Reel around the fountain

there_is_a_light_2

Hello AntoMac, that made me smile thanks. The first time I heard his lyrics  I was about 16 and was getting a lift somewhere with my brother and his mates. They had the first Smiths album pumping out the stereo and I was hooked.  He is a lyrical genius and you’re right his morbid lyrics can be strangely comforting. ‘Last night I dreamt somebody loved me’ got me through some tough times when my eldest’s dad dumped me whilst I was pregnant. 

Thanks for the motivation, I’m off to eat now. Still breathing too so I’m smashing the To Do list today.

there_is_a_light_2

Busy couple of days, loads to do at work, workmen in the house and lots of painful conversations. We’re both off for a week now, I’ll be busy sorting the kids rooms. Youngest may be home sooner than planned so I need to crack on with this. Stuff to do at the allotment as well but nothing that can’t wait. 

OH wants to give it another go. I’m not sure.  Will see how this week goes. He still hasn’t phoned the doctor or looked for work but is being a bit more open and less grumpy for now.

Burst pipe replaced with not too much damage to the kitchen. Left with a couple of gaping holes which will join the list of annoying things to get fixed. Insurance excess was £500 so no point claiming, probably so high because we had a similar burst less than 2 years ago. Contemplating SuperSavingD’s idea so easier access to pipes next time. Another new annoying thing to get fixed is the water mains stoptap under the sink. This is now dripping slowly, probably because it’s been turned on and off by various plumbers all week. Have asked plumber no2 to come back as he needs to pick up a tool he left behind anyway.  In the meantime I need to remember to empty the bowl catching the drips from time to time.
Haven’t looked at the budget based on  single income yet, probably because I know it’s not going to be pretty. This month I haven’t paid off as much as I wanted too, lost track of spends a little but at least I won’t need to use the OD.  Need to decide what to do with bonus so it doesn’t get frittered away.

Trying to motivate myself to crack on with the bedrooms, not sure where to start but I guess opening the doors and surveying the scene will be a step in the right direction.
No more moping so I’m going to get dressed, have another cup of tea, then venture into the jungles, armed with bin bags, storage boxes and playlist. His nibs will be home from work soon so putting my positive head on.

AntoMac

I make no claims to be a relationship expert but I would suggest not just complying with your OH if he changes his mind about staying together on a whim. Surely he at least needs to seek proper help if he’s serious about giving it another go. I’m clumsily trying to say that you also have the right to decide whether YOU want to stay together, as much as he does.
I know where you’re coming from re the kids’ rooms.  I have a 17 y/o and her room is a shocking mess, but I have to remember I was 17 once and a tidy room didn’t matter to me one jot at that time.  On the plus side she plays lots of Smiths music - Not looking to hijack your diary with Smiths references by the way, but I love hearing this little voice singing “Take me out toniiight.....”coming from her room.
Have a good weekend and good luck with everything.

WinterWarrior

hi there, I’ve just read your diary. It’s lovely to meet you.
i know advice from strangers can be odd, but your OH has given up his job...if he ‘decides’ to give it another go then you’ll be supporting him financially for as long as it takes, possibly forever. How do you feel about that? Has that swayed his decision, has he realised going it alone without your financial support will be too hard? Do you want to be supporting someone who huffs and puffs and resents you living in your own home? Perhaps you could sit down alone and work out the pros and cons, financial and otherwise. Would selling up and being financially responsible just for yourself be a relief or not?
lots to think about, but do what’s best for you...lots of luck. 

there_is_a_light_2

AntoMac, your daughter has good taste, she’s been brought up well 😄 and I appreciate your advice.
Hi Suzanne54321B nice to meet you too. You’ve hit the nail on the head in terms of what I suspected his real motivations were in ‘giving it another go’ and his attitude this week confirms that. I’ve made my mind up but haven’t told him yet.
Week off started with ....another burst pipe drama. Same place. More plumber visits and the upshot is I need a new boiler and some piping.  I’ve been avoiding doing this for years but now have no option. Ouch to the budget though. It’s been put through as an emergency as we’ve have no heating or hot water for the best part of 2 weeks.  Step 1 was supposed to be a quick electrical check before they start the installation. This quick check has shown that we have a bigger problem as there seems to be no earth at the supply. No idea what that means but a quick google tells me it’s not good.  Now waiting for electric board to come and hopefully sort out without having to dig up the road.  

