Noisey neighbours, friendly advice on what to do.

theoretica

One thing which hasn't been mentioned and your neighbours might be up for as a small intervention is making the doors harder to slam.  Depending on the door, this can be as simple as just the right felt pads or foam stuck in just the right bit of the frame.

davidmcn

theoretica said:

One thing which hasn't been mentioned and your neighbours might be up for as a small intervention is making the doors harder to slam.  Depending on the door, this can be as simple as just the right felt pads or foam stuck in just the right bit of the frame.

And/or if the slamming is caused by spring-operated door closers, they can be adjusted (common complaint from neighbours of HMOs, where springs required for fire safety purposes).

MovingForwards

I feel for you. My last rental was a living hell between the screaming banshee next door and the banging / crashing party animals above and below, made worse by lockdown when they were either on furlough or lost their jobs. I was working from home, neighbours carried on only with longer hours. My average sleep was 30 - 90 minutes generally from 5 or 6am, before trying to do a full day again.

My out was knowing I had my purchase going through, which kept me going until everything went on hold for a bit and losing that bit of hope broke me, my body gave up.

The neighbours always denied everything and said it wasn't them.

Can you bring your plans forward and move sooner? Or focus on knowing you've an out.

MaryNB

I do feel for you. I'm a very light sleeper and I rarely sleep without ear plugs. Some people are just louder than others without realising it. I grew up with a brother who would slam everything, had a very loud voice and would go up the stairs two steps at time, hitting the top step so hard it would make things in my room shake. He refused to accept he was doing anything wrong, wouldn't even acknowledge he's a loud person (and generally inconsiderate....). I've had housemates who cook after midnight and slam cupboard doors. Others who blare music at 11pm mid week and act surprised when you ask them to turn it down...

Zoe1345

comeandgo said:

Regarding the amount you would disclose to future buyers regarding noise, surely the fact you have had to try and deaden the noise by using added noise reduction materials to your room should make it obvious there is a problem.

Not necessarily. We decided to soundproof our bedroom wall before even experiencing the extent of the noise. It's a terrace, and a bedroom wall adjoining a neighbour, and we planned on having a baby at some point, which we know can be so disturbing to neighbours, and we wanted to mitigate that as much as possible - and as we were taking plaster off anyway, figured then was the time to do that wall none the less, as we'd also benefit from reduced noise from them. We actually had the soundproofing put in primarily so that WE didn't disturb them - which we now see the mild irony in. 

trex227 said:

You’ve said you were aware of a falling out, do you know if this was about noise? Or what reason did they give? Anyway if this was done through the estate agent rather than the solicitors I would imagine it would be more difficult to get any recourse as it didn’t form part of the legal enquiries

I don't really expect any avenue of recourse from the seller. I realise my 3am ramble may have mislead in that respect. We can but take it as a lesson learned for next time, that we will be "those buyers" who ask for EVERYTHING answered in writing - lets put it down to being first time buyers. We haven't so far discovered what it was about fully either. The neighbour is somewhat caged about it. It may have been their extension at the back, it may have been the fact they leave their bags of grass cutting all over the public footpath in front of our place... who knows. We are trying to dig it out of them! We discovered about the falling out from the neighbour, not the agent. when we asked the agent the neighbour question, they said that they all got along nicely and the neighbours were lovely. The neighbour informed us after we moved in that they erected the 6ft fence between the two properties because of the falling out with the old lady / former occupant. 

pmlindyloo said:

I do think that there is a big difference between neighbours being noisy on the odd occasion and this being their lifestyle.  The latter is so much more difficult to deal with as, in effect, you are asking them to completely change their whole way of living.
Having said that I would like to suggest that the late night noise on a daily basis is just not acceptable.
You say they are a lovely family and you do not wish to fall out with them.
So, what about writing to them in a friendly way saying that you appreciate that they have a different living style to them but the noise after midnight is severely affecting you (give specific examples)
Also add what you have done to try to counter the noise - the sound proofing/ear plugs etc
Terrace houses can be a particular problem - mention this - and also add if any of your noise is affecting them to please let you know. 
Add that you hope that you can solve this amicably (a little veiled threat there) as you like them as neighbours but...................
Sometimes speaking to them face to face does not give you the opportunity to go through the exact problems and explain how they affect you as the neighbour will invariably interrupt before you can finish.  Also, tempers can get frayed.
It will take considerable skill to get the tone of the letter just right so I suggest you don't write it at 3am in the morning!
Good luck!

Thanks. Certainly, the occasional loud night we'd expect, and be happy with. We aren't without friends and do have a social life (pre-covid of course) and are "relatively" young, so we'd of course not fret about this, when we might have a late night at some point too.  But yes, every night, is effecting our health and sleep. We are both professionals and have to be up for work at 6. I recognise this is OUR lifestyle, but when we are up early, we are conscious of the noise we make. 

Most of what you've kindly suggested is the approach I have taken verbally. To now I have tried to avoid too much in writing as you start to become far more "formal complaint" then. I have also asked them if we at all disturb them, to which they always answer, "no, we never hear you" and told them to please not hesitate if we do, any time - they have my mobile number - as yet, nothing. I certainly think I may have to be a bit more formal next time - I'll get myself in work mode, instead of neighbour mode. My husband is far too nice to even attempt a more serious conversation! 

