Really confused about what I want :(

danlightbulb

@Bonniepurple    don't know about that, its possibly more likely my mind has been twisted by continuous fairytale imagery and marketing so that now, nothing is good enough. I think bad experiences have also played a factor, as I had no problem buying two houses when I first got together with my ex wife even though they were both wrecks at the time. Maybe I feel that Ive done my time with renovations now and don't want the hassle? Really don't know, probably a mix of loads of factors.

MovingForwards

In your situation what people do is buy a home which has the potential to be what they want it to be.
Live in it for a while and get a feel for how the property works in real life, paying the mortgage each month and saving at the same time. Not everyone is lucky enough to buy a home and have £50k in the bank to do the changes they want.

If there's garish wallpaper, get a tub of trade white, spend a Saturday painting it and instantly it looks a lot better; it works, I've done it over the years. 

Wrong colour woodwork? Sand and paint it if you know it's going to get ripped out at some point. Or do it how you want it to be long term.

Vile bathroom or kitchen tiles? Get tile paint and cover them up. You don't live in this room.

Old kitchen? Sand and paint it while saving up to do a refit. You don't live in this one either.

Then after a few years of saving, target the worst thing that you're sick of looking at and do that room. All while saving up ready to do the next one.

I know what it's like to start over again, I did it. The difference is from the moment I started over I was looking at properties online and I got priced out within a month or two of moving to that area. I moved to another rental, earning a lot more, but got priced out of the city I had made my new life in and started looking at different counties.
For over 3 years my weekends were spent looking at what I could potentially afford when the time came, getting priced out of many places along the way, all the time saving and watching.

You're not a FTB and in theory should know how to spot issues with properties, especially as you did things to your old house. You've spent 10 years paying to live in someone else's house and 18 months being unable to find one of your own. It's frustrating reading every time you post up as it always leads to everyone repeating their comments.

Have a proper read of all your threads, all the comments, then work out what means the most to you.

danlightbulb

MovingForwards said:

In your situation what people do is buy a home which has the potential to be what they want it to be.
Live in it for a while and get a feel for how the property works in real life, paying the mortgage each month and saving at the same time. Not everyone is lucky enough to buy a home and have £50k in the bank to do the changes they want.

If there's garish wallpaper, get a tub of trade white, spend a Saturday painting it and instantly it looks a lot better; it works, I've done it over the years. 

Wrong colour woodwork? Sand and paint it if you know it's going to get ripped out at some point. Or do it how you want it to be long term.

Vile bathroom or kitchen tiles? Get tile paint and cover them up. You don't live in this room.

Old kitchen? Sand and paint it while saving up to do a refit. You don't live in this one either.

Then after a few years of saving, target the worst thing that you're sick of looking at and do that room. All while saving up ready to do the next one.

I know what it's like to start over again, I did it. The difference is from the moment I started over I was looking at properties online and I got priced out within a month or two of moving to that area. I moved to another rental, earning a lot more, but got priced out of the city I had made my new life in and started looking at different counties.
For over 3 years my weekends were spent looking at what I could potentially afford when the time came, getting priced out of many places along the way, all the time saving and watching.

You're not a FTB and in theory should know how to spot issues with properties, especially as you did things to your old house. You've spent 10 years paying to live in someone else's house and 18 months being unable to find one of your own. It's frustrating reading every time you post up as it always leads to everyone repeating their comments.

Have a proper read of all your threads, all the comments, then work out what means the most to you.

Thanks. Youre right about all of that. As long as its livable and the important things work like the plumbing, heating, and as long as the roof isn't going to collapse, then I can do all the rest over time. I know that, I shouldn't need to be fearful of it.

What's most important to me? I want a decent sized traditional looking house. That's what I really want deep down.

But I don't know if I can get it and settling for something less is incredibly difficult to make myself do. And I feel silly/guilty/selfish/embarrassed for wanting it when i don't need it and any old box would do.

[Deleted User]

danlightbulb said:

MovingForwards said:

In your situation what people do is buy a home which has the potential to be what they want it to be.
Live in it for a while and get a feel for how the property works in real life, paying the mortgage each month and saving at the same time. Not everyone is lucky enough to buy a home and have £50k in the bank to do the changes they want.

