Reel around the fountain

there_is_a_light_2

Thanks all for the comments, I’ll have a good read in the morning during my early quiet time 😄

Just wanted to clarify that we aren’t married but we have a joint mortgage.  I was already a homeowner when we met but we got a joint mortgage when we moved here, using the proceeds of the sale of my first house as the deposit.

I’ve always earned more, all the bills apart from joint mortgage in my name and he’s always cost more than he contributes!

mark55man

I think they are called pension sharing orders

there_is_a_light_2

Morning and thanks again for the comments, I really appreciate all the advice. Still lots of reading and thinking to do but I’m leaning towards seeing if I can remortgage and raise enough to pay off OH.  Really don’t want to touch the pensions but will still look into this.

Have had a rethink about Feb budget. I normally pay over the minimum amount on the CCs and this is what I’ve budgeted for.  I’m going to recalculate based on minimum payments only and put the rest into my emergency fund this month.  That way if things get tight towards the end of the month, I can still get to this money and avoid using the CC.  Am resigned to the fact that my target of being debt free by June this year isn’t realistic given everything else going on.

Good news is, I still haven’t gone into the overdraft so still have that as a buffer if needed.

Couple of big meetings this morning then I’ll tot up the debt totals at lunchtime and put it out there.

I’ve heard back from the old pension co., I just need to confirm the address where  I lived at the time.  Cant for the life of me remember the house number so have messaged an old house/mate from 25 years ago to see if she remembers!

Struggling to work out what a fair sum to offer OH.   I guess he’s entitled to half the equity but this feels wrong to me given I paid the deposit and paid the bulk of the bills and everything else since then.  At least we never got round to marrying (he asked twice and I dithered so he withdrew the offer both times!!) so my pension shouldn’t come into it.

Feeling a bit deflated as I’m not sure I’ll be able to buy him out.  Hadn’t realised house prices had gone up so much.

Off for a walk to clear my head before work x

vixx_123

Are you joint tenants or tenants in common?
Also factor in costs of any mortgage early repayment fees, solicitor fees and mortgage fees.
My friend used an online estimate (maybe Zoopla) which was probably lower than if she went to market. (She then panicked when the mortgage valuation came round as she was very close to top of what she could afford and thought bank would say was worth more). Estate agents like to overinflate prices (makes sense business-wise) and prices are a little overinflated at the minute due to stamp duty. 

mark55man

you need better advice I think on the whole process.  I always see advice that says if you are not married you're not entitled to a great deal, and usually as a man (sorry for that) that impacts on the woman getting done out of stuff.  I'm not sure why you are starting from a position that you have to do anything.  if you are not married I agree the pensions are just not an issue (particularly if yours are better) and shouldn't be mentioned.  

Normally arrangements for additional money in repaying different contributions to the deposit etc needs to be agreed at the time.  especially if things are amicable that might be tricky - however I refer you to my first sentence.  Maybe a separate thread on this specific topic in the relationships forum might be better - you are only getting a small %age of people who cold help in the diary section.  

there_is_a_light_2

vixx_123 said:

Are you joint tenants or tenants in common?
Also factor in costs of any mortgage early repayment fees, solicitor fees and mortgage fees.
My friend used an online estimate (maybe Zoopla) which was probably lower than if she went to market. (She then panicked when the mortgage valuation came round as she was very close to top of what she could afford and thought bank would say was worth more). Estate agents like to overinflate prices (makes sense business-wise) and prices are a little overinflated at the minute due to stamp duty. 

Thanks vixx_123 - I think we must be joint tenants as I can't find anything to say either of us have a particular share in the property.  I guess that means we're both entitled to 1/2 the equity if it comes to going our separate ways, less the fees you mention.  That would make it unaffordable for me to buy him out if house prices are as high as they look.  I doubt he'd expect much, if anything, but I need to be honest with him if he's entitled to it.  Still lots to think about.

there_is_a_light_2

mark55man said:

you need better advice I think on the whole process.  I always see advice that says if you are not married you're not entitled to a great deal, and usually as a man (sorry for that) that impacts on the woman getting done out of stuff.  I'm not sure why you are starting from a position that you have to do anything.  if you are not married I agree the pensions are just not an issue (particularly if yours are better) and shouldn't be mentioned.  

Normally arrangements for additional money in repaying different contributions to the deposit etc needs to be agreed at the time.  especially if things are amicable that might be tricky - however I refer you to my first sentence.  Maybe a separate thread on this specific topic in the relationships forum might be better - you are only getting a small %age of people who cold help in the diary section.  

Thanks again mark55man.  I'd never considered that not doing anything was an option.  If I stay in the house I'll need to raise some funds that he's entitled to.  Will dig around on the mortgage and pensions forums to see what I can find.  Still a lot to think about and read up on. 

there_is_a_light_2

So back to the debts, now updated to show the change from November.  Not good.

Outstanding debts as of 2/11/20: 27/1/21

CC1 - £3111.99 £3990.21

CC2 - £978.50 £878.50

Family - £520 £0
Storecard: £548.43

Total: £4610.49 £5,417.14

Target date to clear: July 2021 

Not thinking about a target date to clear just now, too many unknowns.  Payday tomorrow so I'll make the minimum payments for the month, stick to a tight budget and hope to make some overpayments later in the month.  I need to make sure that nothing else goes on the cards.  Going to set a 'shopping and everything else' budget of £200 for the month and focus on sticking to this.  This will let me build up the emergency fund and pay some extra to the CCs later this month.

mark55man

I'm not a complete bar-steward, and neither are you from the sounds of it.  But from negotiation point of view best to hold your cards close to the chest - people always want more, irrespective of entitlement.  You do want to avoid it turning nasty, or leaving OH so poorly provided for that it becomes an issue for wider family relationships.  BUT, you do need to make sure you are OK as well, and as much past that as is consistent with feeling OK about yourself after.  I'll leave it there - but I suspect there are many hard done by women on the relationships board who would urge you not to be too nurturing.

Also this is your life and I'm a keyboard warrior so has to be your call - but just check you understand the scenarios that you have to choose from before plumping for one

peb

Joint tenants means that you both together own the entirety of the property, tenants in common is where you each own a share - the title won't tell you what the share is. Look at the restrictions on the title to see if there is anything stopping one trustee selling without the consent of the other - known as a sole proprietor or a form A restriction, if you have one you hold as tenants in common