In the meantime Project Bedroom Clearance goes well. Bedroom 1 cleared, scrubbed and painted. Today’s plan is to finish the glossing, put the curtains up and start to move youngest’s stuff in there ready for when she’s home from uni.  Then I can turn youngest’s old room into my office. Thinking to paint it first while it’s empty before I move the desk in there.  Now getting the urge to carry on painting the whole house so watch this space. Realistically I’ve only got 3 days leave left so painting the whole house might be a tad ambitious 😄

Money wise - still avoiding doing the budget which will be even less pretty with the boiler payments taken into consideration. Haven’t used the overdraft though which is good and the upcoming bonus will give me a bit of breathing space.
Slightly concerned that over the past 2 weeks of lockdown restrictions, I’ve lost count of how many tradesmen have been trundling through the house. Always wear masks but still concerning.
I’m off to paint, blast out some music  and keeping fingers crossed electric board visit is as smooth as can be.  Quick cup of tea first I think 

[Deleted User]

Hi @there_is_a_light_2
Just come across your diary and wanted to say that I hope everything works out okay for you - I wouldn't want to be giving unsolicited relationship advice but if I am reading it right, I think that you have made a good decision - however tough things get financially, you will manage - the strength you have already displayed is evidence of that ...

Hope everything worked out okay with the electric board today! 😊

there_is_a_light_2

Hi smushesma - thank you for your vote of confidence - as an old friend used to say 'everything will be alright in the end and, if it's not alright, then it's not the end'. 

Another busy but productive week at home and at work so this is the first chance I've had to catch-up. I've (almost) finished youngest's new bedroom ready for her grand arrival home (hopefully) next weekend.  All I need to do now is make the bed and put furniture and bits and pieces in place.  When I say make the bed, I mean with a screwdriver as it is currently flatpacked so that's my first job this weekend.  I can't wait to have her home for a few weeks.  I plan to pick her up next Sunday depending what guidance the uni give - think they need to have a (negative) covid test and then they'll have a short window to travel home in.  

I'm happily settled into the new office (youngest's old bedroom) and with nearly a full tin of paint and lots of motivation left, just pondering where to tackle next.  Possibly the living room as this is now looking like something is missing since I moved the desk and work stuff upstairs.   At least we have room for the Christmas Tree now which I'm sure youngest will do as soon as she gets home.  Have also managed to get some of the annoying things around the house fixed - who'd have thought that a domestic crisis would lead to such positive outcomes!

Mr Cheerful from the electric board managed to sort out the earth problem without too much disruption to us or the neighbours and said we'd had a very lucky escape.   When things look bad, I always believe there is a reason for everything.  So, following this logic - if we hadn't had 3 burst pipes and an exploding boiler, I would never have got round to replacing the boiler, which means we wouldn't have cause to have an electrical safety check and so wouldn't have known we were living in a dangerous (electric wise) house.  As I sit here with (still) no heating or hot water that does give me some comfort.  Installation date for new boiler is mid-December so only another couple of weeks to go.  I was kind of expecting it to be sooner than that but hey ho.   On the positive side, this led me to getting the dishwasher fixed - boiling kettles to wash pots was peeing me off so I splashed out to get it fixed.  I can't remember how many years it had been broken for, but far too long.  That was definitely one of the annoying things that needed fixing so happy about that.  I've also gained an extra hour a day from not washing pots so even better!

Moneywise - got paid yesterday (with nice bonus, thank you very much) and glad to report that the OD wasn't touched last month so happy about that.  I need to work out what to do with the extra money - pay down extra on CCs or put aside for future bills/emergency fund, maybe a mixture of both. 

