My family keep asking me for money. Am I wrong for saying no?

bouicca21

What Mojisola said.  Both my parents were very careful with money because their own parents were feckless.

Pollycat

bouicca21 said:

What Mojisola said.  Both my parents were very careful with money because their own parents were feckless.

Both me and my OH (both eldest child) have always been very careful with money because our respective parents didn't have a lot of money when we were growing up.

Younger siblings - who had the benefit of more money as our parents' finances improved over the years - had/have less respect for money which has meant they are in a less secure financial position than we are.

strawb_shortcake

Pollycat said:

bouicca21 said:

What Mojisola said.  Both my parents were very careful with money because their own parents were feckless.

Both me and my OH (both eldest child) have always been very careful with money because our respective parents didn't have a lot of money when we were growing up.

Younger siblings - who had the benefit of more money as our parents' finances improved over the years - had/have less respect for money which has meant they are in a less secure financial position than we are.

My siblings and I are the complete opposite, I'm the youngest by a good margin so my parents had far more money when I was growing up. I always had foreign holidays other treats but I am the most sensible with money. 
When my siblings were young my parents had to watch the pennies far more. 
But how we were with our pocket money is generally how we are today, 
Eldest - spent all his pocket money day 1 today can barely rub 2 pennies together. 
Middle - would make their pocket money last the week but never saved. Pretty much lives hand to mouth.
Me - saved most my pocket money until I saw something I wanted. Today I save a good chunk of my monthly income every month without fail.

couriervanman

Mojisola said:

couriervanman said:

As everybody else has said.....NO.....unfortunately his kids will grow up with the same reckless attitude to money and will be heavily in debt most of their lives

Sometimes it works the other way and the children become very careful with money because they don't want to continue the financial stress of their childhood through the rest of their lives.

Why would they.....spoilt rotten by parents all they have to do is stamp feet and throw a tantrum and hey presto a new games console appears  

diggingdude

I'm another to say don't lend. I wouldn't make up any elaborate stories for why, they get hard to remember. Just say no you have your own needs for that money 

Dubby_40

I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation OP.

I know how hard it is to say 'No', particularly when family are involved. It sounds as though they use you as a financial back stop, rather than having their own plan B. Don't feel bad about saying No, it's okay to do so, particularly as you have your own family and self to take care of!

mydreamality

downshifted said:

Never lend to family. Give if you want and can afford, but never expect to get it back.

I think lending and borrowing can be done in exceptional circumstances but if you have precedent that they won't pay you back or will be frivolous then don't lend but gift them the money IF and only if you choose to. You are responsible for yourself and your nuclear family. 

calleyw

You need to use the broken record technique.  Just keep saying no.  And diggingdude is right don't explain why.  You don't have to explain to anyone why you don't want to do something.

Yours

Calley x

skint_chick

I've always found the line 'I'm sorry to hear you're broke, because I was just about to ask if you had £50 I could borrow for a couple of weeks' to be the most effective way of putting people off. Then it seems as though you don't have it to lend rather than are choosing not to lend. It's your money, and if you want to spend it on a Nandos that's your treat for working hard and being responsible enough with money to have funds left over for a Nandos. If your brother's children really are starving offer a couple of cans of beans and a loaf of bread, and send him the link for a referral to the local foodbank and CAP/CAB for budgeting help.

pollypenny

skint chick's idea is a good one. Moreover, your family already know your current financial situation, so you could say that you were hoping that they would repay what you've lent them previously.