First Steps to Solvency

warby68

It sounds as if wife is having to look at herself now she can't blame everything on you and struggling with that especially as inlaws are challenging her a bit too.

I do wonder if her moods (so many tears and prolonged crying sessions) and the eating/weight issue are signs she may need some more professional support in her own right, not just the by-products from your programme. Even a physical check to make sure there are no imbalances. She does have quite big swings in mood and behaviour.

Budget sounds like a late save too with reduced spending at CP and the bag hopefully going back. I would deliberately allocate the 'saving' at CP to her overspends rather than leaving it unused for more leisure for her to enjoy. Keep showing some 'consequences' and how she can't spend and nothing else ever change.

Glad you're all on track though and being able to laugh at stuff rather than be completely triggered by it. You sound so normal these days

Bargainhunter30

I think everyone on her is very harsh on Mrsalt, as I have been in the past. It's clear she has some mental struggles and uses material possesions to either make herself feel better or prove her worth. And she may benefit from some professional help, as we probably all would. But she has probably had a very rough few years, she has proven her worth when needed and will probably have many ups and downs.

In regards to her career, this is her choice which alt agreed to when they got together. If she was paid for all the work she does at home, she'd be a very rich woman. You've also got to consider that she may have been unable to do any jobs/volunteering for a long time as she was sole carer of her son. Benefits claimants are given until a child is a certain age (5??) Until they are forced to look for work. Give her a break everyone, she's done a great job of trying to keep the family together and we all have our issues. 

RelievedSheff

Bargainhunter30 said:

I think everyone on her is very harsh on Mrsalt, as I have been in the past. It's clear she has some mental struggles and uses material possesions to either make herself feel better or prove her worth. And she may benefit from some professional help, as we probably all would. But she has probably had a very rough few years, she has proven her worth when needed and will probably have many ups and downs.

In regards to her career, this is her choice which alt agreed to when they got together. If she was paid for all the work she does at home, she'd be a very rich woman. You've also got to consider that she may have been unable to do any jobs/volunteering for a long time as she was sole carer of her son. Benefits claimants are given until a child is a certain age (5??) Until they are forced to look for work. Give her a break everyone, she's done a great job of trying to keep the family together and we all have our issues. 

Plenty of people manage to hold down a job, look after a house and look after children at the same time!

Bargainhunter30

Yes plenty of people do @RelievedSheff but not everyone wants or needs to. Myself and partner choose to both work part time, we could both work full time but we dont want to. Also next year my partner may change jobs and have to work full time and I may decide to stop working altogether, because actually it's really hard to work, live and manage a family and my mental health suffers. I want to enjoy life, not just struggle and manage to do 'everything'. It is acceptable and actually more than a full time job to be a homemaker.

enthusiasticsaver

The choice about whether a partner stays at home to be a home maker or both go to work full time or part time is a personal choice and so long as both parties are ok with it and they can cope financially then that is their business. In this case though @alt80 has said he would prefer his wife to work and I think the personal satisfaction and confidence that often comes with working may actually benefit her. That of course does mean that he may have to step up more at home. In the past though he has expressed doubt she will work either because she doesn't want to or does not feel able to. Unfortunately most of us do need to work for financial reasons if nothing else. 

I have worked part time and full time over my working career with 2 maternity leaves and a brief spell as a SAHM for a year as my children are very close together in age. Babies and toddlers are hard work but alts son is 7 so becoming more independent. Mrs alt obviously does have some mental health issues so addressing these should be the priority. That does not necessarily mean she could not work though.

alt80

Day 47 through hardly stopped working no time to think about it until I'm sat planning my day for tomorrow; start thinking I could do with a boost and carry on through the night. I know that's madness in itself craving cocaine to smash through a bit more work over night ha fml. Called it a day now instead. Rest of the week looking like this - 12/13 hr days and not !!!!!! about apart from Friday which I've promised the wife and son that I'm finishing at lunch for the afternoon. Try to get started about 7am ish that day and maybe few hours over the weekend.

Not spent any money neither has wife but she's decided she wants to keep the bag after all 'too much of a bargain' and reckons she'll use it a lot idk I've not got the energy to fight about it rn. 

@getmore4less it's def too hot mate. My home office is upstairs too been at comm all day though did a few hrs this evening at home. Not found that much changed here re freedom day think most people just don't think it's the right time tbh. Wife was looking forward to going to beauty salon with mask free interaction but their policy has been to keep the masks as is mine so idk nothing changed so far as I can see. 

You're right about my FIL he's been quite harsh with her - didn't realise what some of these bags cost haha. They grew up without that much - 4 kids, 1 middle of the road civil servant's wage but my Mrs is their youngest; didn't plan to have a 4th kid but she's, in their words, their 'miracle from above' and been treated like an absolute !!!!!! princess all her life.

