First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@HoneyRoastedParsnip I wasn’t really ‘there’ for my family before lockdown 1 tbh mate. Hadn’t really spent much time with my Mrs until then really either. Was really nice tbf I got to know her and my son. Do spend a lot more time with family post lockdown tbf but I’m not ready to give up on life.

That is the saddest thing I have read in a while and shows just how skewed your thoughts are and just how much further you have to go before you make a full recovery from the years of drug abuse your body has been through.

strawb_shortcake

I may be wrong, but since your "mate" got back in touch and agreed to the £200 a month for a parking space, you seem a bit more back to the whole levelling up thing again when so many of your recent posts all  had such a sense of genuine happiness and contentment 

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

I don’t understand how you can equate her wasting cash to me buying property, that’s ridiculous tbh. More lifestyle / loosening spending generally not in my plan after my RR is paid for it either goes on a res mortgage or stays retained. I’m fed up wasting my money. Now on I don’t waste it - the things I have in my list to buy aren’t things that are worthless pieces of tat. Yeah I’ll still dress well and dress her well but it’s one in one out.

I am saying that in her eyes buying a bigger property is a waste as she is happy where she is. In your eyes spending £110 on a hairbrush is a waste but she sees £100 as peanuts so not bothered about where it goes.  It is all about perception. You are always going to have this issue with your wife as she does not get the value of money.  She thinks £100 is loose change because she does not have to work for it. For some people that is a weekly food shop.  That won't change until she either is made to be responsible for her own spends (by her nail income alone say) or you preload the card or give her personal spends.  She then has  to be responsible for sticking to it though and you get no say on where it goes for it to work.  If you want to change her perception of spending you are going the wrong way about it. She isn't listening. 

RelievedSheff

annabanana82 said:

I may be wrong, but since your "mate" got back in touch and agreed to the £200 a month for a parking space, you seem a bit more back to the whole levelling up thing again when so many of your recent posts all  had such a sense of genuine happiness and contentment 

I had also thought that and wondered if "just a little bit" had been creeping back in these last few days.

I hope I am wrong.

warby68

I hope you're wrong too but the language and tone have changed a bit in the last few posts now you mention it.

enthusiasticsaver

warby68 said:

I hope you're wrong too but the language and tone have changed a bit in the last few posts now you mention it.

I would agree with that. 

stymied

I’m sort of glad it wasn’t just me thinking that but also really worried 😟 

alt80

Day 99 and I’ve not touched a little bit of anything.

I have been reviewing things in the background, definitely a realisation I’m getting no younger; running out of time to get to where I need to be in life. Thought I’d come to terms with the idea the next place I bought to live in is likely to be the last but I’m not really at peace with it. Realised that with the res home chat on here and with in-laws, they don’t get it either but I would like to think there are 2 levels left in me. It does seem a bit of an ask when I’ve put myself behind and not been planning towards those goals for a number of years. Moved in current home and got comfortable in a way I suppose, just lost the !!!!!! plot, no real plan to get to the next level, wanted it but not badly enough started really !!!!!! money up the wall then really. Never been a saint with money granted but I let it get stupid when I should have been planning my next move. I should be out of this place now and into the next, not playing catch up for the last 5 years or so. Is what it is ultimately, just need to keep on the right track financially, off the destructive stuff and put business first.

Probably sounds silly when we’re talking £100-200 or whatever but when my wife spends off plan I just feel she’s putting our timescales back ultimately. I get the allowance thing although I want to monitor her spends. Not a control thing, all she needs to do is put it on the sheet and she can see what she has to spend for the rest of the month/ year/ 5 years if she wants to have an expensive item and spend nothing for the next 5 I’m cool with that. Up to her I don’t care so long as she’s on plan and stays on plan. I don’t blame her for the past, that’s my fault 100% but she needs to be on board for the future or it will become compromising on the things she’ll regret when she’s older.

I’m not saying I want to go back to the no time with family, appreciate the comment may have sounded like that - wasn’t what was intended. I meant to say I don’t want to become one of those parents who coasts along in business because they have a kid, seen that happen with men as well as women. I’ve already spent enough time coasting for other reasons and just starting to see the other side now so don’t want family getting in the way. 

stymied

It is very controlling to want to know every single thing that a person buys out of their own personal budget.

Why is your residential house the best way to invest your money? You’ll lose a good chunk of depreciation on the 50k kitchen which is longer new. A different house will give zero extra value for day to day living (the current house already suits your family) and will be more expensive in council tax and maintenance. It is therefore only of any value at all if the investment is better than what you could get leaving the money in your business. You may be damaging your overall wealth by this obsession with more expensive houses. Put your business hat on for this decision not your emotional one.

theoretica

alt80 said:

@theoretica I’m not really sure your point read through a few times now - my understanding of the point you’re trying to make is I should not be considering buying anything in the future because I should consider spending a hardship than something pleasant? I don’t want to stop enjoying nice things, what’s the point in working hard to never buy anything nice again? Yeah I’m on the payback now but once that is done I can be drawing less from the business on a month to month basis, time to consider purchases before buying and if I want to draw additional income to pay for the nice thing. Gives me chance to think and if I don’t buy money stays in the business win win to me.

Sorry - it was clear in my head but probably came out garbled.  I absolutely agree with considered purchases and why earn if you don't use the money.  But my point is that the way you talk about things and are approaching finances does not seem to be working for your wife - and rather than pushing harder and harder at the same approach hoping for a different result I think it might work better to find a different way of thinking about things.  Maybe one way for you and a different way for her, as you are different people, but ways that work together. 

I can also predict exactly how you will feel if you buy a next house - very much as you did after you bought this one, but possibly even flatter after a while if you bigged it up even more in your mind before hand.  Also, it seems, with an upset rather than supportive wife.  I worry this is your addictive high seeking coming out again.  Your present house *was* your goal and it is only habit and your spending addiction moving the goalposts and keeping you on this path - rather than choosing a very different next aim instead of more of the same.