Zoe1345

MovingForwards said:

I feel for you. My last rental was a living hell between the screaming banshee next door and the banging / crashing party animals above and below, made worse by lockdown when they were either on furlough or lost their jobs. I was working from home, neighbours carried on only with longer hours. My average sleep was 30 - 90 minutes generally from 5 or 6am, before trying to do a full day again.

My out was knowing I had my purchase going through, which kept me going until everything went on hold for a bit and losing that bit of hope broke me, my body gave up.

The neighbours always denied everything and said it wasn't them.

Can you bring your plans forward and move sooner? Or focus on knowing you've an out.

Thanks. That sounds horrendous. I think I'm averaging about 90-120 mins. By the time I get to sleep following the noise stopping at 3am, its generally about 4:30 (I'm so over tired by then that it takes a while) and then I'm up at 6 for work. My migraines (which it thought I'd kicked) have returned, I'm dependant on caffeine which has a huge effect on my gut, and in all, my health right now is terrible. I've stopped exercising - not great for said health - as I just haven't the energy. The effect things like this can have on people health is horrendous - and it'll only lead me to be even more considerate in the future I imagine.

That must have been so frustrating for it to all go on hold!

We've only owned the property a year, and there is work to do before we could probably sell it (half done work that went on hold due to finances/covid). We also don't have enough backed up for all the fees that come with buying/selling right now. We wanted to sell in  a year anyway, and relocate (my contract will end then and my husband owns his business so can work wherever) away from a commuter town and somewhere more green, but none of the ducks are quite in a row right now to realistically move the move forward - especially thanks to covid!   

Zoe1345

MaryNB said:

I do feel for you. I'm a very light sleeper and I rarely sleep without ear plugs. Some people are just louder than others without realising it. I grew up with a brother who would slam everything, had a very loud voice and would go up the stairs two steps at time, hitting the top step so hard it would make things in my room shake. He refused to accept he was doing anything wrong, wouldn't even acknowledge he's a loud person (and generally inconsiderate....). I've had housemates who cook after midnight and slam cupboard doors. Others who blare music at 11pm mid week and act surprised when you ask them to turn it down...

Wowser, your brother sounds a delight! Certainly some people are far more noisy, than others. I do wonder if there is any beef between the family members nextdoor themselves over the noise...? When I mentioned the noise to the mum previously, she blamed the kids (although I was actually asking if she would mind not shouting at them up the stairs at midnight) and outright told me "I can't wait for them to be gone" - it didn't feel like a joke either...  And when I spoke to the dad about the noise, his response, before I got to tell him the problem fully, was "was my wife shouting again" - with a resigned look about him. I suspect all isn't rosey. 

Zoe1345

theoretica said:

One thing which hasn't been mentioned and your neighbours might be up for as a small intervention is making the doors harder to slam.  Depending on the door, this can be as simple as just the right felt pads or foam stuck in just the right bit of the frame.

Hadn't thought of that. Might be worth bearing in mind for the next conversation (which I've decided not to have today as I am too sleep deprived and have the potential to get angry).

MovingForwards

The caffeine won't help your head or tummy.
Can you move the bedroom downstairs and lounge upstairs. It's not ideal, but may make a slight difference.

I did end up very ill and had panic attacks going into the flat to do a little cleaning after moving out, I never returned after that one day. 

What I learned from that rental is how I didn't want a layout when looking for my own home, I also got an end building where the bedrooms are detached. Now if I don't sleep it's because my brain hasn't switched off and my health is slowly getting a little better having been in my own home 7 months.

trex227

pmlindyloo said:

I do think that there is a big difference between neighbours being noisy on the odd occasion and this being their lifestyle.  The latter is so much more difficult to deal with as, in effect, you are asking them to completely change their whole way of living.
Having said that I would like to suggest that the late night noise on a daily basis is just not acceptable.
You say they are a lovely family and you do not wish to fall out with them.
So, what about writing to them in a friendly way saying that you appreciate that they have a different living style to them but the noise after midnight is severely affecting you (give specific examples)
Also add what you have done to try to counter the noise - the sound proofing/ear plugs etc
Terrace houses can be a particular problem - mention this - and also add if any of your noise is affecting them to please let you know. 
Add that you hope that you can solve this amicably (a little veiled threat there) as you like them as neighbours but...................
Sometimes speaking to them face to face does not give you the opportunity to go through the exact problems and explain how they affect you as the neighbour will invariably interrupt before you can finish.  Also, tempers can get frayed.
It will take considerable skill to get the tone of the letter just right so I suggest you don't write it at 3am in the morning!
Good luck!

Great advice but if I were in Zoe1345’s position I would be a little hesitant to write a letter and “formalise” the dispute and so have to declare it when selling. The reason being if the letter has no effect I’m not sure even if you go down the route of a complaint with environmental health that they would take any action- although they are noisy (and outside of “normal” hours) it is noise from general living rather than e.g. playing music.

You have my sympathies Zoe1345. Is there no other room you could use to sleep in? Lounge/dining room? Not ideal but if you plan to move in the next year or so might be worth the inconvenience to get good sleep between now and then.