First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Day 48 through - 80% to 2nd goal. Idk how I've got here but I'm really !!!!!! pleased rn - tomorrow is 7 weeks!! I'll get through tomorrow because I've got no time to lose - all planned. 

No money spent today apart from expensed stuff. So !!!!!! whacked I can't respond but thanks for replies.

7 coffees - 3 proper/ 4 decaf. 2 flat white and rest just made americano and topped up with a little bit of milk. Quite enjoyed it actually, saved some calories. On the chamomile tea now. 

Knocked off work early had a few hours in the garden got back to work after dinner and just finished for the night so am on track to start and finish a bit early on Friday, spend some time with the family. 

Wife was messaging me earlier with a load of nail stuff she wants to buy because 2 girls she doesn't even charge for nails but come for them very frequently want to try a load of new looks (talking about £600 worth of products - they are taking the !!!!!! as they do with my wife regularly). I realised no one's ever really said no to her; life been a !!!!!! free ride, spoilt child, I've spoilt her too tbh always felt I need to buy her things all the !!!!!! time to keep her. Anyhow I told her there's not enough retained (in her nail acct) to cover this stuff (not lying, there isn't) - her business can't afford it rn and a lot of the reason is her doing a load of stuff for free but still buying equipment/ colours etc etc. Before she started taking any income from nails she just bought the stuff regardless but I've told her since it's now become income producing (not 'a past time' it's 'a business' I told her) it comes through me. Got the inevitable message back 'can I just buy it anyway' told her no unless she wants to apply for an overdraft on the nails account to cover the purchase and if so she needs to consider how is she going to make the money + interest back without charging the girls haha. Thought she'd go !!!!!! crazy, I don't often tell her no. Rings me bawling her eyes out, I just kept with it and told her that her biz can't afford it rn esp can't afford it for girls who don't even pay for nails but are constantly requesting new products. Get the whole 'but they're friends' and 'it's not a business' whinge, then the best why can't my business buy it because my business is 'rich' my answer will they still be friends without nails, according to HMRC it's a business might be the only !!!!!! ones that consider it so but worth a !!!!!! shot and my business won't stay 'rich' ha fml lending money to !!!!!! ventures that make no !!!!!! commercial sense whatsoever. The inevitable call to her mum asking for her to buy it happened, her mum said no they've spent enough on CP haha. So all night tonight she's been on her !!!!!! nail group hoping to get a load of 'not fair hun' 'your hubby is a !!!!!!' or whatever but a lot of those girls have proper businesses, rely on this to pay their mortgages etc so they're all telling her she's a mug, made my !!!!!! day lol.

@stymied I have no cards, just enough cash to buy expensed lunch and my Starbucks card topped up not even !!!!!! kidding ha. She does have spends card but all others (mine/ hers) are in my safe at work. 

Purplelady65

Well done for standing your ground on this one! I think it’s really cheeky that these girls expect to have £600 of products bought by your wife and then have the nails done for free on top! The least they could do is pay for the products. Good that your wife has received feedback from the nails girls (she did the training with I’m assuming?) backing up your view. 

I think since you started this diary your wife seems to be in tears or ‘bawling’ every few days. It’s really not normal behaviour for a 33 year old. But then ringing up your retired mother and asking her to buy £600 of nail products isn’t normal behaviour either. 

I was wondering if your wife might have depression as really small incidents seem to really upset her so much more than say the average person. I’m also wondering though if it’s a learned, manipulative behaviour. Have her parents said if she was prone to tears and tantrums through her childhood and teenage years? Have her tears been a way of getting what she wants? I know you’ve said she’s the youngest of four. Did she learn as a child that this was the way that she got what she wanted in a large family? Were the tears at center parcs to try and ensure that you stood down and let her do the activities with your son rather than you? 

I can honestly say I don’t know any female of any age who is in floods of tears at such minor incidents. 

