My family keep asking me for money. Am I wrong for saying no?

KxMx

All I would do is send food for the children. 

Pollycat

KxMx said:

All I would do is send food for the children. 

Shouldn't feeding the children be the number one priority for the the OP's brother - instead of buying useless gifts for them?

If the OP keeps bailing both his brother and mother out, they'll never learn and the kids will always have 'nothing to eat'.

cymruchris

My sister has 'borrowed' a five figure sum from my parents - and they kept coming back for more - until I managed to get them to see sense that she was just using them for money. It wasn't like it was used for an essential purchase - it was for a brand new luxury 4x4 and a brand new custom built transit van. The money hasn't been repaid - and communications have been severed (by them) since the money supply was turned off. By saying 'No' you do risk a period of 'no talking' - but that may be what you need for the message to get through that you're not a source of free income. 

Mojisola

KxMx said:

All I would do is send food for the children. 

I would offer to take him to the local food bank where he can get some food for immediate needs and help with budgeting and other stuff from advisors. 

Give him information about the boards on here that help people with their spending.

Starting to provide food for the children could turn into a longtime commitment and the brother not making any changes to his spending habits.

JGB1955

By bailing your family out you are just allowing them to get into more debt.  The buck has to stop somewhere and it's NOW!

maman

You have a particularly good reason for saying no at the moment but you don't need one. Both your mother and brother have shown that they're unreliable when it comes to money. This isn't the first time they've asked and it won't be the last.  It might even help them if they realise that one source of income has dried up. Just keep saying no....and mean it. 

Heartless though it may seem, I wouldn't give your brother food. He can sell some of his useless possessions, if need be, or get a referral to a food bank. He needs this harsh treatment if he's ever going to change his ways. 

Sea_Shell

I can see where you're coming from, I'd feel the same.    I can actually see it happening in my family, although they're not there yet.

But it would be very hard to watch innocent children suffer from the behaviour of their parents and grandparents and refuse to help.

I'd be very conflicted at that point.

Daveydawg

Been there with my brother and his wife. Sat him down and tried to show him how to budget for stuff. We'd get so far and then the latest something would take his eye and we'd be back to square one. In the end I paid for the kid's mobile phone bill, paid for a school trip as a birthday present and bought bags of food and took them round, saying I knew they were in a fix and I'd put it on my credit card. Pay me back when you can kind of thing. I did this a few times and once they realised that I wasn't giving them cash, the requests slowed down and eventually stopped. And funnily enough, the kids never did starve

warwick2001

Jonathan_Powell said:

For example, he bought his son a PlayStation 4 Pro (the more powerful version)….. and at the same time I'll be getting messages from my mum asking to spare him money because the children have nothing to eat.

Is this for real??? Given the current debate on free children meals, I find it incredible that there are people out there that actually do this!!! Absolutely horrendous parenting, if you can call it that.....

DO NOT loan money to this man. He will waste it on rubbish. But, its your money, do as you wish.

RAS

I was going to suggest something similar to daveydawg

Get a very basic food parcel together, 3packs cheap pasta, couple of pasta sauces, 4 pack tuna, packet of rice, tinned chilli and couple of tins of kidney beans and a jar of budget mayo. Less than a tenner in L or A. 

If he bleats, add 2 loaves budget wholemeal bread, pack marg and a Lidl pack of cooking bacon.

Explain that your finances have taken a hammering and if he needs more to ask mum. Meanwhile this'll give them a couple of meals a day.