First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Day 48, full day of work but going to try to get an early evening break from it, do a little in the garden. Not told son yet as I may not and don't want to disappoint him. Missing our dog walks tbh.

No spending today, I still have no real access to money and wife is much more limited too. To have her !!!!!! problems lol been staring at the !!!!!! bag this morning doesn't know if she's doing the right thing haha. 30 days to return, told her to just leave it and not use it for a week idk. 

Got about 5 hours sleep, all I'm managing at the moment but I'm not getting tripped off by that, if I need to go to bed earlier I will. Meant to be a bit cooler this evening, wife has said I should have an early one go to bed about 11pm.

@katsu not a bad call writing that down I did think fml that's a lot of coffee and milk haha. Going to watch it over the next few days how many proper v decaf and cut the milk out for half.

@getmore4less you're right mate not as productive as I think I am when I do that. Had a fairly decent sleep instead and got about an hour done already. Something in the earlier mornings rather than spending the time feeling like !!!!!! on a comedown. Think about it in my current state of mind and just think it's just ridiculous.

Haha I don't tell her to sell anything that sets her off. She decides when she wants to sell stuff but you've reminded me to remind her to put a few things of mine up for sale thanks mate. 

Working on the reset of expectations !!!!!! my life up so much I've needed the pros lol. Hope one day I'll look back on these years and be able to have a laugh about it. Lot of years during my 30s I was just getting worse and not even sure what the last year has been but I don't think anyone is.

I don't tend to have a problem with weight but have had a little chance to think I have been eating a lot of !!!!!!. Scales reckon I've dropped 1kg though that's more weighing at end of day rather than beginning last time. Wife is a !!!!!! expert on this weighs herself every day, does the measures, same time everyday unless we're away and keeps a tracker lol. 

Have to say I'm avoiding pubs / going out generally I can't do it anymore. Mrs is meant to be going out with her mates not this weekend but next I've actually asked her to reconsider know she should be fine if she does catch Covid but seems very unpredictable who gets seriously ill and idk why I'm just a bit worried about her.

@warby68 thanks mate. 

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver !!!!!! ridiculous amount of calories. I go on the black coffee and stop eating cakes or half portion I'll be in a deficit easily lol. Wife gets my 100% honest mfp she'll be !!!!!! disgusted.

Like the 1 in 1 out philosophy - don't end up with a load of !!!!!! you don't really want/ need in your wardrobe. Not sure my Mrs will go for it though as for how many bags. To her they are like me buying property - no number is enough ha.

RelievedSheff

Well done on getting to Day 48.

Try and finish early and spend some time with your son. He will appreciate it. Your wife will as well. 

I'm sure if you stick with the plan that your wife will eventually come round and get onboard as well. 

Hazelnutty

Bargainhunter30 said:

Yes plenty of people do @RelievedSheff but not everyone wants or needs to. Myself and partner choose to both work part time, we could both work full time but we dont want to. Also next year my partner may change jobs and have to work full time and I may decide to stop working altogether, because actually it's really hard to work, live and manage a family and my mental health suffers. I want to enjoy life, not just struggle and manage to do 'everything'. It is acceptable and actually more than a full time job to be a homemaker.

Did anyone say it wasn't? You've clearly made choices that fit your own personal circumstances - great, but why the pop? I could just bat it back to you in the same vein and say, hey, are you saying those of us who work *don't* want to enjoy life and are just out there trying to 'have it all'? But what'd be the point of that? Doesn't help anyone to get into defensive positions. When ppl on here have spoken about work it's because they can see that paid work/volunteering *might* give alt's wife a sense of fulfilment and self-esteem that's clearly missing in her IG and image-focused life - that's not a comment about *your* choices (or anyone else who chooses to SAH) but a genuine attempt to offer advice. 

efes_shareholder

Just send the sodding bag back.

She knows its the right thing to do and if she is commited to the programme will suck it up and do it 

theoretica

Well done on working through the temptation and your rational mind winning - you know a night on the stuff wouldn't help get more work done over the week.

