First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

All this talk of "levelling up" is just nonsense. Life is not a computer game where your goal is to reach the next level.

If you are not careful you will lose the support of your wife. And if she leaves you will lose half of everything as well as having large payments to support her and your son.

You need to have a long hard think about what is most important to you and consider their future as well as your own.

Time to grow up and accept your responsibilities.

alt80

@stymied we don’t have personal budgets, it’s shared. Personal budget could be one way to look at it, I accept that and I have considered moving her onto this method. There’s no way she’ll stick to it, ok saying just let her whinge but I don’t want her walking into a shop and getting her card declined. Do wonder sometimes if she’s stupid enough to try it and what the !!!!!! is she meant to say if she’s with a mate if it happened option 1 makes me look like a !!!!!! and option 2 makes it look like I’m a lot more financially !!!!!! than I am. I can’t trust her to check the account and not to try to use a debit card with a smaller balance than one of her spends. 

Res home: granted the money would be better in units. 100% I plan to add to the portfolio but I also need to have something for myself and for my family too though else what’s the point really.

@theoretica she just needs to sort herself mate it’s simple but not when it’s a habit I know.

Re house she’ll come round when we pick the keys up 100%. Don’t really know what else is worth taking money out retained for re choosing a different goal - not that bothered about a sports car, watches can take or leave really many I like and would buy if I was wanting to spend mindlessly but managed to live with 1 for a long time so what else is there? Investing in units 100% that grows organically still working at lowering my own reliance on BTL income and I’m getting somewhere. Why I’m still at work past 7pm Friday can’t get the staff lol. Not after being richest corpse in the graveyard - still want to have nice things even if it does mean spending. Relative to affordability once I’ve got rid of the personal debts I’ll be no where close to what I can borrow with the current place. Always wound up borrowing less than offered for res mortgages; take what I’ll be offered in full in c5yrs time and buy something that needs some work, I’ll have something really special. Home to be proud of. 

alt80

@RelievedSheff idk what you consider the meaning of life or whatever if we’re getting philosophical about it. I do have goals to reach the next level and the one after that. There is little point otherwise. 

I suppose it’s akin to you thinking you’d like to upgrade your van to one of those massive American vans with the slide out accommodation bays - moving onto the next level of van ownership. Tbf I know nothing about van ownership so idk if they are actually any good but anyhow I could see how that might be a goal of yours as you enjoy your weekends away, elevating the thing you enjoy. I’m the same with my house - I would absolutely love to own a Hine/ Fothergill/ late Georgian or early Regency place if further out of the city. The reasons I want one are largely stupid from a ‘how does it serve your needs way’ to be able to own one would be absolutely amazing. It’s the ownership experience mainly. 

Can only assume your ref re my Mrs leaving is to do with your earlier assumption which is wrong. 

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

 Don’t really know what else is worth taking money out retained for re choosing a different goal - not that bothered about a sports car, watches can take or leave really many I like and would buy if I was wanting to spend mindlessly but managed to live with 1 for a long time so what else is there? Investing in units 100% that grows organically still working at lowering my own reliance on BTL income and I’m getting somewhere. Why I’m still at work past 7pm Friday can’t get the staff lol. Not after being richest corpse in the graveyard - still want to have nice things even if it does mean spending. Relative to affordability once I’ve got rid of the personal debts I’ll be no where close to what I can borrow with the current place. Always wound up borrowing less than offered for res mortgages; take what I’ll be offered in full in c5yrs time and buy something that needs some work, I’ll have something really special. Home to be proud of. 

You do know there are other goals you can set which are not materialistic? Most people put being happy, healthy and a good family life, good friends and interpersonal relationships high on their list as well as a rewarding career.  If all your goals are materialistic you may find you are never satisfied which can lead to anxiety and depression.  I agree with setting financial goals to reach objectives like buying a house (in your case) or early retirement (for many) or take a trip somewhere but surely there are other things you want to do with your life other than buy a bigger house or spend money? 

SanguineGina

Great to see you on day 99, alt, well done👍

Given that it is inevitable that your wife's spending will continue to go off plan, is there really no way that you can factor into your planning and timescales some slack to allow for the off plan spends?

You may not want to do that, but it seems a more pragmatic solution than continually expecting your wife to stay on plan when she isn't motivated enough to do so.

The off plan spends must be so frustrating but what other option do you have left other than açcepting that your wife is always going to overspend.

woahsoah

Back to levelling up eh? You really don't earn enough to warrant these worries about having so much money you won't know what to do with it. There will always be things to buy. I earn multiples of what you earn, at least 3-4x these days after tax. Pre-covid my credit card bill was usually 5-7k. I cannot remember the last thing I bought now. It has been positive for me.

Wanting nice possessions is fine but in your current financial position I don't know why you are torturing yourself umming and ahing over things which are out your reach? Why are you wasting the brain power?

Pay off the debt, then consider your situation. Rather than "ohhh debt free, maybe ill get this watch or that watch or.. ". Remember if you drop 10k on a watch your wife will only think it's fair she can drop 10k on something too.

Jellytotts

You can't have everything but you can have enough.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@RelievedSheff idk what you consider the meaning of life or whatever if we’re getting philosophical about it. I do have goals to reach the next level and the one after that. There is little point otherwise. 

I suppose it’s akin to you thinking you’d like to upgrade your van to one of those massive American vans with the slide out accommodation bays - moving onto the next level of van ownership. Tbf I know nothing about van ownership so idk if they are actually any good but anyhow I could see how that might be a goal of yours as you enjoy your weekends away, elevating the thing you enjoy. I’m the same with my house - I would absolutely love to own a Hine/ Fothergill/ late Georgian or early Regency place if further out of the city. The reasons I want one are largely stupid from a ‘how does it serve your needs way’ to be able to own one would be absolutely amazing. It’s the ownership experience mainly. 

Can only assume your ref re my Mrs leaving is to do with your earlier assumption which is wrong. 

You see that's where we differ completely. We have no intention of upgrading the van and certainly wouldn't even consider an RV 🤣🤣🤣

If we do change it in the future it will most likely be for the newer version of what we have.

We can't go any bigger for the kind of "camping" that we do. It needs to be small enough tuck into parking bays.

And there is the difference,  realising when enough really is enough.

Your continual quest to reach the next level will ultimately lead to your financial ruin.

Grumpelstiltskin

Alt  You and all of us know you have an addictive personality, your present addiction is THE house.

You more than any of us know these houses are as rare as hen's teeth and the chance of one being for sale is many times rarer.

For anyone who doesn't know Nottingham look at this website.
Some of Fothergill's Buildings (watsonfothergill.co.uk)

So say tomorrow £10 million landed in your lap, you pay off your debts and have the cash to buy THE house outright. How long do you think you would have to wait until THE house came on the market? 1 year, 5 years, 10 years?

Stop obsessing about the house, live your life in the here and now.

What should your priorities be? In my mind  1 family, 2 business 3 hobbies.

Just think about the practicalities not the obsession.

Legs21

Ambition and obsession - learn the difference. 

The ambition should be to own a family HOME that is in the right location and serves the family’s needs.

Obsession is a 7 figure HOUSE that reflects your “look at me, I’ve made it” status.

Day 100 ✅ A massive milestone. Don’t derail yourself, you’ve come too far.