of his strength as it needs, such a lovely way of putting it, I love him so much.
My diet is literally not working.  I am just eating anything and everything.  I am trying to follow Slimming World but am failing miserably.  I have decided as it is meant to be a life change in eating, I am going to change one small thing at a time.  My first change is to swop chips for slimming world roasts or cut longer into chips, plenty of seasoning.  This is a change I am happy with, so may be more likely to stick to it.  My 2nd change is I have bought Nevills' bread which the lovely ladies on the Slimming World thread have suggested I have as I can have 2 as my HB.  I also put a large amount of veg on my plate tonight.  Even though I have done 3 things today, the only one I am doing for definite this week, is the chip change.
I need to find some cakes/biscuits that are syn free so I can snack, as eating lots of biscuits is another of my weaknesses.
The Sanctuary went well today.  I didn't muck out until I had been up and started my current job and got past a certain point, my mind needed that to be over and done with.  I am delighted it went so well, I feel content with it now.  Tomorrow I am going back up and will progress some more.  I have a work diary that I have filled in with daily jobs, if I stick to the list I will progress.  I don't think I have made it too demanding and I am off every weekend, so if necessary I can catch up then, I will be flexible and adjust the work load as necessary.  I need to see if The Sanctuary will pay my bills once debt free before we give up Job 1.  
DH and I are going away for a few nights in March, I need to start getting organised or it will be here before I know it.

angela110660

Re the biscuits- I was a Digestiveholic years ago and broke the cup of tea plus  1 or 2 Digestives everytime cycle by drinking fruit teas as you can't dunk!  It totally changed  my routine and I rarely have any biscuits these days to be honest and we only buy a packet if someone is coming to visit.  Give it a try - and get some tasty fruit teas. Good luck.

Its_time

Thanks @angela110660, I will give it a go I like ribena as well, that's definitely a thought 😊, I've tried the green tea but although I sort of got used to it, I can't say I liked it.

joedenise

Hot Ribera with a slice of lemon is lovely @Its_time.  I particularly like the winter spice version.

angela110660

Yes warm no sugar Vimto squash is a fave for me too right now but def not green tea ever for me .

WinterWarrior

Another shout out for hot ribena, hot winter spice ribena, or stores own high juice black currant 😋 I really don’t like fruit teas, they smell delicious, but taste like sink water 🤣

Its_time

I bought Ribena and was immediately transported back to Saturday winter mornings at my Nans, we either had hot Ribena or a milky coffee.  I can't decide whether the Ribena gave me a headache or whether it was the 3 hour teams meeting with no breaks  either way I ended up taking some painkillers to sort it out.
Somehow and I have no idea how, I have lost another lb this morning.  I forced myself to weigh as it is weigh day and was begging for a stay the same whilst fully expecting to have gone back up.  I weighed twice to confirm it as I didn't believe the screen.  Anyway I am really chuffed and it has given me a bit of a boost.  I hate being this weight, I am sluggish and heavy and am in pain because of it.  I have eaten SW meals all week such as bacon, egg and chips and pork loin, potatoes and beans ummmm, salad, ham and boiled potatoes.  I am not sure if that has helped but whatever it is....I will take it! I've also forced myself to eat beans on toast or scrambled egg on toast for my lunch which has helped me go through till 4pm when i've had either a banana or a milky coffee.  
Mucked out each morning and the Jack has now progressed from running along with the Collie whilst he snaps at the !!!!!! in the wheelbarrow to standing in the barrow as I push it, leaning down at the front snapping at him as he snaps at the !!!!!!.  Bedlam. The Collie really is very clear though to run backwards at such speed. Farrier came yesterday and trimmed all 4 horses, feet are fine which is good.  He is a 'barefoot podiatrist' to give him his full title but we call him the farrier!  Our horses haven't worn shoes since they needed remedial work about 8 years ago, other than that they have been barefoot most of their lives.
I gave up the Tesco idea for my shopping and braved going to LIdl, it cost me £13 more but I have a lot more food, freezers and cupboards full now, I bought loads of staples and not perishable items and some chocolate but so far I have been very good and only had 2 jaffa cakes with my evening cuppa.
The Sanctuary is doing well.  So far I am ahead of my diary each day which is good news.  I need it to pay the bills once we give up Job 1, if it will do that with me working such restricted hours then I am on a winner when I can work full time.  Even more so once DD spends more days with me.  Tomorrow is DD's day it really is such a pleasure to see her delight whilst working, she absolutely loves it and looks forward to it all week.  Hopefully we can expand it to pay me a full time wage and her 3 days at least.
Looking forward to this weekend might be able to make the first overpayment to the debt this month.  

Its_time

I am completely frustrated something happened to my signature so my debt figures are missing, I feel like I am going nuts but I didn't do it! Now I don't know what the figures are, maybe I can go back and just take the balances on the 31st of Nov and Dec, what a pain!

Its_time

Debt figures updated again on my signature so I can keep track of them.  I've just taken the balances on the last day of each month and have also added in a percentage of the total amount paid.  That was nice to see.  Hopefully this month will see us drop into the £24,000's, that is the goal anyway.