@enthusiasticsaver ha yeah she was in a right state bawling her eyes out idk I 100 don't get this !!!!!! from my female staff and tbh she's always cried a lot but nothing like this. Possibly is my fault usually is ha. She's never been fat so not lost a load of weight cycles between reasonable 48-51kg depending on how much into the strength training she is to cutting phase when tbh she just looks frail. As for me I'm a fat !!!!!! at heart 100% left to my own devices I'd need the !!!!!! Range Rover haha not even gonna lie rn I can't !!!!!! resist the !!!!!! that comes into my office - one of my staff is a baker. I have lunch in a cafe every working day and about 7-8 flat whites always made properly with the full fat proper milk practically everyday unless I go to Starbucks then it's a massive latte with an extra shot and have been known to regularly order one, drink it, go back and order one to take away. Absolutely !!!!!! full of calories lol and no !!!!!! wonder I'm always a little bit wired and up past midnight every night ha. Have started having a bit more decaf but still do have plenty of proper coffee. I don't really deserve to be the size I am really lol. Did actually try the skimmed milk today but it tastes !!!!!! not the same. 

Covid is crazy rn it's rife everywhere. Think you're probably same age as my in-laws, told them to take care, they're avoiding town not completely but generally. My parents won't travel to mainland / other larger Islands with lots of tourists - who are apparently turning up now.

@warby68 haha think that's meant to be a compliment re sounding normal? So thanks, I think. I was actually listening to James Smith 6 min video he was talking about how !!!!!! miserable people get when they are just after the abs and nothing else. Getting too lean for photos and that being their life. I've told her to watch it - think a lot would resonate with her and she likes him. She reckons he's like a fitter version of me if I didn't care about money haha. He's not afraid to call a !!!!!! a !!!!!! either but that's about where the similarities end really ha. 

@Bargainhunter30 I accept I've not been the easiest person to live with don't think anyone in the position I was in is tbh. I know I moan about her but I love her really and yeah ultimately I agreed to having her at home. Not gonna lie it's something I regret tbh not really to do with financial reasons but it's !!!!!! hard to find much to talk about when one of you has never really had a job and I think it'd be good for her.

@RelievedSheff I agree with you mate ultimately I don't get having a poor work ethic and I don't think you do either but I can't see her changing. I can't trust her to contribute anything so whatever she does earn from time to time I just treat as a bonus. Still this !!!!!! mug here sorting out bits of admin etc idk.

katsu

Can you try drinking some of your coffee black? Maybe start with iced coffee in this heat? I find a latte too much now and flat white can be a bit much. I went to 100 black coffee over lockdown. Started out some black and some white but no longer need the milk.

getmore4less

Good you resisted the urge to overnight, they are not productive however you manage them and mess up the days after.

Better to get up early at the coolest part of the day when people tend to be at their best get a couple of hours in to kick start before heading into the office and aircon.
might mean an earlier night to do sleep catch up.



Remind wife if she is going to be using this new bargain bag all the time she won't need all the others she still has so can flog some of them

Her dad changing position will have hit her hard and will need time.

Might be time(age) you both reset your expectations of what is your normal, it does seem you have been running a bit too lean and not had the energy levels over the last few months.

I find a bit of portion control and upping exercise(from near zero) I can drop 2kg quickly then its a slog.




A lot of places are taking the cautious route, business as normal with masks social and testing to see how it goes.

We will just avoid the very busy times.




Circumstance I had skipped going out Sun and Mon.

Yesterday was weird headed in around 4pm and everywhere was dead might have been the heat.

Got wind of a deal at one of the pubs so checked stock levels(enough they would not run out) before heading to a different one(better beer options)  for a couple with mates, OH joined as it was too hot walking about town.

Returned(5:30pm) to pub with the deal and it was getting busy, outside and in, not rammed but more than a normal Tues for that time.
Mask use down disappointed that staff have given up because they can.

Great meal, 2 mixed grills and a beer £10  got to love a spoons.(I end up with 1.5 meals as OH is small).

This place is a trad Fri/Sat night hang out pre club for the youngsters, could be a mess end of the week as the night clubs will open from Thur.
(I know door people so can get feedback without being there) 

warby68

Yes it was all compliment and you can have another for resisting the 'extreme' demon last night

enthusiasticsaver

Don't work too hard and I agree first thing in the morning is the time to work.  Can you cut back on the coffee particularly if caffeinated and full fat.  Lots of hidden calories in there. Maybe you and your wife could use the philosophy I use if buying something new.  One  in and one out.  If I buy a new outfit or bag etc I have to get rid of another older one which is no longer used. So if she keeps the bag can she sell one she already has? Seriously though how many bags does she need?