Reel around the fountain

Sarahwithlove

I agree don't be too open as he may be happy to settle with a lesser figure. I know my parents did especially as my mum had always paid more towards the mortgage etc. Also if it's ending on a good note I know of people who haven't wanted to see other half homeless and could afford their own place so let them have a larger sum and just took what the partner could get a mortgage for. So think you need to get valuation and look at your mortgage prospects and then go to ex with the figures and see what you can negotiate. 

Chrystal

Personally I'd be seeking a Solicitors advice.  Check if you can get a 'free' consultation and take it from there.
You're talking about your financial security for the rest of your life, so it's worth taking the time and effort to make sure you're covered in the ways you need to be. X

AntoMac

I think @Chrystal offers some good advice there. Speak to a Solicitor. Most of them do indeed offer a free initial 30 minute consultation.
My sister is going through a divorce at the moment, which  I know is different to your situation. Having seen how it’s going though, I suggest try to avoid it getting nasty if you can. As the saying goes, hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting it to hurt the object of your hate.
Not clear from your posts whether you’ve kicked off conversations with him.  Unless you have that conversation you’ll be wondering Where do his intentions lay, or does he even have any? Hope you know I’m not trying to be flippant with the lyrical references.
Good luck with it. It does sound like you’re certainly getting your thoughts together.  There will be an other side to this but of course it’s tough right now.

mark55man

Nice one Antomac - I was struggling for one earlier then it came to me you may be trying too hard if you will listen to me 

I decree today that life Is simply taking and not giving ... But you cannot cling to those old dreams anymore

"

AntoMac

mark55man said:

Nice one Antomac - I was struggling for one earlier then it came to me you may be trying too hard if you will listen to me 

I decree today that life Is simply taking and not giving ... But you cannot cling to those old dreams anymore

"

Spot on Mark55man...
I swear the man himself has a line for everything.

there_is_a_light_2

I think that ....In my life, why do I smile at people who I’d much rather kick in the eye ... is quite apt at the minute. 

Thanks all for the comments, I’m keeping my practical head on and will do lots of research and take time to consider all options. Will definitely speak to a solicitor at some point down the line and will be contacting Pensionwise, all good advice thanks.

mark55man

It's just so great, but for me the following was more true
"Oh, why do I give valuable time To people who don't care if I live or die?" 

there_is_a_light_2

Quick visit to update my signature.   Kept myself busy at the weekend and am heading into February a lot more positive than I was in January.  Took Friday off work and spent time at the allotment which always makes me feel better.  Saturday I helped OH with his job seeking, small steps.

Yesterday, I took a big step towards clearing my debts.  CC1 has been bugging me for some time now so yesterday, using the MSE eligibility checker, I was accepted for a BT card, 0% for 16 months.  Will transfer the balance of CC1 onto the the new CC when it arrives.  Am happier now that all the debt will be on 0% or BNPL.  Spent time looking at the budget and debt snowball calculators and I am now aiming for a debt free date of Aug 22 - this is based on monthly repayments of £300 and assuming my salary alone to cover all the household expenses.  

February will be all about keeping a tight eye on spending, staying out of the OD, keeping the savings intact and starting a bit of longer term planning - mortgage and pensions. I've registered for online access for my pensions, started to trace an old one and am just waiting for the annual mortgage statement as I've been basing my remortgage sums (if I do that) on last year's statement. 

OH is now aware of what my plan is, which is to help him get a job and somewhere to go and to try to buy him out of the mortgage.  I'm not sure what his intentions are (or indeed if he he even has any!) he is such a closed book it's hard to tell.  He had the predicted meltdown, saying he's messed everything up and how sorry he is, blah, blah, blah.  Just told him to get a grip and start making plans for his future and to stop treating me like the enemy when I'm trying to help him.  At least things are out in the open now and we did need to clear the air.

So, I'm ready for everything that February has got to throw at me.  Planted lots of seeds at the weekend too and will enjoy watching them (hopefully) growing on the windowsill as I work.  Garden needs a big tidy up and will be the next thing to keep me busy but a job that I'll enjoy too.

Sarahwithlove

That's great that you've managed to do a balance transfer that should definitely help. Did he seem OK about you buying him out? Im guessing if he has no job and your living off just your wage that he's not in position to do that himself anyway. Sounds like a clean break is what's needed for you both so let's hope he gets something soon. 

AntoMac

Well done for having the conversation and getting things moving. You got the reaction you expected which means you were ready for it. (So the reaction of “I’m so sorry”... heard that lyric before somewhere!)Well done also on the 0% deal too. At that previous rate you would have been paying over 100 quid a month in interest alone. That extra hundred a month can go straight off the debt from now on.