My family keep asking me for money. Am I wrong for saying no?

Jonathan_Powell

By family I mean my mother and elder brother. A bit of context: My brother is in his 40's and throughout his life has borrowed money from various people and a lot of the time not paid it back. In addition to this he's very reckless with money and has let simple parking tickets go from a double digit fine into the hundreds on numerous occasions. He's doesn't own his house or car yet has £40,000 worth of debts and nothing to show for it. He waste money on gifts for  his children that don't make sense. For example, he bought his son a PlayStation 4 Pro (the more powerful version), despite not having a 4K TV to take advantage of it and the offer from myself to buy my spare PlayStation 4 for £100 - and at the same time I'll be getting messages from my mum asking to spare him money because the children have nothing to eat.

On the other side you have my mother. Years ago she quit her job and decided to go abroad for almost a year. You would think she had a plan in regards to bills and such but no. She literally left, returned a year later and had not paid her council tax and mortgage. The only reason the bank didn't foreclose on the property was because numerous court hearings dragged out the process until she borrowed the £20,000 from a friend to pay it off. Yes, all she owed was £20,000 and would have paid that off if she simply delayed her trip for a couple years. There's still drama around her housing situation, which I won't get into, and she's constantly struggling with money despite working. I've tried to help her numerous of times (sorting out the house should leave her in a very lucrative position) but she literally puts no effort in helping herself despite constantly complaining about her situation. I've also spent at least £7,500 on lawyer fees, council tax and other cost on the promise that it will help her sell the house and I'll get my money back only for lies and half truths to come into play which meant all the money spent was for naught.

Right now I've started working again and my wife has returned to work from maternity leave. 8 months out of work devastated my savings however. This week both my brother and my mother have asked to borrow money for two weeks, around £200 between them. I can afford to do so but simply don't want to out of principal. Is that the wrong attitude to have? Especially if it was certain that they'll pay the money back? 

unforeseen

Definitely don't give them anything.
You obviously realise that anything you give them will never be repaid and they will see you as a soft touch and keep coming back if you do it once. 

caeler

I’m sorry to hear your family are putting you in that situation. I don’t see how you can if you can’t. But I totally agree with the principal of it too. Depending on what their needs are (ie. to buy food) to ease your conscience as this obviously weighs on you, perhaps offer a meal instead just so they aren’t caught short? 

74jax

Jonathan_Powell said:

Right now I've started working again and my wife has returned to work from maternity leave. 8 months out of work devastated my savings however. This week both my brother and my mother have asked to borrow money for two weeks, around £200 between them. I can afford to do so but simply don't want to out of principal. Is that the wrong attitude to have? Especially if it was certain that they'll pay the money back? 

Even cutting out the background, with the information above I'd say no. 
You have your own family and worries that go with that. 
Big fat no from me. 

Pollycat

Your money, your choice.

But it is was me, I'd say a definite "no and don't ask again".

bouicca21

Tell them all your money is going on paying the debts you contracted whilst unemployed. Rub it in by asking them for a loan.  Make an occasional food parcel for the children and/or invite them for tea.  

downshifted

Never lend to family. Give if you want and can afford, but never expect to get it back.

Enterprise_1701C

Agree with the above.  I never lend to friends or family unless I can afford to give them the money, if it is repaid it is a bonus.

To be honest it sounds very like they expect you to bail them out every time, maybe they need to learn to stand on their own two feet.  It will be painful but I think you should leave them to it and let them discover what happens if they do not deal with financial matters.

Slinky

Start asking to borrow money off them.

MovingForwards

Write off what is owed, as you won't see that again.
Say no, mean no and stick to no.

While you keep handing money over there's no incentive for either of them to deal with their own financial situations.

AskAsk

family is diffcult to deal with if they borrow money and you don't lend them, then there is a risk that there will be a fall out.  you could pretend you don't have any money to lend them, or lend them a very small amount, a lot less than what they have asked for, just to keep the peace.  you need to drive home to them that you don't have any money to lend.