First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Good morning. No planned spends and we’ve bright weather here, trees are really blossoming now and we have some spring flowers in the borders tbh I feel really !!!!!! lucky to live where I do rn. Lot of places in the world that are unsafe and a lot of places in this part of the world that are a whole lot worse than where I live. Not the weather to sit outside but it is still nice to enjoy the garden from inside. Today’s cal is to ‘get outside and notice how the weather feels on your face’ ha and what a day to get outside. Have already been out once but planning to go for a little walk before starting my working day. 

Apart from work I’ve nothing planned probably just go to bed early again. For some reason and unlike me lol I am sleeping a lot; 8-9 hours. Not going to get worried about it just hope all comes good and my body just wants to catch up on years of as little sleep as possible. 

@ladyholly I am working on it and I hope so.

@Willowtree222 thank you. I’m not going to pretend I feel alright about not being able to provide more cash and not be able to say she can just treat herself but just as I can’t allow myself to keep on !!!!!! it I can’t allow her to either. We’ve not had an easy time since I asked her to pay it back but I think we’re just about getting through it. 

Sun_Addict

Glad to hear you’re sleeping better, I know that was of particular concern to you. Hopefully your wife will think twice before she goes on another spending spree, sounds like she’s slowly changing her ways which is great. 

getmore4less

Good to hear you are sleeping better that should help a lot.

We have a cold start here, very sunny so should be able to get out a bit later to tackle some tidy up jobs.

Wife does seem to be making a bit of progress, maybe it will sink in that she can have things if they are well considered and on budget rather the splash the cash.
Might even work out sell a few bits to get some extra spending money.

RelievedSheff

Great to hear that your sleep is coming more naturally now and you are getting a proper rest each night.

We almost always get a minimum of 8 hours sleep and sometimes a little more. 

alt80

Good morning, not sure how it’s Friday already tbh I don’t feel ready to stop work for the weekend but I should have the break. Spoke too soon about the sleep ha last night was awful hardly any sleep and when I !!!!!! horrendous dreams fml. Hoping it’s just the one night tbh I’m going to bed at 8pm if I have to tonight. No spends planned today and the weather is nice here again. Cal is to ‘stay fully present while drinking your cup of tea or coffee’ give that a go after writing this; just had the madness of the morning and not long until the madness of the office on a Friday so going to try to get a bit of peace before it all starts lol.

@Sun_Addict I can only hope so. She has been cut down to one card, could do some damage with the limit though. Know what people will say on here, should cut the limit down but I can’t bring myself to do it, have been tempted but every time I think about doing it always some nagging thought in my head telling me one day I might really need it idk no one know’s what’s around the corner eh.

@getmore4less thanks mate tbh having slept well recently I’m not feeling absolutely !!!!!! terrible this morning, just don’t want to get into old patterns though. 

It was a cold start here yesterday but did warm up a bit. Hopefully be the same today. Seems to be something new in the garden everyday too things I always just took for granted never noticed. Sad really too wrapped up in trying to block anything that wasn’t work out all the time and ultimately just hurting myself. Better days to keep coming though hopefully. 

Been here before with her. Had a few moments I think we’ve something really good, she’s enjoying us having a bit of a new life together and then just !!!!!! spoils it. Tbh I know how much it hurts her too, I’ve been there many times thinking this is it and I’m 100% done then just let her down days/ weeks/ months later still don’t !!!!!! trust myself tbh. So yeah idk what will sink in with her and what won’t.

@RelievedSheff Tbh I see why now, it’s definitely been nice. My long sleeps use to be just exhaustion and being honest withdrawal and all I wanted was to stay up on the stimulants. This not been anything like that, it’s just been nice to sleep at night, up at a reasonable hour and not feel like the world is caving in. Perks of not being a !!!!!! haha.

poppy811

Just a thought that perhaps you could reduce the card limit on a temporary basis.  It could always be increased when you are more confident that her spending is under control.
Sorry you had a poor night and hope you can enjoy the weekend

katsu

Well done on getting through this tough time @alt80.  You and your wife are making progress and her selling to clear her over spend is a great way forward. 

Maybe she'll decide she's happy selling some old designer stuff when she wants new stuff. 

Tbh I'm hoping that in time she will want less of it as she comes to appreciate the simpler family life that you are all building together. I think you'll find many of us here end up in a simpler and more appreciative place. 

RelievedSheff

Good Morning Alt. You are starting to appreciate the simpler (and cheaper) things in life.

Who would have thought that a year ago

You are a changed man and a changed family. You are all doing great.

Humdinger1

@alt80 I've been thinking about how my debt was run up when I was in magical thinking, extrovert, full-of-myself mode.  Clearing it, I discovered an introverted part of myself.   When I'm dealing with money, I now operate in the latter. Still have lots of fun and give my extrovert side an outing most of the time, but I find I make better, more realistic decisions in introverted mode.  I'm not saying this should be the case for you both, but so much external pressure is there for us all  to live in the former mode where it is almost impossible to think long-term or accept the possibility that we might need an emergency fund, whether we created the problem situation requiring it or not.  Ironically, or perhaps understandably, I can picture the extrovert in me well; the introverted part is harder to visualise but I do go there and spend time exploring it.  Hope this isn't too fanciful; it has helped me get my feet on the ground and live my best life.  You are doing brilliantly; keep going love Humdinger x 

getmore4less

Shame you lost your sleep run, good you feel a bit better for it, might be the catch up needed is done for a bit, I would stick with the program of having things planned and trying to get to bed a bit early, if feeling OK maybe a bit later than 8pm(If I did that I would be awake again before 12am) I would be aiming to get up by 6am as that is when it is getting light.

Most of us here will have noticed the progress the wife is making, each setback will hurt but they have become less frequent and resistance to returning things has all but gone so each blip can be fixed with your support.

Change takes time so keep with it and watch out for the triggers.
Cutting the limit could be one so I would leave the trust on the table for now and consider it next blip

One thought on the plans, do you review them with her at least once a month, twice would be better, just a review of the plan and what's in the budget for the next couple of weeks  and maybe thinking about the next bigger trip to make sure everything is covered.
The reviews might just end up being well done to both of you, we are on plan lets keep it going.

Maybe try to think of a little surprise not something material if possible but a personal treat aimed at the wife, maybe attach to an existing plan(keep it a secret just in case it has to be postponed).

Don't forget the Rugby is tonight and Sat so you need to plan something for Sunday


Just after my post(9:22) yesterday next door had their fence man round and I went out to open our side gate, it was really nice in the Sun so changed and went out to do a bit of tidy up lasted till 1pm before I was feeling it and packed up Front is 90% done now, most years I am on it end of April so well ahead, Back is not looking as good thats for another day as forecast is rain again.