son has my savings

[Deleted User]

back in 2916 I put 16000 in my sons bank account for him to keep for me so I didn’t use it as I wanted it for my retirement then we had a argument over my grandson in November 2019 and in March I asked my son in a text message to transfer my savings as due to the locked down coming I needed to use some of it and he messaged me back saying what money I haven’t got your money I said the 16000 I have for later in my life he denied having it then I said do your not giving it back to me 
then a few weeks after that he said it’s not my money it’s rent money that I saved for him over 5 years where he didn’t even pay that amount in rent over that time and I’m a single parent and a carer to my daughter who has special needs so why would I do this and why would I give all my savings to one of my kids and not the other 2 since then I’ve had a solicitor letter from him saying I’m lying about it’s my saving so I e gone to CBA and the lady was so lovely she helped me with a letter to his solicitor as I have mental health issues I was in hospital last year which my son knows this this is killing me how he can do this to his own mother and to the point I have so many debts I need to pay I’m sitting here with a smashed phone screen my glasses are broken with only one arm in them while my so called son sits with all my life saving doing his house up with his new girlfriend I’m heartbroken 

greatcrested

I really don't understand why you gave him your money " so I didn’t use it as I wanted it for my retirement".

Surely a pension scheme would have een better for all sorts of reasons? Or a fixed term investment or savings scheme?

When you gave him the money, what did the deed you drew up between the two of you say?

Did the paperwork say this was a loan? A gift? Or what?

Well, OK, clearly there was no paperwork, and no clear agreement and the entire arrangement was based on trust, and the trust has now broken down.

I'm afraid it is going to be very difficult, if not impossible, to prove that the money is yours. That is if, indeed, the money still exists at all.

All you can hope I suspect is that you can mend the relationship and perhaps pursuade him to return some, if not all or it.

masonic

I can't understand why you would give your son this money, which coincidentally happens to be a sum which would disqualify you from claiming means-tested benefits, but I'm sure you wouldn't have been trying to do something so dodgy and there must be another good reason for not putting it in a savings account in your name. The consequences of this error may impact your ability to claim means-tested benefits now and in the future (as it could be seen as deprivation of assets) - benefits you may need as a result of having given this money to your son.

Unfortunately, without any evidence that this was not a gift, or witnesses to an agreement between you and your son, there is little you can do. Even with evidence, taking legal action may not be wise if the money has been spent. Sadly you may have to chalk this one up to experience, though I appreciate it is a double blow, with what you have now learned about the character of your son as well as the financial consequences. It must be agonising to think he's learned to behave in such a dishonest manner.

barnstar2077

Give the lady a break.  Regardless of how she arrived at this situation, she has stated that she has mental health issues and is clearly very distraught by what has happened.   I am saddened to read the replies above.

I take that back, not saddened, disgusted. 

csgohan4

prime reason why money and family shouldn't mix. You can try and sue your son to get that money back via MCOL but be prepared for a long journey

tacpot12

While I would I agree that earlier responses were not particularly empathetic, however, the advice from Masonic (in the second paragraph) is the best advice that the OP could be given under the circumstances.

Certainly the OP can try to recover her money from her son, but it will be very difficult without evidence that the money was transferred and that it was not a gift. A starting point would be to find the evidence that the OP deposited the money into her son's bank account. Depending on how this was done, she may have a bank statement or a deposit slip that proves that a payment of £16,000 was made. With this evidence it opens up the question as to why it was paid. It might have been intended to be a gift, or a loan, or put on deposit for safe keeping - if the OP has a mental health issue such as bipolar disorder, where manic episodes can lead to excessive spending, she may well have wanted to put the money out of her reach.  

The son may say that he thought it was a loan, but even if his Mum gifted him the money, and she then changed her mind and asked for it back, I think morally he should repay the money, or at least help his mother clear her debts. If a misunderstanding is at the root of his refusal to return the money, it would be best to see to what extent he is prepared to help his mother out. This issue may look very different from his perspective, as he may have evidence that he never received a payment of £16,000 in 2019 from anyone.

masonic

barnstar2077 said:

Give the lady a break.  Regardless of how she arrived at this situation, she has stated that she has mental health issues and is clearly very distraught by what has happened.   I am saddened to read the replies above.

I take that back, not saddened, disgusted. 

Sadly, we can't change reality in order to give the lady a break. I am sympathetic to her plight, as I said, I'm sure she wasn't trying to do something dodgy, but whatever her intentions it could cause problems for her in the future, and when planning the next steps to take this needs to be taken into consideration. There is also little prospect of her forcing her son to repay the money if he is unwilling to do so voluntarily.

As much as anyone wants to reassure the OP she will get her money back, and the only person potentially facing adverse consequences over this arrangement is the son, it would be wrong to do so.

John464

If the DWP decide it was a gift to enable the OP to claim means tested benefits, the DWP work on the assumption she still has it.  They call it Deprivation of Capital
So her benefits stop, and what she has been paid becomes repayable to the public purse.
If it was an attempt to hide it and recover it later, it becomes more serious
Deprivation of capital becomes Fraud.
 (and she should ask herself who her son inherited his dishonesty from)

London7766551

What's with all the condemnation of the OP's decision? It is fairly common for parents to trust their children.

In the past I have been given chunks of money (more than the OP gave) to look after. My parents trust me with their accounts. Sure I have the "power" to take all of the money and do a runner, but this is my parents money and why would I do such a thing? although I am sure it does occur. Most people have a good trusting relationship with their parents. 

Personally if I had children i'd like to think I could give them money to look after as an adult. It is fairly common as I say and if the relationship is good and normal it should be acceptable. In addition my late grandmother gave my mother rights to her account and total control of her life savings, in the event she became incapable of looking after herself, and 10 years later it happened. As I say this happens all the time, the OP was not wrong to do it assuming the relationship was very good prior to now.

To the OP, I would try to talk to your son again and apologise to his child. He is worked up but hopefully will see sense. 

masonic

London7766551 said:

What's with all the condemnation of the OP's decision? It is fairly common for parents to trust their children.

There are a number of reasons, beyond the possibility a child cannot be trusted to give the money back on request, that should at least give one pause before handing over money 'for safe keeping'

- the recipient might become incapacitated or die, and be unable to return the money. Should they die it could be tied up in their estate

- the recipient might be sued or get into financial difficulties and their assets frozen and/or used to pay their debts

- the recipient may fall victim to a scam or fraud and lose the money

- if the recipient is married, the spouse could in some circumstances assert a claim on the assets

- possession of the money could prejudice the recipient's ability to receive financial support should their personal circumstances change

This is probably not a comprehensive list.

Sorcerer2018

Unfortunately when it comes to money you almost always see the bad side of people, having been an executer for a number of estates over the years, I have seen how family treat each other when it comes to money, it's so sad to see.