No change with OH.  He never went to the doctor nor has he looked for a job and he is up to his old tricks so more promises broken.  I now see him for what he is - a lying, cheating, ignorant, self-centred, lazy g*t.   I can't be bothered with his shenanigans any more so am just getting on, keeping busy, keeping positive.  He thinks he's getting away with stuff but in reality I really don't care anymore.  On the face of it, we are pleasant to each other but I know that it's all bullsh*t and I'm just biding my time until the time is right.   He won't be staying here if he can't contribute financially that's for sure, I'd rather get a paying lodger or 2nd job.  Sorry if that comes across as harsh, but it's time for me to look out for No.1 and any sympathy I previously had for him when I thought he was depressed has gone.  I'm no doctor, but he's not depressed, he just went into sulk overload when he got caught out.

Pleased to report that I am eating well, sleeping well and feeling good generally.  I've started to go for a walk before work in the mornings.  Only niggles are that my chest hasn't been feeling great and my joints are more achy that usual.  I realise that not leaving the house much and having no heating isn't helping with this so have started to go for a good walk in the morning to get the airways and joints moving. 

Football match to watch on TV later - that always provokes a flurry of messages between me and the kids so look forward to that.  Youngest's birthday next week, the first one she's not been home for so that'll be strange.  Missing eldest a lot recently too, we are very similar in nature.  He moved into a flat with a friend closer to work during lockdown and that seems to be going well for him, his lovely GF has since moved into the flat too so I'm glad about that.

Off for another cuppa, bit of breakfast then on with the day.

AntoMac

Hello there @Thereisalight2 - I know my cousin is feeling the same nervous excitement as you, as she’s hoping to pick her son up from Nottingham Uni in the next week or so, subject to tests etc. I’m sure you’ll be thrilled to have your daughter back.

You’re not being harsh on your OH in my opinion. Sounds to me like you’re not wanting to be taken for a mug any more. Well done you.
You’re coping a lot better than I would with lack of heating and hot water. One of the joys of home ownership is there always seems to be another job needs doing or another unexpected expense. Like you, I’m happy to be staying out of overdraft and paying down debt bit by bit.
Have a good week

[Deleted User]

Wow @there_is_a_light_2 - you've been busy!! Hope all went well with the uni pick up and glad to hear that you got the leccy stuff sorted 😊 

there_is_a_light_2

Time to get back and focus.  Feel like everything is in limbo at the moment and I keep using that as an excuse to just plod along and take each day as it comes.    As we agreed, me and OH carried on putting on a show that all was OK over Christmas, mainly for the sake of youngest who was home from uni.  We were going to have 'the big discussion' when she went back early Jan and I'd suggested he went to see his family at that point (overseas) for a while to give us both some space to think.  I wasn't expecting him to come back.
Lockdown 2 put paid to all that so here we still are.  Youngest still home, OH now out of work, and we  still haven't had "the big discussion".  OH is being 'friendly' on the face of it but still obvious signs that he's up to his usual tricks.  I've no idea what planet he is on anymore and I doubt he has a plan.  I'm now getting worried that he thinks things will slip back to normal, I'll forgive and forget and he carries on with his cushy life.  I'm worried that I'll get sucked into that for all the reasons I have done in the past.
So, I need a plan.  I don't have one at the moment but I do have lots of rambling thoughts that I need a home for so they stop flying around in my head.  I'm hoping these rambling thoughts will turn into a plan.
By the time we have 'the discussion' I want to be clear in my head what my plan is, or at least what options are open to me.  Youngest hoping to go back on 14th Feb so I have until then.  Maybe I'll present him with my plan when I get back - could turn out to be the Valentine's Day Massacre!!
Rambling thoughts are:  can I keep the house; can I just kick him out; can I / how do I get him off the mortgage; can I afford it on my own; can I buy him out; could I remortgage; can I draw down some of my pension pot to pay him off; do I want to stay in the house; how do I untangle myself financially from a 20-year relationship.
Alongside this, I need to keep on top of my debt repayments; keep hold of my bonus/savings; keep the budget tight.  Payday this week, the first month of a single income - he should get some from his last job but it won't cover his overdraft so that should be interesting.
Back later to update my signature (debt gone up slightly which I am really annoyed with myself about) and budget for Feb.