My family keep asking me for money. Am I wrong for saying no?

Pollycat

Jonathan_Powell said:

Just keep in mind that I'm asking if it's wrong to say no, as that's my stance. The only time I gave my brother money I needed paying back was probably 10 years ago now. Long story short, I went in my overdraft because he did not pay it back and he then tried to make up some nonsense as an excuse not to pay me. We are on good terms now but there's a constant tension there like we both are thinking of that incident every time we meet. 

With my mother my thinking is along the lines of; should I be so harsh, not give her money when at the same time I'll happily spend the same amount of money she's asking for on Nandos or a night out with friends? That is where I feel most torn. The reason it's not an automatic yes from me when she ask for money is because I know she should be swimming in it if she sorted her life out. 

It doesn't matter whether random strangers on t'interweb think it's wrong or not wrong.

It what you think that matters.

It's what you want to do that matters.

It's what you do that matters.

You can't expect random strangers on t'interweb to act as your conscience.

Your money.

Your choice.

Pollycat

HampshireH said:

I think it's disgusting a person puts material things ahead of food on the table for their children.

and then expects a sibling to bail them out...

strawb_shortcake

HampshireH said:

maman said:

HampshireH said:

It's these people who infuriate me when they chip in on things like free school meal debates and expect their child to get them. That child would be in need due to neglect and social services should be contacted. 

Not quite sure what you're railing against here. Free school meals aren't available to all who are short of money, they're linked to specific qualifying benefits (unless the children are in infant school age range where everyone gets them). OP's brother seems to have money, he just spends it on strange priorities. 

I agree that he could sell some of his previous purchases. If OP genuinely believes that the family will not have food until the next pay cheque then he could make up a food parcel but I'd try to avoid that if at all possible. A line needs to be drawn and the current time (where OP is trying to reset his own finances as a result of Covid) seems an opportune moment. 

I quoted the post which referenced free school meals.

I think it's disgusting a person puts material things ahead of food on the table for their children.

Unfortunately its quite common with parents and their priorities.  
A woman I went to school with is always complaining about not getting enough money from the government to support her 6 children. She was asking on FB for help as she would struggle to feed her children over half term, then posted that she was at the pub two weeks running.
They do live in quite a poor state, but she gave up a council house as she couldn't afford it and spend every weekend in the pub, she moved back in with her parents with her 4 children, met someone else had 2 more children. 

Sea_Shell

Pollycat said:

Jonathan_Powell said:

Just keep in mind that I'm asking if it's wrong to say no, as that's my stance. The only time I gave my brother money I needed paying back was probably 10 years ago now. Long story short, I went in my overdraft because he did not pay it back and he then tried to make up some nonsense as an excuse not to pay me. We are on good terms now but there's a constant tension there like we both are thinking of that incident every time we meet. 

With my mother my thinking is along the lines of; should I be so harsh, not give her money when at the same time I'll happily spend the same amount of money she's asking for on Nandos or a night out with friends? That is where I feel most torn. The reason it's not an automatic yes from me when she ask for money is because I know she should be swimming in it if she sorted her life out. 

It doesn't matter whether random strangers on t'interweb think it's wrong or not wrong.

It what you think that matters.

It's what you want to do that matters.

It's what you do that matters.

You can't expect random strangers on t'interweb to act as your conscience.

Your money.

Your choice.

That's as maybe, but it's still something one might want to run by Joe Bloggs, just to gauge public opinion as to whether you're an ogre or not!!!


Judging by the replies so far, no you're not!!

Pollycat

Sea_Shell said:

That's as maybe, but it's still something one might want to run by Joe Bloggs, just to gauge public opinion as to whether you're an ogre or not!!!


Judging by the replies so far, no you're not!!

I guess that must be the difference between me and a lot of people who post on MSE then.

I know what feels right to me and don't really need strangers to confirm that.

Or to put their two-pennorth in to say they think I'm an ogre.

The OP has said he doesn't want to lend money.

pogofish

Jonathan_Powell said:

Just keep in mind that I'm asking if it's wrong to say no, as that's my stance

Absolutely not!

You have your own family problems and priorities to contend with first and they need to respect that

clive0510

they had there chances in life,same as we all do. the fact that it went wrong is only only there own fault. if the can't look after there own money, they certainly wont look after yours.

couriervanman

As everybody else has said.....NO.....unfortunately his kids will grow up with the same reckless attitude to money and will be heavily in debt most of their lives

couriervanman

Your brother sounds like he's one of those people if earning massive wage would still live beyond his means
If it was me id be straight to the point......BOG OFF....sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind

Mojisola

couriervanman said:

As everybody else has said.....NO.....unfortunately his kids will grow up with the same reckless attitude to money and will be heavily in debt most of their lives

Sometimes it works the other way and the children become very careful with money because they don't want to continue the financial stress of their childhood through the rest of their lives.