RelievedSheff

Bargainhunter30 said:

Yes plenty of people do @RelievedSheff but not everyone wants or needs to. Myself and partner choose to both work part time, we could both work full time but we dont want to. Also next year my partner may change jobs and have to work full time and I may decide to stop working altogether, because actually it's really hard to work, live and manage a family and my mental health suffers. I want to enjoy life, not just struggle and manage to do 'everything'. It is acceptable and actually more than a full time job to be a homemaker.

Which makes it more than a full time job to work, look after a house and look after a family.

You have made your choices. Other people choose completely different directions in their life.

The fact remains that if you want to spend a lot of money on expensive bags and clothes then that money has to be earned first. Alt cant do much more earning so the slack has to be picked up somewhere if Mrs Alt wants to continue her spending spree then she is going to have to fund it somehow.

As for enjoying life. We manage to hold down full time jobs and get out and enjoy ourselves. We don't struggle or just manage. We fully enjoy what we do. You can have a working life and be happy. It is finding that balance that is important.

Hazelnutty

RelievedSheff said:

Bargainhunter30 said:

Yes plenty of people do @RelievedSheff but not everyone wants or needs to. Myself and partner choose to both work part time, we could both work full time but we dont want to. Also next year my partner may change jobs and have to work full time and I may decide to stop working altogether, because actually it's really hard to work, live and manage a family and my mental health suffers. I want to enjoy life, not just struggle and manage to do 'everything'. It is acceptable and actually more than a full time job to be a homemaker.

Which makes it more than a full time job to work, look after a house and look after a family.

You have made your choices. Other people choose completely different directions in their life.

The fact remains that if you want to spend a lot of money on expensive bags and clothes then that money has to be earned first. Alt cant do much more earning so the slack has to be picked up somewhere if Mrs Alt wants to continue her spending spree then she is going to have to fund it somehow.

As for enjoying life. We manage to hold down full time jobs and get out and enjoy ourselves. We don't struggle or just manage. We fully enjoy what we do. You can have a working life and be happy. It is finding that balance that is important.

Thanks @RelievedSheff well put! I feel working women in particular are challenged, either explicitly or implicitly, to defend working (regardless of whether they may need to or are choosing to - people forget that women have *always* done paid work in this country) as if it's some kind of selfish drive to have everything that means they must be neglecting people or duties or missing out on parts of their lives (if you don't follow 'Man Who Has It All' on Facebook or Twitter, you should, it's hilarious for flipping this nonsense round e.g. during the Euros: 'Honest question: with all these young fathers on the pitch, who's looking after the kids?') I get a huge amount of fulfilment from my work and it contributes towards my happiness. It's a piece of my jigsaw. But it suits some, for their own reasons, to focus only on women's work as sacrifice, compromise and the struggle to juggle!

In terms of alt's wife I think it's both funding her spending *and* the need for something in her life where she derives self-worth from a contribution she makes rather than what she has/looks like. Paid work, if well chosen, could meet both goals.

stymied

@alt80 May I ask what’s happening with the cards now? Limiting your access to cash seemed to be helping you avoid the temptation when things trip you off but then your wife gave you her cards to look after. Does that mean you both now have restricted access to money or you both have access or just one of you does?

Can you cut the unneeded cards up rather than cancelling them? Can you do what others have suggested and freeze the seldom needed cards in blocks of ice so it gives thinking time while they defrost?

Humdinger1

@alt80 you are doing brilliantly; you've seen the life you want and are building it.  I think (have suffered from this myself and so did Exh) that there are enormous pressures to retreat into a fantasy world, whether that be the powder, IG, or just an exaggerated sense of your place in the world.  You've seen through it and have your feet on the ground.  Your wife though hasn't had quite the LBM yet.  Getting there is scary and can feel like the world is against you.  Hope I'm not speaking out of turn but think more time with ILs could help as well as some therapy just for her.  She needs to know she has a secure place in the world as it is; no small feat when we look around....keep going, we are all so proud of you.  Humdinger1