It might be worth your wife seeing her GP to rule out depression but she also probably needs to work on developing her emotional resilience so she’s less fragile and upset all the time. Does it upset your son or is he used to it? If it is manipulative behaviour to get what she wants then she will only change if you change how you respond to her. I think what you’ve done here is  really positive as you haven’t just said no you’ve explained the reasons why and put the responsibility of making it work onto her shoulders. Now the easy options of you or your  MIL paying for the products are ruled out it will be interesting to see what action she takes as I’m sure she could make it work if she wanted it to. 

RelievedSheff

Well done for standing your ground and doing so in a reasoned way.

Day 49 today. Well done and keep it up.

foxgloves

Two wins there, @alt80 - achieving 48 days clean, which is fantastic. Well done on that, for sure. Also well done on not caving in on the nails kit purchases. That's an insane amount of money when it won't even be recovered by charging nail clients & no amount of crying in the world is going to make that look like a financially astute decision. Good luck with Days 49 & 50. 50 sounds like a bit of a landmark in itself, doesn't it?
F

efes_shareholder

huge congrats on another day off success , there will I'm sure be many more.

And you handled the nail situation perfectly , putting it in to business terms and explaining that it isn't commercially viable.
I can't help but feel your wife has some people around her that she views as friends but are merely exploiting her good nature. Maybe she thinks that the way to peoples affections it to give them things , Do they ever make any such gestures to her in return? 

CRANKY40

Well done on your daily targets reached and well done on not giving in to Mrs Alt. Tell her real friends don't have to be bought. If she wants to do nails for free tell her to find your local hospice and offer some free manicures for patients and staff once your son is back at school. 

Sorry that work is so busy due to staff absences. Make sure you still take time out to smell the roses - maybe buy Mrs Alt a bunch of flowers if you don't have roses, lol. 

Purplelady65

CRANKY40 said:

Well done on your daily targets reached and well done on not giving in to Mrs Alt. Tell her real friends don't have to be bought. If she wants to do nails for free tell her to find your local hospice and offer some free manicures for patients and staff once your son is back at school. 

Sorry that work is so busy due to staff absences. Make sure you still take time out to smell the roses - maybe buy Mrs Alt a bunch of flowers if you don't have roses, lol. 

That is such a brilliant idea.  I used to visit a neighbour in my teenage years who was paralysed from the neck down. She had been in her twenties and had a 6 month old baby and was driving on a country road when a reckless driver went to overtake her. A car was coming in the opposite direction so the overtaking driver crashed into her with catastrophic results. Absolutely tragic. This lady always had her nails done as she said it gave her a lift and was something of her own body that was pretty to look at. 

In hospices things that we might not think would be important do make a massive difference. I remember visiting my best friend in a hospice who had only a short time left. She hadn’t had her hair cut for a few months as she had been moved between various hospitals and then to a hospice. She was very ill but I distinctly remember that day as she had had her hair cut that morning by a hairdresser and she was absolutely delighted about it. I remember feeling quite surprised that something as simple as a hair cut when she was facing death could give her such a boost. She said it made her feel more like herself.

dawnybabes

Our local hospice does treatments on family members in the holistic centre as well if she’s not up to the actual patients.  

FootyFanDan

Well done on getting as far along as you have, really impressive work. You have totally transformed the way you look at things now. I agree with many others re the nails, I do think you have done right to reject this idea. Does the wife not see that they are taking the P! Glad it hasn't knocked your own progress back that keep up the fab work.

enthusiasticsaver

Great way of dealing with your wifes latest request and glad you have been backed up by your MIL and  the girls on her nails group. She either does it as a hobby and it comes out of her personal spends or she makes it pay for itself by charging as in fact she used to didn't she? What is all this doing it for free for people about? 

  I do wonder if the tears etc are a learned behaviour to get her own way and the only way that will go is for you to do as you have done and stand your ground when she makes unreasonable requests.  Making her responsible for making her nail business work is a good start and she needs to stop thinking there is an open chequebook. 

This unfortunately is the result of never having to take financial responsibility for anything.  She thinks money grows on trees.  Even my 5 year old granddaughter knows money is finite.