If there's garish wallpaper, get a tub of trade white, spend a Saturday painting it and instantly it looks a lot better; it works, I've done it over the years. 

Wrong colour woodwork? Sand and paint it if you know it's going to get ripped out at some point. Or do it how you want it to be long term.

Vile bathroom or kitchen tiles? Get tile paint and cover them up. You don't live in this room.

Old kitchen? Sand and paint it while saving up to do a refit. You don't live in this one either.

Then after a few years of saving, target the worst thing that you're sick of looking at and do that room. All while saving up ready to do the next one.

I know what it's like to start over again, I did it. The difference is from the moment I started over I was looking at properties online and I got priced out within a month or two of moving to that area. I moved to another rental, earning a lot more, but got priced out of the city I had made my new life in and started looking at different counties.
For over 3 years my weekends were spent looking at what I could potentially afford when the time came, getting priced out of many places along the way, all the time saving and watching.

You're not a FTB and in theory should know how to spot issues with properties, especially as you did things to your old house. You've spent 10 years paying to live in someone else's house and 18 months being unable to find one of your own. It's frustrating reading every time you post up as it always leads to everyone repeating their comments.

Have a proper read of all your threads, all the comments, then work out what means the most to you.

Thanks. Youre right about all of that. As long as its livable and the important things work like the plumbing, heating, and as long as the roof isn't going to collapse, then I can do all the rest over time. I know that, I shouldn't need to be fearful of it.

What's most important to me? I want a decent sized traditional looking house. That's what I really want deep down.

But I don't know if I can get it and settling for something less is incredibly difficult to make myself do. And I feel silly/guilty/selfish/embarrassed for wanting it when i don't need it and any old box would do.

You cannot afford what you want in the area you want. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend? 

danlightbulb

Lover_of_Lycra said:

danlightbulb said:

MovingForwards said:

In your situation what people do is buy a home which has the potential to be what they want it to be.
Live in it for a while and get a feel for how the property works in real life, paying the mortgage each month and saving at the same time. Not everyone is lucky enough to buy a home and have £50k in the bank to do the changes they want.

If there's garish wallpaper, get a tub of trade white, spend a Saturday painting it and instantly it looks a lot better; it works, I've done it over the years. 

Wrong colour woodwork? Sand and paint it if you know it's going to get ripped out at some point. Or do it how you want it to be long term.

Vile bathroom or kitchen tiles? Get tile paint and cover them up. You don't live in this room.

Old kitchen? Sand and paint it while saving up to do a refit. You don't live in this one either.

Then after a few years of saving, target the worst thing that you're sick of looking at and do that room. All while saving up ready to do the next one.

I know what it's like to start over again, I did it. The difference is from the moment I started over I was looking at properties online and I got priced out within a month or two of moving to that area. I moved to another rental, earning a lot more, but got priced out of the city I had made my new life in and started looking at different counties.
For over 3 years my weekends were spent looking at what I could potentially afford when the time came, getting priced out of many places along the way, all the time saving and watching.

You're not a FTB and in theory should know how to spot issues with properties, especially as you did things to your old house. You've spent 10 years paying to live in someone else's house and 18 months being unable to find one of your own. It's frustrating reading every time you post up as it always leads to everyone repeating their comments.

Have a proper read of all your threads, all the comments, then work out what means the most to you.

Thanks. Youre right about all of that. As long as its livable and the important things work like the plumbing, heating, and as long as the roof isn't going to collapse, then I can do all the rest over time. I know that, I shouldn't need to be fearful of it.

What's most important to me? I want a decent sized traditional looking house. That's what I really want deep down.

But I don't know if I can get it and settling for something less is incredibly difficult to make myself do. And I feel silly/guilty/selfish/embarrassed for wanting it when i don't need it and any old box would do.

You cannot afford what you want in the area you want. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend? 

I do comprehend it, but that doesn't make me not want it. I was answering MovingForward's question about what means the most to me. I can't help it if I feel like I want a house that's got some meaning to it.

