First Steps to Solvency

ladyholly

Your posts are a pleasure to read now. You are doing so well and I know you have what i will loosely call challenges with your road to recovery.

Well done on refusing to get your son the phone and having a conversation with your wife re your son hitting you both and the fact he is not a baby any more. He will probably tell you both he hates you and want to leave home, dont cave in to blackmail from him. Most children do that and you will probably have to work hard with your wife that he doesnt hate you. Be consistent with what you do and start giving him some responsibility - a patch in th garden/ making his bed/ tidying toys aways. Whatever you choose. i would  also suggest a little pocket money perhaps starting on his birthday but make sure he only gets it if he behaves with no violence. He will learn quite quckly that hitting gets him nowhere and makes his life harder.

alt80

Day 96, terrible time getting to sleep was past 2am know that much, not woken with a back injury at least. Can’t even get it to do it again probably have to have some sort of scan idk need to get the ball rolling on that.

Won’t be spending any money today; nice weather, good day planned on the work front managed to negotiate 6.30pm dinnertime bbq. They usually eat at 5pm.

@ladyholly thank you. Yeah don’t think son is going to love me come his birthday and no phone turning up kind of hoping he will have forgotten about having one by then but I don’t think he will. Had the ‘leave home’ thing tbh when he did it last over the phone it was !!!!!! hilarious asked him where he was going to go and he told me he was going to ‘build his own house’ haha. I’ve promised him a little part of the garden that we’ve started planning for next year together possibly should give him a little bit to work on himself maybe. I can get him to tidy toys, wife can’t but ask him to make his bed fml think that’ll cost me. Asked him to do that once he didn’t want to and tried to negotiate a fee for the ‘work’ I can’t knock that lol he’s def my boy. 

RelievedSheff

Your son is the right age to start having to do chores to earn a bit of pocket money.

It will teach him that he has to earn his money and it will also be good for him to start learning about handling money, saving and having his own budget.

Lessons which perhaps yourself and your wife would have benefited from at his age.

You want to give him the best in life. Teaching him this at a young age will stand him in good stead for the future.

Kakiste

Excellent work with your son. Just hold the line and his behaviour will fall into place. 

If you're introducing new chores/expectations such as making his bed I would suggest to frame it in a conversation as "now that you're older and more grown up...." before you introduce the chore. My daughter has just had sweeping up the kitchen floor after dinner each night added to her list of chores this summer and she's still oddly excited about doing it every day Keeps repeatedly talking about it as she does it (as I wash up) and saying things like "You couldn't have asked a 5 year old to do this could you?/ Now that I'm almost 7 I'm basically a grown up/ When I have my own house I'll need to do this" chatting away as she does it. 

It's really cute.

alt80

@RelievedSheff love how you think I was a spoilt kid, haha really wasn’t the case my parents instilled a work ethic in both me and my sister. First taste of business young, I’m thankful for that 100%. 

Wasn’t taught to budget though lol more work hard, earn well, spend well. Get one life etc. 

Re my son his price was a joke - £1k to make his bed followed by a massive tantrum when I told him it was more like £5 worth to me. Not sure where he got the £1k from but fml think I saw about £0.50 for something like that as a kid. Cheaper labour from the Mrs ha. 

@kakiste haha my in laws do that to son lol he wants to be grown up around them but not at home. Your daughter saying that made me smile though, kids make me laugh some of the things they say.

RelievedSheff

That is why it is important to instill in him now the value of money and labour so that he has a grasp of the value of money before he is let loose in the "real world".

Sorry I didn't mean it to sound as though you were a spoilt child  

warby68

If he has a birthday coming up its a great time to change things up a bit because all the conversations can start with 'now you're 8' or 'now you're older' this is what we expect. It can be a fresh start with all previous tantrums etc forgotten. You can explain why things are not suitable at his age and how it will work instead etc

Get him a chart for his achievements and earnings.

I also keep banging on about pocket money............

Everyone says the same thing because they work

Jellytotts

We never did pocket money per chore, it was pocket money at the end of each week if they'd done their jobs and had been kind and nice children.  Jobs were making their bed each day and stripping the bedding off on a Friday before school so I could put fresh bedding on.  They needed to keep everything in their room tidy(ish) and they needed to Hoover their rooms twice a week.  All cups/glasses/plates had to be put in the sink/dishwasher each morning and bin brought down for emptying along with their bedding on a Friday.  This was 5 until around 8. At 8 they had to remake their own beds, empty the dishwasher or sweep the kitchen floor each night, put their own washing away (I'd fold it and leave it on their beds). And then help with dinner one night a week.

Once they got to teenagers they got an allowance paid into their bank account monthly and had to be responsible for budgeting alongside the housework stuff.

They've both gone on to buy their first homes by the age of 21 and have savings and decent jobs.

You've got to put the effort in whilst their young and it really does pay off as they get older.

ladyholly

I think asking for 1k to make his bed really shows how your and your wifes previous spending has affected him. Dont be too surprised that he behaves differently at home, many children have two (or more) personas depending on where they are and who they are with. That doesnt mean he can get away with bad behaviour but better he tests you rather than others.

Warbys idea of a fresh start for his Birthday is a good one and start allowing him to grow up as I think you have said your wife babies him - at 8 he isnt a baby and much as she wants him to be a baby he isnt and must be allowed to mature into a decent man like his dad is proving to be.

theoretica

Rewards don't need to be in money/things - if someone else has to do all the tasks then they just won't have time and energy (or inclination!) to do something fun together.  Doing housework also always seems less hard if other people are visibly doing it at the same time - do this while I do that, or which of these things will you do?