My family keep asking me for money. Am I wrong for saying no?

Pollycat

I wonder what the OP thinks of the replies he's had (he last logged on an hour ago).

MovingForwards

Pollycat said:

I wonder what the OP thinks of the replies he's had (he last logged on an hour ago).

Appears to be having a problem with the timekeeping of others.

HampshireH

warwick2001 said:

Jonathan_Powell said:

For example, he bought his son a PlayStation 4 Pro (the more powerful version)….. and at the same time I'll be getting messages from my mum asking to spare him money because the children have nothing to eat.

Is this for real??? Given the current debate on free children meals, I find it incredible that there are people out there that actually do this!!! Absolutely horrendous parenting, if you can call it that.....

DO NOT loan money to this man. He will waste it on rubbish. But, its your money, do as you wish.

It's these people who infuriate me when they chip in on things like free school meal debates and expect their child to get them. That child would be in need due to neglect and social services should be contacted. 

OP however is enabling his families behaviour by letting it happen repeatedly 

I would very much say sell the PS4. There you go food for several weeks.

maman

HampshireH said:

It's these people who infuriate me when they chip in on things like free school meal debates and expect their child to get them. That child would be in need due to neglect and social services should be contacted. 

Not quite sure what you're railing against here. Free school meals aren't available to all who are short of money, they're linked to specific qualifying benefits (unless the children are in infant school age range where everyone gets them). OP's brother seems to have money, he just spends it on strange priorities. 

I agree that he could sell some of his previous purchases. If OP genuinely believes that the family will not have food until the next pay cheque then he could make up a food parcel but I'd try to avoid that if at all possible. A line needs to be drawn and the current time (where OP is trying to reset his own finances as a result of Covid) seems an opportune moment. 

HampshireH

maman said:

HampshireH said:

It's these people who infuriate me when they chip in on things like free school meal debates and expect their child to get them. That child would be in need due to neglect and social services should be contacted. 

Not quite sure what you're railing against here. Free school meals aren't available to all who are short of money, they're linked to specific qualifying benefits (unless the children are in infant school age range where everyone gets them). OP's brother seems to have money, he just spends it on strange priorities. 

I agree that he could sell some of his previous purchases. If OP genuinely believes that the family will not have food until the next pay cheque then he could make up a food parcel but I'd try to avoid that if at all possible. A line needs to be drawn and the current time (where OP is trying to reset his own finances as a result of Covid) seems an opportune moment. 

I quoted the post which referenced free school meals.

I think it's disgusting a person puts material things ahead of food on the table for their children.

Jonathan_Powell

Just keep in mind that I'm asking if it's wrong to say no, as that's my stance. The only time I gave my brother money I needed paying back was probably 10 years ago now. Long story short, I went in my overdraft because he did not pay it back and he then tried to make up some nonsense as an excuse not to pay me. We are on good terms now but there's a constant tension there like we both are thinking of that incident every time we meet. 

With my mother my thinking is along the lines of; should I be so harsh, not give her money when at the same time I'll happily spend the same amount of money she's asking for on Nandos or a night out with friends? That is where I feel most torn. The reason it's not an automatic yes from me when she ask for money is because I know she should be swimming in it if she sorted her life out. 

maman

Thanks for getting back. It seems that both your mother and brother have funds but choose to spend it (unwisely?) and then ask you to pick up the pieces. If that's the case then it's up to you and your immediate family whether you spend your own money on Nandos or anything else. You being sensible with your money isn't an invitation to your mother and brother to take advantage.
That's my opinion, but would you clarify if it's correct that they both have enough to live on but choose to 'waste' money. 

Mojisola

Jonathan_Powell said:

Just keep in mind that I'm asking if it's wrong to say no, as that's my stance.

No, it isn't wrong. 

How many years have they had to sort out their spending and start putting savings away?

They haven't bothered to do this - and there's plenty of help out there if they want to change their lives - so why should you be expected to keep bailing them out?

Think of it like the old saying "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; show him how to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime".

Offer to show them how to budget (or give them details of www.stepchange.org and www.nationaldebtline.org) - if they don't want that, that's their choice.

DCFC79

I haven't read all the replies but why is your brothers kids your responsibility ?
Dont give your brother nor mum nh mum unless your willing to write it off, give them your time, help them to reduce debts but nothing more.

moneyonmymindsam

I'm sorry to hear that your family keep putting you in this position. Don't feel guilty because you have made better choices with your finances. No is the right stance in this situation, by helping you are in fact just enabling them to make the same poor choices again. Unfortunately sometimes people have to reach rock bottom before they change their ways.
I'm gutted for you that you have this dilemma. Stay strong and change your mantra to "by not giving you are helping them help themselves" 
Sam.