Im a very nostaligic person, like history, antiques, old fashioned things. I guess I want the same in a house.

MysteryMe

I think it best for all concerned OP, for you to gracefully accept all the advice and assistance you have received on this thread and the others and let it die a natural death. It is normal to seek advice on internet forums from strangers but this is crossing the line of normal. Like the other threads It's going around in circles and with no sign of progress or resolution.
Unfortunately the blockers continually being put forward are starting to lack credulity. You say you socialise weekly with people and those friendships are critical to where you choose to live yet at the same time say you cannot ask them for advice. This does not make sense, house buying is an every day activity. Do none of these people have experience of buying property?  Why would they find you talking about your experience of house hunting objectionable?  I would recommend you do reach out to those people as they will be far better placed to understand your needs and the local area. Alternatively, you could consider using the services of professional house hunters.  
Good luck in your house hunting and I hope you find somewhere you can call home.

danlightbulb

MysteryMe said:

You say you socialise weekly with people and those friendships are critical to where you choose to live yet at the same time say you cannot ask them for advice. This does not make sense, house buying is an every day activity. Do none of these people have experience of buying property?  Why would they find you talking about your experience of house hunting objectionable?  I would recommend you do reach out to those people as they will be far better placed to understand your needs and the local area. Alternatively, you could consider using the services of professional house hunters.  

To answer your question in bold, no they don't have much. My one friend has lived in his house for around 20 years now, someone else got their house via a two salary mortgage, and my other friend rents like me, having also been divorced a few years back. Me saying we don't talk about it completely is wrong actually, its just that they don't have much advice to offer and its not something that we have deep conversations about. 

At work, the vast majority of people have owned their nice houses for a long time and no-one is really in the same position as me. There are some younger people buying recently, two salaries again, young babies etc. They are just starting their lives and getting all that FTB excitement so I don't have much in common to talk about with them either, regarding houses. The excitement for them is starting that family journey, well Im past that now aren't I. 

Loads of people at work particularly have been able to take advantage of the huge house price gains they've had over the past 30 years to trade up. Someone I know went through a big break up recently and was immediately able to sell his shared house, take the big equity they had and get two other houses with it. Other people I know have split up from one partner and immediately found another. Some people tend to go through partners like I go through socks.

danlightbulb

What do you think about this one:
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/84183691#/
It has a drive, garage, living areas on the opposite side from the party wall, end of a cul-de-sac, seems in reasonable condition, well within budget.

I don't know what ambition I could have to improve it though?

MovingForwards

And now we are starting to get somewhere!

There's absolutely nothing wrong in wanting an old house and liking traditional things.
Somehow you need to work that into what you are looking at, but with your eyes wide open and know the home will need money spending on it, over time. It will be a labour of love, but it will be your home.

In the 6 months I've been here I've put a few coats of paint on the walls of 1 bedroom, 1 cupboard, 1 section of skirting board and removed the carpet in the lounge and had part of a kitchen unit removed so I could put my fridge in that space. Total cost so far is about £6's worth of trade white paint and £2 on sandpaper.  I'm hoping by the end of this year I will have finished the temporary makeover of the lounge, meanwhile my savings are going up each month.

What you need to do is find the style(s) of house(s) you like and compare that to your budget. Then when you've found the exterior(s) you like within £10k of your budget, then you can start working out which of those have the interior layout; remember walls can get added, some can get removed in time.
If the property has a good size front garden, see if the neighbours have converted theirs to a drive with a dropped kerb.

You need to start picking everything off, comparing to your budget and seeing how they align.

hazyjo

Seems to me like your too worried about getting it wrong. I'll also be personal here, did your ex mainly make the important decisions? Did she pick out what houses you viewed together and pretty much chose which to buy?

Or perhaps there's "the one that got away" which you can't move on from.

I could pick holes in every single property I've owned. Absolutely none have been perfect, but I've loved them despite their faults. Not just their imperfections, but things I had to compromise on.

I'm mega fussy, so feel your pain, but you go in looking for negatives. You need to keep your blinkers on and view with an open mind.