First Steps to Solvency

ryanm8655

stymied said:

From what you’ve described I don’t understand the massive problem with the day. Undoubtedly it was boring but you must have enjoyed watching son have fun. It’s perfectly normal to the grandpa to treat his family to a (presumably cheap) day out. I would hope he does get pleasure from doing so; I know I do when a friend / family allows me to treat them and try to accept graciously when someone chooses to pay for us. Maybe the steward did enjoy making a town 4x4 & your shoes get dirty - if that was their motivation it wasn’t kind but it’s a bit of a ‘whatever’ moment that it’s worth learning to shrug off. Equally they *could* have been saving the easy spaces for the old people (FIL?) and the cars that had no chance of making it out of the field. I wonder how many cars they’ve had to dig out of that field?

These were my thoughts too. I think you’re being over sensitive/a bit childish over the whole thing. Like with the finances, I think you need to work on the mindset in these situations too. It sounds like a nice day out to me, yet somehow you’ve turned it into a nightmare because your car got dirty and you didn’t have to pay for pumpkins. As for demanding the wife washes your car, I hope you weren’t saying this in an angry way because of your issue with the day...

As for son, he might be kind now but he is in his formative years and he could easily become a nightmare. The youngest here used to be lovely but has become a rude and spoiled brat just from being the youngest and getting her own way all the time. Never cleans anything up, gets in a strop/ignores you when asked to do anything to help, whatever you say she disagrees with for the sake of it. Meanwhile the other two can’t get away with anything. She’s only going to get worse as she always gets her own way in the end. Literally refuses to eat fruit and vegetables, moans about every meal to the extent they’ll even make her a different meal to everyone else. The worst is she’ll do things to get other kids in trouble if they don’t give her her own way. She’s even been caught out buying things on iPad games several times, yet still gets to play it while the child a year older is deemed too untrustworthy, despite never even getting the chance. It’s ludicrous. Sorry, my own rant...

clairebeth

I am really horrified by your comments about your family day out.

For the last time, no one envies your car. People see an RR as wankish, completely unnecessary and that the owner will be in debt for it. No one envies that, not least a steward whose job it is to look at cars all day.  It's also his job to direct those cars to the most appropriate place, like a range rover to the muddy bit, because presumably the car and its driver should be able to manage that. If not, why own such a car?

That's really lovely of your father in law to treat the family, especially when he knows you're having a hard time.  I suppose even when you don't go with them he possibly treats his daughter and grandson too, because that's what grandpas do. 

I always say that we have twice the money and half the kids of my parents, but that doesn't stop them treating their family to lunch or a day out. And they've got 9 grandchildren! It's not about the money, it's about the gesture. 

alt80

Two more things sold this morning - £750. Will deal with later but great start to the week. Watch enquiry seems to have come to nothing though. Another buyer out there I’m sure.

Son still talking about yesterday this morning as I’ve said before he likes the simple things lol and FIL sent a really good photo of son and I that he took. One for the album - have very few photos of my son and I so really quite happy with that. Shouldn’t have been as angry as I was about car tbf not the best example to be setting. Rage Rover lol. 

@warby68 I’ve done quite a few flips so open to that, decide on exit strategy for the property on individual case. Looking forward to getting one but not desperate - needs to be right deal. 

@ryanm8655 that girl sounds like a nightmare tbh mate. Def don’t want that can see why she’s put you off kids.

@clairebeth You’d be angry too if your FIL had to say to in public you’re ‘exactly the sort’ who drives a RR (more the Sport with the bad image problem lol) and up to your eyeballs in debt. Not something I’d say in public about someone.

RelievedSheff

Try and make more of those photo opportunities with your son. They will make great memories to look back on as the years progress.

Excellent news on the sales progress. You have reminded me that we really need to sort out some stuff to sell. We have loads of boat stuff that we can sell on Ebay.

ladyholly

People do sometimes open their mouths without putting their brain in gear and even if it was intended get over it. It was I am sure annoying but if you ignore the sarky comments you will be the better man especially when you have paid off all your credit cards. 

warby68

alt80 said:

Two more things sold this morning - £750. Will deal with later but great start to the week. Watch enquiry seems to have come to nothing though. Another buyer out there I’m sure.

Son still talking about yesterday this morning as I’ve said before he likes the simple things lol and FIL sent a really good photo of son and I that he took. One for the album - have very few photos of my son and I so really quite happy with that. Shouldn’t have been as angry as I was about car tbf not the best example to be setting. Rage Rover lol. 

@warby68 I’ve done quite a few flips so open to that, decide on exit strategy for the property on individual case. Looking forward to getting one but not desperate - needs to be right deal. 

@ryanm8655 that girl sounds like a nightmare tbh mate. Def don’t want that can see why she’s put you off kids.

@clairebeth You’d be angry too if your FIL had to say to in public you’re ‘exactly the sort’ who drives a RR (more the Sport with the bad image problem lol) and up to your eyeballs in debt. Not something I’d say in public about someone.

So your takeaways?
Son very happy, lovely photo to keep - sending it was a nice gesture from FIL. If he really was all mean about you he wouldn't send ones that make you feel good.
Stop proving your FIL right - you did make a fuss about parking by your own account. You were probably embarrassing. You ARE up to the hilt in debt, but you're fixing it. He might be rude and tactless but he isn't actually wrong.
Keep going @alt80. There's a new and improved version of you on the way
You need to find a way not to take yourself so very seriously. Sooner you can start laughing and shrugging some stuff off the better. Current reactions have a lot of stress behind them which will hopefully start to ease soon.
Now, what's this about another £750 for the debts? Not bad for a Monday.

One-step-at-a-time

When FIL makes a snarky comment, just own it! A calm response -  "Yes, I've made mistakes but I'm fixing them". Don't react, don't let him get a rise out of you. If he knows he can't needle you, there'll be no fun in it.

alt80

Can’t get away from the anger at the moment. Day going fairly well apart from one of my senior staff isn’t well and I’m doing his work. Went to Costa for lunch massive queue then they wouldn’t bring lunch over, soup still in packaging placed in a bowl and butter freezing straight out of fridge for toast. Absolutely lost it. Know it’s ridiculous and did actually apologise. Stress definitely getting the better of me right now. What’s going to be years of payback isn’t helping - literally feel like my (personal) life is on hold until the cards have gone and Range Rover balloon. Right now I’ve lost my ftype and just seems like back in 6 figures of debt that all needs paying fairly soon. Someone on here was like why not remo res home now to get some more property that’s set me off - not the comment that was fair - the fact the bank would say ‘no’. It’s ridiculous they won’t let me release the equity due to ‘affordability’ when the only reason I want to do it is to raise capital and buy more property guess what increasing the affordability through eventually taking a bigger income. Commercial bridge 80ltv stupid rates no problem, res remo on 1.5% f**k off. It’s a joke.

@RelievedSheff thanks. Need to make more effort with him overall tbf. Great news on the selling. We’re doing well from it, some stuff on ebay goes for silly prices so good luck with yours. 

RelievedSheff

Try not to beat yourself up and let yourself get stressed out about stuff that can't now be changed now. Try to look ahead to a positive future that is debt free.

You are doing great. It is amazing how far you have come in a short space of time. Try to focus on the positive aspects of what you are doing rather then dwelling on the negative points.

PassElephant

@alt80
You are doing really well.  This is a huge change and you are coping. Facing forward into change is emotionally challenging. Especially if you know the changes will last for a while. You are in a better place than most to do this.
You can do this.
Give yourself a big smile and a back pat for everything you have done so far.