First Steps to Solvency

riotlady

PassElephant said:

@alt80
Is your dark secret a KFC  family bucket and coca cola...?  This is my nemesis, though I don't eat all the fries.🍗🍗🍗

Mine is getting a smartie mcflurry and adding extra smarties to it xD 

alt80

My wife would go postal if she knew I ever had Maccies lol.

Another watch enquiry today. Really quite hoping it goes now as seemed keen and apparently for a Christmas present so probably serious given the time of year.

Had my counselling session. Very ambivalent to it all right now - could very easily say f**k it and start spending again but I want to be a better example to my son. Part of me dreads to think what he’s going to grow into with my influence both spending and anger. Always thought I hid the anger well but when I’m shouting at stewards in car parks and being rude to wife because my car got filthy and she wanted to go to the pumpkins that’s really not hiding it and a bad example. Someone on here said I could be his hero probably already am spent a bit of time thinking about that - don’t want him looking up to that kind of behaviour or never being content in life either.

alt80

Haven’t set any goals this week with Monday being a write off. Not had a drink tonight so feel like I’m winning on that front.

Resisted buying more stuff tonight. Found I was looking again know I can’t spend massive amounts of money so just browsing clothes. Asked wife to take my phone off me. Literally confiscate it lol. No sale on the watch started obsessing refreshing emails; I thought he was going to deal. Do this in business all the time half the reason I spend too many hours working - obsessing, checking emails and rechecking stuff making sure deals are happening. Got the Lego out with son to get away from it and forgot about buying for a few moments. Asked him to put it away too, wife was amazed he did. I was too tbh never thought I was very good with kids even my own haha. Might come across like I don’t care about my family I do a lot. Fairly certain I don’t deserve to have them though hopefully will make the changes so I do.

Still struggling badly with sleep getting about 5 hours broken most nights probably not helping the mindset and stress levels. Got things going on with my development project as well as this stuff. Half don’t know why I keep writing my thoughts down on here probably should keep it to myself lol and well aware I’m probably getting towards being a fully certified nut case right now. Literally swinging between wanting lockdown life back and wanting to spend a fortune I don’t have. 100% time with family not looking at 7 figure houses or AMs. Goals at the back of my mind not there torturing me telling me I’ve not made it. Other part just wants to get there and onto the next level. Know I need to get these cards gone though and be in a position to stop using them.

It’s one month until I’m 40. Should have grown up from being so consumed by insatiable financial greed and wanting to spend money I don’t have getting stressed over stuff.

enthusiasticsaver

Two wins tonight then.  Resisting buying stuff and playing with your son and getting him to put his lego away.  Lack of sleep cannot be helping with your state of mind.  Keeping off alcohol is probably a good idea at the moment until your mood is better.  I am not sure why you think you are not successful in your view.  You are not yet 40 so a bit early to write yourself off. Good you are starting to appreciate your family. 

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver The sleep is badly affecting me professionally and personally tbh. Can hardly see the wood for the trees right now. Usually an eight hours or I’m hardly functioning sort of person so this isn’t great for me broken sleep been going on for about two months now.

Always said drinking when you’re feeling down is a recipe for a habit I don’t want. Seen enough alcoholics queuing outside the pub to put me off. Do have a goal to cut it to £100 next month just 4/5 bottles of wine to share with wife at the weekend. Said to wife I’m going to do dry January this coming year, done it a few times not a big challenge tbh like a drink but not too bothered about it.

Turning 40 is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety - wife making jokes everyday about being properly into midlife now isn’t helping too much lol. Not sure what I would consider successful for myself either. If I were 25, I’d be very happy if I stepped into my house / cars etc but now looking for next level. Always wanting more it’s tiring and I don’t want my mindset for my son when he’s older. 

JCS1

To help with the sleep, have you spoken to your chemist or doctor?  Chemist as there are over the counter pills which may help on a temporary basis, and if they don't work try your dr for sleeping pills.  Be warned, I didn't feel fit to drive the next morning, so only ever took them on a Friday/Saturday night, which is probably a good idea as it keeps the use infrequent.

alt80

@JCS1 thanks my wife has mentioned I could see GP. Would prefer to avoid, I did have similar spell just before I remortgaged the BTLs did see GP then who just gave me a lot of chat about good sleep habits / stress and tried to put me on anti-depressants - nothing for sleep unless they make you drowsy don’t know as I declined. This was a private GP too.

Going to try the hot chocolate and chill app sleep story tonight because I’m that much of a child lol.

ladyholly

I know it may sound a bit effeminate but if I am having trouble sleeping I put a couple of drops of lavender essential oil on my pillow. I find it does help. 
Brilliant on getting your son to put his lego away. If you persist with it may rub off on your wife.
I don't think I have ever come across anyone as hard on themselves as you. Give yourself credit for the small wins and they will gradually get bigger. As someone suggested write down your wins and you will be able to see the progress you are making. Tonight's are playing lego and not buying anything even though you wanted to.

alt80

@ladyholly just a bit lol. As I’ve just admitted to a hot chocolate and a bed time story FML I’ll not rule it out haha.

Have been thinking about how my actions may rub off on him. Do I really want a kid who loses it about a bit of mud on a 4x4 or punches walls so hard his wife takes him to A&E because he’s going to have to buy the £110k RR rather than the £150k flagship when he’s almost 40. No.

Can’t say I’ve ever been kind to myself. Drives me forwards to the next level usually gives me a lot of stress too though tbf.

getmore4less

Just writing stuff down can help a bit as it focuses the thoughts into something relatively coherent rather than whizzing round the head.

Might be putting toys away is not a problem, just the lad has never been asked to put stuff away before, when it changes to "NO" then you have a problem.

Have you done the IIR for the BTL business?
Even with the personal bailout  going from £20k to what, over £300k equity  in not that many years is pretty good progress look for ways to keep that momentum going.
  
For a rough guess the rule of 72(72/rate=years) can come in handy as it gives a relatively easy what return do I need to double my money in X years, good yields and good project should get you 10%-20% that's doubling your assets in 4-8years if you aim for 5 years that's would get you to over £1m in the BTL well before 50 a pretty good goal maybe a challenge of £2m by 50.