First Steps to Solvency

ladyholly

Well done for not losing it over the insensitive talk by your BiL. No you dont deserve that. Perhaps have a word with your FiL and tell him how it made you feel and ask him not to invite you if said BiL is there at least until you are a bit stronger and further on in your recovery. Your wife could go and if asked why you arent there be blunt and say that you were made to feel awful last time  for one and you do wish ypur past mistakes discussed front of your son. Sorry I am not noted for my tact (I do try but my mouth sometimes works faster than my brain ) and eof it to be discussed at the dinner table is really not appropriate.

Try to focus on the positive bits of the weekend instead but I know thats hard.

Dont worry about figures they wont run away and we will be here today, tomorrow or whenever.

Your calendar sounds like it knows what went on.

Four_Seasons

Second what Sheff says, well done, a few months ago things would have been very different, be proud of how far you have come. thanx for the positive thought.  Have a good week.

alt80

Thanks all, has been nice to see the weather improve a little if still freezing. Also nice to see more signs of spring in my garden too. Managed to get home before dark this evening and have a slow walk around my garden with my family. I've been struggling a little bit today on and off but am through and the thought that has not left my mind is it's worth it. It's not worth spending money on things just because I can for a bit of a buzz and it's not worth undoing the past almost 40 weeks either. 

Cherryfudge

Almost 40 weeks is awesome.

Disney_Princess85

40 weeks is an amazing achievement. Never under estimate how far you have come in such a short space of time. You are definitely not the man you were 40 weeks ago.

enthusiasticsaver

You are doing brilliantly.  I would have been tempted to tell your BIL your addiction and why you are not drinking is nothing to do with him and you would rather not discuss it and move on to another topic. May mean a few moments awkwardness but that is his doing not yours.  He sounds incredibly tactless. These moments will become fewer as time goes on though and they can see you are changed. 

poppy811

Agree with enthusiasticsaver none of his business. You have done so well, I hope you are proud of yourself.

alt80

Thanks all, not had the best day yesterday but just went to bed early; trying to keep one eye on doing the right thing and tell myself it’s better for my family and I. BIL and I have never got on, just one of those things but still not easy to deal with however it didn’t lead to anything destructive. Can’t say I trust myself tbh and feel extra vigilant now I have a bit more access to my personal money. Possibly sounds silly but it 100% means I’ve got greater opportunity to do something destructive should I choose. 

Actually have additional thanks to people on here who’ve made me think about the way I run my business. I’ve staffed fairly lean and tried to take the slack up myself which tbh these days I can’t do and when I could I was killing myself. Early days had to be like that but I lost it a bit when my addiction started to get quite bad and plans were unfortunately influenced without much rational thought. I used to consider my son thinking I ‘lived at work’ was some kind of !!!!!! badge of honour and used to hate my wife asking for a bit of my time. I still enjoy work tbh and I still don’t see a time I won’t work but I was !!!!!! it for myself and for my business with how I was running things. Slowly working to change the culture a bit, not staff so lean and am very tentatively starting to see some pay off. It’s not as much a buzz as it was tbh when things were good they were really !!!!!! good but things weren’t always like that and I can unfortunately trace some of the patterns back to when my addiction got really bad and really destructive. Same thing happened with my finances; always had a bit of a problem with spending too much but any reason went out the window when I was in a bad way with my addiction. 

I’m actually really conscious of the rising cost of living in a way I wasn’t before despite in times previous when this has been a current topic in the news I’ve been in a much worse position personally. Bit of a realisation of how !!!!!! close things have come and on a fair few occasions if something had just tipped me over the edge the whole lot would have fell. I’ve always said I am conscious staff and tenants are paying my mortgages and times are no different now but the way I am starting to view my obligation to them is a little different; tbh whilst I always felt an obligation to provide ongoing work and homes I didn’t question my own recklessness potentially putting other people’s livelihoods and homes at risk in any real capacity. 

Financially I know I’ve been avoiding actually putting pen to paper and admitting it triggered my mental health to spiral which tbh not an easy thing to admit to myself - better that than ‘coping’ in the way I was though know that much. Anyway total card balances stand at £32.75k, much of the additional spends are planned over this year we just chose to book things in advance and we recovered most of the money my wife spent, hoping one more sale will offset the rest. Possibly sounds like I’m being a bit of a !!!!!! but I’ve asked she pays it back with sales as it wasn’t an agreed spend.

Cal for the day is ‘to take a full breath in and out before you reply to others’; not sure about this being mindful March it’s shaping up to be more like anger management March lol.

ladyholly

alt80 said:

Cal for the day is ‘to take a full breath in and out before you reply to others’; not sure about this being mindful March it’s shaping up to be more like anger management March lol.

But you are managing the anger and that is a huge step. Your mind set has really changed for the better and well done to Mrs alt for repaying her spends. You are making great pregress and although it is tough I am certain that the rewards are coming in a more stable family life and business.

Willowtree222

Perhaps her having to take responsibility for paying it will be good for her to see there is a consequence to spending outside of the agreed amount. 

You’re still doing fab.